Big. Damn. Heroes.
Title: Big. Damn. Heroes.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not a one.
Pairings: D/C, Dr/G, B/L
Spoilers: *Nothing* related to the plot of book six, but as I realised with some embarrassment the other day that in all of my previous stories featuring my boy Blaise I have never actually bothered to provide a physical description for him *at all*, I have incorporated the description provided by JKR in the new book. ::glares:: Hey, don’t look at me like that, it’s not like any of you noticed that I didn’t describe him either! Lazy readers are just as bad as lazy writers, you know!
Synopsis: Connor, Draco and Blaise suffer a sudden attack of Morals and Chivalry. Dawn, Ginny and Luna are frankly quite frightened.
A/N: The title is a shamelessly stolen quote from another of Joss Whedon’s brilliant creations ‘Firefly’. I want to crack open that man’s head, scoop out a little nest in his brains and live there forever. But that would be wrong, so I won’t.
Dedications: For everyone that wanted to see the girls at the mercy of the boys for once.
Dawn Summers found she couldn’t take her eyes off the scene unfolding in front of her, so in the end she settled for leaning to one side and hissing out the side of her mouth, “*What* are they *doing*?”
Ginny Weasley shook her confused head and hissed back, “I have *no* idea.” She leaned away from Dawn and towards the girl on her other side. “Luna, do you know what’s happening?”
Luna Lovegood -- the last member of the most unlikely and effective evil fighting team of contemporary times -- squinted thoughtfully at the confused room before her. “Has Zabini always been that attractive?” Her eyes narrowed even further and her pert nose scrunched up in a way that a certain ex-Slytherin might be pressed into calling adorable if he had happened to be glancing her way. Which he wasn’t, so it was basically wasted on Luna’s two friends and fellow warriors. “I don’t seem to remember him having this effect on me at school.”
*That* was sufficient to drag Dawn’s eyes from the somewhat bewildering scene being played out before her and she stared at Luna silently for a moment before saying carefully, “I’m sorry, what?”
Luna kept her own eyes fixed on Blaise Zabini. “Really, I don’t remember him being quite so take charge and…well,” She licked her lips in contemplation as she stared at the tall black boy arguing with what appeared to be half the Order of the Phoenix and several high ranking member of the Ministry. “So *eye-catching*.”
Dawn eyeballed her friend for another moment before turning her incredulous gaze back on Zabini. “*Eye-catching*?”
Luna nodded and ignored the slightly alarming huffing sounds that Ginny was making as she wheezed in justifiable shock between her friends. “Really. He seems so much more…*present* now, doesn’t he? Quite…resplendent. And those long braids are *so* much more attractive than that rather boring close cut he had all through Hogwarts.”
Dawn looked desperately around the over-crowded room they were currently seated in. “Is there a doctor in the house? We need a reality check over here *stat*.” She quirked an eyebrow at Ginny who was still wheezing and now purple, adding considerately, “Oxygen too!”
Luna wrinkled her nose once more, this time in mild annoyance at Ginny’s reaction to her observation. “Well, it’s not like we weren’t all thinking it. In fact, the three of them really are quite…”
“*Nothing*!” Ginny finally managed to gulp enough air and pointed a shaky finger at Luna’s face as she gasped, “The three of them are *nothing*. We do not think of them like that, Luna, *ever*. They’re ev…”
“Kinda hot.” Dawn shrugged apologetically as Ginny glared at her. “Well, she’s got a point. They do got that whole bad boy ‘tude thing going on for them, and there’s been some serious time put in with some weights by the look of things.” She bit her lower lip and tilted her head in consideration. “I’m not saying that we should over look the whole across-the-board-sucky-personality-issues-thing, but…”
“EVIL!” Ginny’s yelp went unnoticed in the general mayhem of the room and she stared between her two best friends with mounting horror. “Are you two *drunk*? They’re evil and mean and bullies and…”
Luna sighed, flicked a glance at the cause of all the fuss and her blue eyes clouded with complete confusion as she caught the sound of an enraged American voice cutting through the din around them. “And they’ve just offered to go and kill the Dark Lord.”
Ginny spluttered into silence.
“Well,” Dawn’s eyebrows shot up as Ginny’s silence spread to the rest of the room. “Didn’t see that one coming.”
Connor Angel stood with his arms crossed over his chest and a glare on his face as he watched the heavy door to his cell slam shut and then turned and flashed a wide grin as he bounced delightedly on his toes. “I think that went well. Don’t you think that went well?” The grin widened as his eyes twinkled mischievously. “Think they bought it?”
Draco Malfoy looked up from where he was morosely staring at the floor and glared. “Connor, not even I bought that load of old clap-trap and I was *saying* it.”
Blaise Zabini looked around from his casual perusal of their cell and scowled. “D’you know I don’t think they’re treating us with the proper respect here.” He waved an outraged hand at the one window allowing light into the small room. “Look at that! I don’t even need my wand to push that bloody frame out and I defy anyone not to be able to snap a leg off that cot and make a stake in under a minute.” He huffed out an annoyed breath. “We are bloody *criminals* here, don’t you think they should be just a little more worried about the possibility of escape?”
