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Big. Damn. Heroes.

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Summary: Connor, Draco and Blaise suffer a sudden attack of Morals and Chivalry. Dawn, Ginny and Luna are frankly quite frightened. *SPOILERS FOR A CHARACTER'S APPEARANCE* No copywrite is intended, no money being made.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Harry Potter > Connor-CenteredmsgordoFR1525,9412144,60327 Jul 0517 Aug 05No


“What the bloody hell did you do to my *sister*?” Connor, Draco and Blaise looked up as the door to their cell once more crashed open, but this time the redhead hurtling through it was somewhat less alluring than Ginny Weasley. “Well?” Ron stood with his wand outstretched and his hair crackling with rage as he glared at the three men before him. “What did you do to her?!”

“Weasel.” Draco cleared his throat and stood up to take the four paces necessary to bring him into Ron’s personal space. He raised one eyebrow at the wand trembling with fury under his nose and then with a moue of distaste gently pushed it aside with the tip of a reluctant finger and said, “I’d like to say it’s a pleasure but I’m told turning over a new leaf requires somewhat less flexibility with the truth than I am previously used to so unfortunately I’ll just have to settle for saying that I see you’re still alive.”

The unspoken ‘Dammit!’ nonetheless echoed loud and clear in the small room.

Connor leaned into Blaise’s side without taking his eyes off Draco and Ron and muttered, “How come that hair looks so good on his sister and on him it just looks kinda…”

“Repellent?” Blaise grinned and shrugged. “Just one of the many mysteries of creation that I fear will never be answered.” He looked past Ron and his face sobered. “Brace yourself, here comes the organ grinder come to get his monkey.”

Connor looked around and watched as a tallish, dark haired man wearing glasses and an almost constipated expression stalked through the door. “Huh. The guy-that-lived, right?”

“Right.” Blaise stood and strode forward with a welcoming smile, managing to completely ignore Ron and Draco still glaring into each other’s eyes in the centre of the room. “Potter.”

Harry stopped at his friend’s shoulder and nodded coldly. “Zabini.” He spared Draco a brief look and then focused back on Blaise. “Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t kill you right now.”

Connor stuck his hand into the air and waved it enthusiastically. “Oh, I know!” He climbed off the cot and joined his two friends. “Because you’re the good guys and morally above that?” He crossed his arms and stared thoughtfully at his feet for a moment before looking back up and curling his lip in a sneer. “And also because I’m pretty sure I can rip off both your arms and beat you to death with them before you’ve even got a syllable of a spell out.” He squinted at Harry’s forehead. “Draco’s right, that scar is dumb looking, are you sure you aren’t drawing it on in crayon?”

Draco snorted a laugh and stepped hastily in front of Connor as Ron’s wand twitched to point at the American. “Now, now, Weasel; let’s just think about this, shall we?”

Ron ground his teeth and flushed a brilliant scarlet. “Shut up, Malfoy, and get out of my way. I’m not going to let some bastard minion speak about Harry like that.” He ground his teeth some more when Draco refused to step out of the way and yelled, “What the sodding hell do you care, anyway? He’s a muggle, right? I thought they were all beneath your high and mighty pureblood arse.”

Connor leaned around Draco’s shoulder and stared reprovingly at Ron. “Hey, I can see you’re pretty pissed about the whole dark side thing, but making cracks about his personal life is out of bounds, okay?” The reproving look morphed into a scowl. “And who are you calling a minion, buddy?”

Ron mouthed the words ‘personal life’ to himself and then stepped back from Draco smartly with a look of pure revulsion. “You’re…you and the muggle are…”

Draco squinted. “What?”

The wand wavered between Connor and the confused Draco. “You two…you’re…”

“Comrades-in-arms? Heroic self-sacrificers who put the well-being of the many above their own safety and security?” Blaise, enjoying himself immensely, grinned at Ron’s scandalised expression. “You know how it is, Weasel. Normal barriers and restraints are often worn down by the heat of battle. Taboos are shattered, hearts burst asunder beneath the weight of sheer emotion…it’s very romantic.” He leered. “Now come here, darling, and give me a kiss.”

“Bloody HELL!” Ron stumbled backwards frantically and looked like he was going to be sick as Draco thumped Blaise in outrage and Connor started to laugh. “That’s…that’s *disgusting*!”

