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Real Phunny

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Summary: Dawn was living the Mundane life, until the Key’s powers opened her up to an entirely new world that was anything but mundane. (x-over with Piers Anthony's Xanth Series)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Literature > Fantasy > XanthJmariaFR1521,109071,35128 Aug 0519 Sep 05No

2. Seaira Alandra

Title: Real Phunny

Author: Jmaria

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Piers Anthony own all. Except Seaira.

Spoilers: On the safe side - up to Harpy Thyme and post season seven

Summary: Dawn was living the Mundane life, until the Key’s powers opened her up to an entirely new world that was anything but mundane.

A/N: Like the title? The character in question is named after my oldest niece. She’s got a cool name, and one of the oddest names in our family (says the girl with a sister named Joelle). Her younger siblings are named Samantha and Joseph. I’m glad everyone’s enjoying the story so far!


2. Seaira Alandra


The girl took one step back. She should have never opened her eyes. How many times had her mother told her that? But did she ever really listen? No, because she was a teenager, and teenagers are a special breed (no matter what species they happen to be) that hear a humming noise in their ears whenever adults (keepers of the dread Conspiracy) tell them what they should be doing. The girl in question, however, should have known better.

Dawn pushed herself off the ground, and took in her new surroundings. Her surroundings included a tall girl about her age, with long brown hair and a pair of glasses. The girl looked as dirty as she did.

“I’m Dawn Summers.”

“Hello, I’m Seaira Alandra.”

“Cool name.”

“No, it’s really not,” she said glumly, brushing the dirt off of her pants.

“Huh?” Dawn asked.

“It describes my talent, and I hate my talent.” Seaira plopped herself down on a nearby tree stump.

“Your talent?”

“Yes. My mother couldn’t name me for days after the stork delivered me.”

“When the what delivered you?”

“When the stork delivered me. Whenever I closed my eyes, I’d float up to the ceiling. But whenever I open them, I plummet back to the ground,” Seaira sighed. “So my mother gave me a name that would serve as a warning. I see air and I land.”

“Wow. That’s fairly freaksome.”

“Yeah, too bad I couldn’t get a nice, safe talent.”

“Wait, so everybody here has some magic gift that helps them get through life?” Dawn asked curiously.

“Yes. What’s your talent?”

“Well, I guess I open portals to other dimensions, but only when I bleed.” Dawn tried to stop herself, but the words just slipped out of her mouth without warning.

“Well, that’s, er, unusual.” Seaira didn’t know what to say, so she decided to keep her mouth shut.

“So, you live around here?”

“Oh, no! My village is to the north. I’m on a quest, actually.”

“A quest?” Dawn tried to keep her suspicion low.

“Yes. To fix my talent and well, become a Major Character.”

“A what?”

“A Major Character. Nothing devastating ever happens to them, most of them fall madly in love, and well, they get let in on the Adult Conspiracy,” Seaira babbled, her light blue eyes shining with all the excitement of a fangirl.

“Okay, let it on what?”

“The Adult Conspiracy - when you learn how to summon the stork, and do things the adults say you can’t. Where did you say you were from?”

“Um, the USA.”

“The usa? Where’s that?”

“Well, you’d call it Mundania.”

“Oooh. Like Magician Grey!”

“Like who?”

“Never mind, it’ll take too long to explain.” Seaira sighed.

Dawn bit at her lip. How in the hell had she landed in this weird place? Better yet, how could she get home.

“How did this Magician Grey get home again?”

“Oh, he didn’t. He married Princess Ivy and they have three daughters.”

“He couldn’t go home?”

“Well, not back to Mundania.”

“How do I get back then? Who the %&*% can tell me?” Dawn snapped. Seaira stared at her wide-eyed. “Did weird looking symbols just come out of my mouth instead of the swear word I tried to say?”



“Exactly. Oh, I have an idea!” Seaira clapped her hands excitedly. “You can come with me to ask the Good Magician Humphrey’s help.”

“The what now?”

“Good Magician Humphrey. He can tell you how to get home, and you’ll only have to give him a year’s service as payment,” Seaira winced at Dawn’s screech.


The End?

You have reached the end of "Real Phunny" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 19 Sep 05.

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