Draco eyed his friend askance and sighed heavily, “Right, Zabini, *one* more time. We are not criminals. We are intelligently far-sighted and forward planning individuals who -- for a multitude of reasons -- have carefully weighed and assessed their available options and have made the decision to offer their nearly invaluable skills and experiences to people who would best value them.”
“Right,” Connor nodded in firm agreement. “And you’re only criminals if you get caught, and no one’s managed to pin on us anything yet.”
Blaise laughed as Draco closed his eyes with a pained sigh. “Don’t you just love that innocent until proven guilty thing the proud and noble have going for them? *So* many delicious loopholes to exploit.”
Draco pinched the bridge of his nose and tried vainly to fight off the beginning of a migraine. “No, no, no! There will be no exploiting. *Or* escaping.” He released his nose and opened his eyes to look at his two companions sternly. “We’re the good guys now, remember?”
Connor and Blaise swapped unhappy looks. “Oh come on, Draco, just to keep our hand in as it were? Can’t let the old skills get rusty now, can we?”
Draco rolled his eyes at the wheedling of Blaise’s tone and reminded himself that he was just as effectively bound by the ‘good guy’ clause as his friends and hexing both of them into little frogs just to shut them up probably wouldn’t do much good to convince the Ministry that he’d really turned over a new leaf. “No. No sharpening of skills and no keeping our hands in.” He straightened his shoulders and gritted his teeth. “From now on we are as noble and heroic and as self-sacrificing as the next moon-eyed idiot in this place. Or else.”
“MALFOY, YOU BASTARD, I’M GOING TO CUT OFF EVERY EXTREMITY YOU HAVE AND FEED THEM TO HAGRID’S HIPPOGRIFF!” The door to the boys’ cell crashed open without warning and an enraged Ginny Weasley burst through it brandishing a wickedly sharp knife and a deadly expression. “YOU’RE A DEAD MAN!”
Connor winced at the pitch of her voice, but brightened up considerably at her emphatic statement. “Great!” He turned to Blaise and clarified hopefully, “So I just have to be as noble as she is, right?” He gestured at Ginny -- now closing in on Draco’s alarmed figure with a determined step and a slight tick in her jaw -- and bounced happily on his toes once more. “That doesn’t looks so hard, I can do that.”
Blaise’s attention was diverted by two more people darting into the increasingly cramped cell after Ginny and flinging themselves at her just in time to prevent Draco Malfoy being the last of his line and from singing soprano for the rest of his forcibly celibate life. “Ginny!” Dawn gritted her teeth and yanked the arm she had gripped between her hands with all her strength. “Ginny, this is *not* subtle interrogation!”
Luna grunted as she tugged Ginny back a vital two steps to allow Draco to dodge around them and make for relative safety of the avidly watching Blaise and Connor across the room. “I’m afraid it is.” She grunted again and then winced as she stumbled and inadvertently body-checked her friends against the stone wall. “She *wanted* to bring a machete.”
“BASTARD!” Ginny fought futilely against her friend’s grip. “LET ME *GO*!”
“Excellent!” Connor looked even more delighted. “So weapons *and* threats and bodily violence are allowed then?”
Draco dragged his shocked eyes away from where Ginny was still pinned against the wall by her swearing, grunting friends and frothing at the mouth in her eagerness to do him some permanent damage. “Will you bloody *focus*? She tried to *kill* me!” He pointed an accusing finger at Ginny’s purple face. “You’re meant to be one of the good guys.”
“I’M GOING TO *KILL* YOU!”
Dawn swore as Ginny threw herself forwards again and yelled over her shoulder at Draco, “Shut up, you’re not helping here!” She made an executive decision as Ginny managed to get in a painful kick to her shin and caught Luna’s slightly frenzied eye as she jerked her head to indicate the still open door. “Sanity break?”
Luna panted as she fought to contain Ginny’s struggles. “Yes!” She turned her towards the three boys standing watching them with vastly differing emotions. “Back in a moment.” She gave them a slightly pained smile as she and Dawn wrestled the apoplectic Ginny to the door. “Make yourselves comfortable.”
Blaise stepped forward with a charming smile. “Can we be of any assistance?”
“No, no,” Luna winced as Ginny gnashed her teeth and slammed an elbow back into her ribs. “We’re fine.” She yelped as a wild toss of Ginny’s head caught her jaw and had her seeing stars. “Thank you!”
Draco, Blaise and Connor watched in slightly nonplussed silence as the three girls staggered out the door and then Dawn appeared again moments later with a somewhat embarrassed smile before slamming the door shut and muffling the sounds of Ginny yelling at the top of her lungs exactly why Draco should be emasculated as soon as possible and how -- in excruciatingly painful detail -- she intended to accomplish this.
Connor stared at the door and then at Draco. “I like her. She’s got guts.”
Draco stared in dismay at the door and said faintly, “Yes, and if she has her way, they’ll be mine. Probably still steaming.”