Draco looked wounded. “Steady on there…oh, wait, you mean Blaise?” He smirked at his friend and rocked back smugly on his heels. “I agree. Completely disgusting.”

Connor leaned back and looked down at the back of Blaise’s robes in consideration. “But he does have a nice ass.” He leaned forwards again and his hands crept behind himself for a surreptitious squeeze. “Although it’s not as pert and well-muscled as mine.”

Blaise sighed forlornly and enjoyed immensely the tick in Harry’s jaw. “Sadly this is true.” He winked at Ron and stage-whispered, “I’ve caught him flexing and squeezing around a wand many a time.” He gave Connor a ridiculously over exaggerated leer. “Although unhappily not my own.”

“*Harry*!” Ron’s frightened squeak had his friend glowering at the three smirking not-so-evil-doers and the tick in his jaw become more pronounced. “Harry, make them *stop*.”

“Pack it in, Zabini.” Ignoring his own disquiet at the rather disturbing mental images rattling around in his over-inflated (in Draco and Blaise’s opinion) head, Harry folded his arms and glared intimidatingly at his prisoners. “Just tell us what you did to the girls and why you’re here and then we’ll get moving with shipping you off to Azkaban and leaving you to rot for the rest of your miserable little lives.”

Connor snorted and carried on looking blithely unintimidated. “Yeah, *that’s* gonna happen.” He paused for a moment and then said warily, “And what do you mean about what we did to the girls? We didn’t do anything to them, right guys?”

“Correct.” Blaise glanced away from where he was having a grand old time fluttering his eyelashes at an increasingly worried looking Ron and treated Harry to the look of injured innocence that he’d spent the last twenty odd years perfecting. “I can assure you that they were treated with the utmost respect and courtesy during their all too brief visit with us.”

Draco raised a pointed eyebrow. “Unlike ourselves.” He sniffed delicately. “I really don’t think the littlest Weasel should be allowed near any sharp objects until she’s undergone a *very* involved psychological evaluation at St Mungos. And possibly been put under some kind of sedative charm. You might consider a full body bind on her more excitable days.” He drifted off into a brief, happy fantasy of Ginny Weasley wearing quite a lot less than the last time he’d seen her and in a full body bind. “Actually…” Draco smiled dreamily, “You might consider making that a permanent arrangement.”

For perhaps the first time ever Harry was profoundly grateful that Ron wasn’t as adept at reading people as himself and Hermione and instead of beating Draco briskly about the head with his fist at the blatant leer regarding his sister he just remained firmly out of reach of any lusty Slytherin embraces and scowled in confusion. Blaise and Connor grinned at each other as Draco’s eyes glazed over and then smirked at Harry when he glowered at them. Harry gritted his teeth and spat, “What. Do. You. Want.”

Connor’s smirk widened and he replied promptly, “World peace. Equal rights for all those we think worthy of them. A small percentage of any profits gained by the wizard Ministry seizing control of Voldemort’s assets after we kill him.” He winked at Harry. “And world peace.”

Harry gritted his teeth harder. “You already said that.”

Connor’s eyes twinkled mockingly. “It’s a cause near and dear to my heart. Really.”

“Speaking of hearts,” Blaise, never one to give up on a good torture session without good reason, leered dreadfully at Ron and said huskily, “My personal wish list also includes finding true love wherever it may be hiding and giving it a damn good roger…”


The-Boy-Who-Lived closed his eyes wearily at Ron’s terrified yelp and then opened them to glare darkly at his three adversaries. “I’m recommending that you three are taken away from here as soon as possible and thrown into the darkest sodding dungeon we have. Whatever you’re selling, we’re not buying.”

“What a shame,” Blaise practically purred the words as he watched Harry stalk to -- and Ron fall through -- the door. “I’m told we’re worth every penny.” His only answer was a violent slam of their cell door and he burst out laughing. “Great Slytherin, these people are ridiculously easy to discomfort. Give them a bona fide evil doer in all their dark glory and they’ll quite happily face them down with nothing but the fire in their innocent and pure hearts and the knowledge they have right on their side. *One* little mention of getting sweaty and sticky for a far more pleasurable reason and…” He broke off with a frown as he realised Draco was still staring vacantly into the distance and wearing a wide, soppy grin. “Draco?”

