This is a BtVS story, for once not a crossover, a sequel to a Season 1 episode. It's set some time in early season seven, before the Potentials start to arrive in Sunnydale. There will probably be spoilers for earlier seasons. Work in progress.
All characters are the intellectual property of their respective creators, film companies, etc.; this story may not be sold or distributed on a profit-making basis.
I'm British, so's my spelling. Live with it.
By Marcus L. Rowland
The situation at this point is just a little confused. The kid is freaking out, backing away from me, you'd think she'd never seen a dummy before. The Slayer, who was a pretty kid and is now really hot in tight leather pants and a low-cut top, has grabbed an axe from somewhere and is stalking me like I was some sort of demon.
"Okay, okay," I say "put the axe down, Slayer, slow and careful, you don't want to hurt me. I know it's a surprise, but it's really me. Sid."
"You know this thing?" asks the kid.
"Maybe, if it's what it says it is. Okay, you got any way to prove who you are, and not some evil Chucky clone?"
"Who else would it be? Like I always say, once you go wood, there's nothing as good."
"Oh god, it is him," says the Slayer, and absent-mindedly hits a chair with the axe.
"Buffy, why did you slay the chair?" asks the kid nervously.
"Slay the... oops. Dawn, go and get dressed, and make sure it's something that's wooden pervert proof. And get Willow. I'll explain when you get back down. As for you," she turns to me and raises the axe again, "one more remark like that near my little sister and it's firewood time. Understood?"
"Okay, Slayer, spoil my fun. Understood."
"Let me get breakfast, then you can explain what it is you want when Dawn gets back. And this had better not be a social call..."
* * * * *
The kid runs off and the Slayer picks me up and taken me into the kitchen, where she dumps me on a high stool. "Stay there, I want you where I can keep an eye on you."
"Slayer, is that any way to treat a fellow demon-hunter?"
"I still have nightmares about that talent show... and cheese, for some reason... but I guess it wasn't really your fault. Can I get you anything? Toast? Waffles? Furniture polish?"
"I'm fine. Not like I need to eat or anything."
"Okay, let me get started on the waffles and coffee. I want my brain working before you start with the explanations."
The kid clatters back downstairs about five minutes later, which has to be some sort of record for a teenager, and is followed by a woman I sort of remember, the red-head that used to hang with the Slayer. She's all grown too, and is as hot as the Slayer in a distracted sort of way. If I wasn't wood I'd be drooling.
"Willow," says the Slayer, "you remember Sid?"
"Oh.. Sid? Sid the dummy??" She looks like she's seen a ghost.
"In the wood, toots."
"This is so cool," says the kid, who seems to be over her fright. "Is it an evil dummy like in Bride of Chucky?"
"Nope. They haven't made me a bride yet, unless one of you is thinking of volunteering..."
"Ewww..." say all three of them, more or less in chorus. The Slayer picks up a kitchen knife and seems to be calculating throwing angles, so I shut up.
"Okay," says the Slayer eventually, once they've all stuffed their faces, "what's the story?"
"I got bored in heaven, and the Powers That Be said I could do a job for them."
"But you were... dead? And in heaven?"
"I was dead sixty years ago, toots, but my soul got stuck in the dummy instead of going on. When I got to heaven it was okay for a while, but I missed the action and the demon hunting. Peace is okay for a while, but I like things loud and wild, like my women..."
She's aiming the knife again, so I can it.
"So you came back as a dummy? Why?"
"Damned if I know. I thought they were going to give me a proper body. Instead I get this one again, and I'm sure it's got woodworm."
"No, I meant why are you back?"
"I've got to... uh..." Suddenly I realise. I have no idea why the Powers want me here, or what I'm supposed to do.
To Be Continued