Blaise continued to stare at the door intently and ignored his two friends. “Was it just me, or did Lovegood look astonishingly gorgeous today?” He turned away from the door as he felt two sets of incredulous eyes focus on him. “What? Just me then?”
Some thirty minutes later the three girls re-entered the cell in a slightly more orderly fashion than before. Well, Ginny had been disarmed and was no longer shouting death threats at the top of her lungs anyway.
Blaise jumped up from the cot he was sitting on with his two friends and spread his arms in expansive welcome. “Ladies!”
“Oh piss off, Zabini.” Ginny glowered under her fringe of red hair and slouched against the wall just inside the door with her arms folded across her chest and a mutinous set to her mouth.
Blaise’s arms sagged and he looked slightly less enthusiastic. “Is that anyway to treat valuable guests?”
Dawn rolled her eyes and planted her feet firmly on the floor as she crossed her arms challengingly. “Yeah, right. Say it with me now, guys; pris-o-ners.”
Blaise looked vastly amused and copied her pose, but without the eye rolling. “You can’t take that which is freely given, Miss Summers. We came to you, remember?”
Draco peered uncertainly at Ginny who hadn’t taken her eyes off him since she had started to prop up the wall. “Does she still have that knife?”
“No,” Luna smiled fondly at Ginny and then reassuringly at Draco. “We had a little chat and Ginny’s very sorry for frightening you, aren’t you, Ginny?” Luna’s reassuring smile slipped a bit as Ginny remained obstinately silent and Draco paled dramatically and then the ex-Ravenclaw sighed reproachfully, “Ginny, *please*.”
Dawn grinned meanly at Draco’s worried face and offered helpfully, “She’s promised not to do anything to you until we have all the information we need.” She sniggered to herself as Draco swallowed heavily and then all humour drained from her face as she realised the third captive in the room had sidled up to her and was apparently sniffing her hair. “What the *hell* are you doing?”
Connor took one last sniff and then stuck out his hand just like Draco and Blaise had spent long hours teaching him to do correctly. “Hi, Connor Angel, I’m very pleased to meet you.”
Dawn looked down at his hand, back up into his expectant face and then backed up sharply. “What?”
Connor frowned at the wary look on her face and darted an uncertain look at his two friends. “Did I do it wrong?” He inspected his still outstretched hand carefully and decided that it seemed to be reasonably clean and non-threatening and tried again, taking care to speak slowly and clearly to negate the chances of further misunderstandings, “My name is Connor Angel, it’s very nice to meet you.”
Dawn shot a faintly panicked look at her own two friends -- both of whom were staring in bemusement at Connor’s hand -- and backed up another step. “No it’s not!”
Connor looked hurt and followed her with his hand still held out. “Yeah it is.” He smiled kindly at Dawn as she backed up again to fetch up against the wall and explained, “Now you shake my hand and tell me that it’s nice to meet me too.”
Ginny and Luna blinked uncertainly at Connor and then looked at Dawn for some clue as to how she was going to handle this decidedly bizarre turn of events. As a general rule the followers of Voldemort that they ran across didn’t habitually declare how nice it was to meet them. How nice it would be to *eat* them, sure, but the whole courtesy and small talk thing was considered a big no-no on the side of evil.
Dawn scowled and slapped at Connor’s hand. “You get that thing away from me right *now*.” She hissed in warning as Connor frowned in confusion and tried to shake her hand again. “I mean it, stop it right now!”
Connor looked over his shoulder at Draco and Blaise -- both looking as amused as the girls were looking unsettled -- and said plaintively, “You said being polite would help.” He waggled his hand accusingly. “See? This is me being polite, it’s not helping!”
Draco grinned and shrugged casually. “Maybe you’re not trying hard enough. Give her a bow.”
Dawn pressed harder against the wall as Connor turned to look at her speculatively. “She doesn’t look that kind of girl.” He eyed her up and down. “Besides, I bend over in front of her and something tells me she’ll just break my nose with her kneecap.” He smiled approvingly at Dawn’s speechless face. “I saw you pull that move on Marcus Flint a couple of months ago, it was *really* well done.”
Dawn stared at him bug-eyed and remained silent.
Connor frowned. “That was a compliment. You’re meant to say thank you and say something nice about me now.” He looked back over his shoulder at his two friends again. “That’s right, isn’t it? I say something nice about her and then she has to say something nice about me.” He nodded back at Dawn sagely. “It’s polite.”
Blaise smothered a chuckle that was only amused and in no way shape or form evil in *any* way and said encouragingly, “Absolutely right, Connor, well done.” He smiled genially at Dawn. “Perhaps something about his hair? Or his skin? Both are in *excellent* condition.”
Dawn, Ginny and Luna silently contemplated the excellent condition of Connor’s hair and skin and then at an unspoken signal abruptly broke ranks and headed for the exit looking decidedly rattled.
Connor watched the door slam shut behind them and listened to the key turn emphatically in the lock before turning to his two grinning buddies. “Now that was just *rude*.”
End Part One.