Connor screwed up his nose in distaste. “Ew, is he *drooling*?”

Blaise pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. “You can take the evil out of the man but unfortunately the inner-pervert will always remain.” He raised his other hand and snapped his fingers briskly under Draco’s oblivious nose. “Malfoy? *Malfoy*!”

Draco jerked and his mental image of Ginny melted away just as he was getting to the part where all her clothes were mysteriously falling off her body and she lay bound and helpless on his bed wearing nothing but a smile and a come hither look in her wide…smoky…

Blaise sighed again as Draco’s eyes abruptly lost focus once more. “Good grief. *MALFOY*!”


For the third time that day the door to the cell opened and as far as Draco was concerned the day finally hit rock bottom. “Oh come *on*! Haven’t we suffered enough?”

Hermione Granger arched an unimpressed eyebrow and walked sedately into the room, closing the door quietly behind her before taking up position facing the three men on the bed with her arms folded and a watchful look on her face. “Nice to see you too, Malfoy.” She glanced around the small room and then nodded politely at Connor. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

Draco rolled his eyes and waved a casual hand between Hermione and Connor. “Filthy Mudblood, The Destroyer. The Destroyer, Filthy Mudblood.”

Hermione offered Connor a cool smile and her hand. “You can call me Hermione for short.”

Connor jumped off the bed and enthusiastically shook Hermione’s hand in his, delighted to show off his newly acquired social skills to someone who looked like they’d actually appreciate them for a change. “Connor. Great to meet you.”

“Um, yes.” Looking faintly disconcerted, but nowhere near as rattled as her predecessors, Hermione allowed Connor to pump her hand up and down for a few more moments before trying to disengage. “I’m sorry; my hand?”

“Hmm?” Connor looked confused for a moment before he looked down and realised he still had Hermione’s hand clutched in his. “Oh sorry!” He let go hastily and gave her a sheepish smile. “I get carried away sometimes. I didn’t bruise you, did I? I don’t really know my own strength.”

Looking at least as confused as Connor, Hermione looked down at her hand and then back up into his ludicrously friendly eyes. “No, I’m fine.” She shifted uncomfortably as he continued to beam at her and then smiled uncertainly. “Please, sit back down.”

Draco rolled his eyes as Connor obediently backed up and dropped back down onto the bed. “Now ask him to bark and roll over.” He blinked as Hermione’s uncertain smile stretched into one of genuine amusement. “Granger, how very unlike you to display a modicum of humour.”

Hermione’s smile stretched wider and she indicated the cell with a wide sweep of her hand. “Oh I don’t know, Malfoy, there’s definitely something about this particular situation that appeals to me. So,” She brought her hand back into her body and re-folded her arms with a polite look of enquiry. “How have you been keeping?”

“Fine thank you.” Draco’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Yourself?”

This time the only word that adequately described the smile on Hermione’s face was ‘unholy’. “Well, the day certainly started out quietly, but I found myself remarkably entertained by the sight of Ron and Harry bursting in on Professor Dumbledore and some other extremely important members of the war council demanding that you three be locked up, killed and dismembered *immediately* because, and I quote, ‘they’re ruddy great perverts and Zabini wants to shag us!’.” Hermione shook her head as the three men before all tried to look at her in bewildered innocence and said dryly, “I should point out that they weren’t bothered about which order the dismembering, killing and locking up should happen.”

Blaise widened his eyes appealing. “We have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I see.” Still sporting the unholy grin, Hermione fetched the lone chair in the room and made herself comfortable before cocking her head and eyeing the three with a jaundiced look. “And I suppose you have no idea why Dawn, Ginny and Luna have locked themselves in their apartments and appear to be having a furious argument about whether it’s possible for the Dark Lord to have come up with a new and ingenious way of killing our soldiers with handshakes and excruciating social etiquette?”

Blaise batted his incredibly appealing eyes and said cheerfully, “Haven’t a clue.”

Draco got in on the appealing eyes act. “You *are* a suspicious bunch, aren’t you?”

“I did do it wrong, didn’t I?” Connor stared down in consternation at his hand and then blinked mournfully up at Hermione, unconsciously succeeding where his two possibly-evil brethren had failed. “I thought I got everything in the right order, but I must have done it wrong.” He leaned forward and fixed the amused girl with an earnest look. “Was it the sniffing? People keep telling me that I should be a little sneakier about it.”

“Yes, probably.” Hermione favoured Connor with a pleasant smile and then her expression hardened as she looked at Blaise and Draco. “Okay, time to cut to the bone. Despite the less than favourable reactions to your apparent switch of loyalties I think there’s a chance you might possible be sincere in your desire to help defeat the Dark Lord. I’d like you all to agree to cross-examination under the influence of Veritaserum as to your intentions and then we’ll see where we go from there.”

Blaise leaned back comfortably against the wall and looked the cool, collected witch before him over with a calculating expression. “And if we don’t meet whatever criteria you’ve set to determine our loyalties?”

Hermione shrugged. “Then to Azkaban you shall go.” She flashed a brief, wintery smile. “Although you have my personal word that you’ll reach the prison with all your limbs still attached. And still breathing.”

Connor looked deeply wounded. “Hey, what’s with the threats? We’re here aren’t we? We’re good guys now. *Honest*.”

Looking at him rather like she would a particularly winsome puppy, Hermione smiled more warmly. “I’m sure you are, but it never hurts to be sure now, does it?” The smiled chilled once more as she looked at Draco and Blaise. “I’m prepared to hear you out with an open mind and forget all about the fact that I know you two are complete and utter unpleasant bastards with all the charm of the average piece of faeces, if you are prepared to trust my word that you will be given a fair hearing and that you will be treated with the honour and respect due to you if you are proven to be truthful in your intentions towards us.”

Draco eyed her narrowly and magnanimously overlooked the bastard comment. “Fair enough.” He glanced quickly at Blaise and waited for an almost unnoticeable nod of acknowledgment before continuing, “We have conditions of our own however.”

Hermione settled back against the chair and nodded, unsurprised. “I thought you might do. Okay, let’s hear them.”

“Just two.” Draco purposefully kept his face a careful blank as he said coolly, “One, you’re the person that administers the serum and conducts our interrogations. Somehow I’m not quite as confident as I was of your colleagues being as…open-minded…as yourself.”

A brief flicker of surprise showed in Hermione’s eyes. “That can be arranged. Your second condition?”

Draco nodded. “When we pass your tests -- and we *will* -- there are only three of your number that we agree to work with to bring our plans to fruition.”

Hermione felt the first stirrings of unease in her stomach as Connor and Blaise both adopted Draco’s blank expression and tensed noticeably. “Go on.”

“We want Summers, the girl Weasley and Lovegood.” Draco stared at Hermione with unreadable eyes as she frowned and swallowed slowly. “If we don’t get them the deal’s off.”

“What? No!” Hermione stared at him in bewildered apprehension. “They won’t agree.”

Draco shrugged and stood up. “They don’t have a choice, the point is non-negotiable.” He held out his hand. “Do we have a deal?” He smiled coldly as Hermione looked between his hand and his face with suddenly wary eyes. “Come on, Granger, it’s not that much of a difficult decision, is it? Three warriors for good working with three soon-to-be-proven one hundred percent loyal and *innocent* men who are prepared to give their lives to see Lord Voldemort eradicated from the face of the earth.”

The silence stretched as Hermione continued to stare searchingly into his eyes and then she stood and clasped his hand in hers hastily, her face almost completely drained of colour. “Deal.” They shook and then both let go to wipe their hands surreptitiously on their robes. Hermione sighed heavily and pushed her long hair back from her face with a shaky sigh. “They’re going to kill me.”

“I highly doubt it,” Draco sank gloomily onto the bed once more. “I rather think Ginny will be far to busy trying to kill *me* to worry about you.”

Hermione looked confused once more. “Then I don’t understand. Why do you want to work with her so badly?” She made a helpless gesture with her hands to indicate Connor and Blaise. “Why do *any* of you want to work with them? It’s going to be almost impossible to persuade them to do this no matter what the eventual rewards; they’re going to make your lives hell. Why *them*?”

Blaise smiled and said simply, “They’re the best.” The smile stretched wolfishly and Hermione gulped at the triumphant gleam in his eyes. “And we refuse to settle for anything less.”


The End?

You have reached the end of "Big. Damn. Heroes." – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 17 Aug 05.

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