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Why Me?

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Summary: Cobra Bubbles thought he was having a good day. (Buffy, Lilo and Stitch)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Cartoons > Lilo and StitchJoeBFR71010,86135015,44625 Sep 0519 Apr 14No

Why Me?

Why Me?

Disclaimer: Mutant Enemy owns Buffy, Disney owns Lilo and Stitch.

Author’s Note: I know I should be working on the next chapter of Imhotep’s Key. Blame Aesop over on fanfiction.net for this, his plot bunny bit my plot bunny and here we are.

Fic Starts Here

Cobra Bubbles smiled to himself as he headed for the embarkation lounge. The expression didn’t look quite right on the huge, bald headed black man. His severe black suit and Raybans looked tailor made for a very serious frown. But, he had reason to smile, the family he had just been with was going to make it, for a while there had been doubts.

Originally he had worked for the CIA. While there he had been part of a team that had met with, and had gotten a group of aliens to agree to leave humanity alone by convincing them that mosquitoes were an endangered species and that mankind was their primary food source. After the treaty had been ratified he had been offered a job anywhere for his part in the negotiations. He had chosen to become an Agent for Youth Services in Hawaii. His impressive physique and his ‘don’t mess with me, there are less painful methods of committing suicide’ attitude made him the perfect heavy to send in on troublesome cases. While originally he hadn’t been all that happy to be used that way, he quickly came to realize that often he was the last hope that these kids had and had become much more comfortable with it. He was good at it, and while he hated to brake up families he consoled himself that it gave the youngsters he placed in other homes a fighting chance.

So, he had been dispatched to check on a minor whose name was Lilo. Her parents had been killed in a traffic accident and Lilo’s guardianship had been granted to her sister. On the way to the meeting he had almost hit with his car, and then had his car assault by a young woman who had turned out to be Nani, the minor’s sister and guardian. He had then found the sister locked out of the house with Lilo inside with their dinner burning unattended on the stove. He recognized that Nani was trying, but he also saw that she wasn’t making it. When he left the house Lilo was attempting to perform a voodoo curse against some of her playmates. The book she was using wasn’t giving her any real tips so he left her to work out her frustrations her way. After giving Lilo his card and telling her that if she was ever left alone again to give him a call, he warned Nani that she had three days to convince him not to take her sister and place her in another home.

The next day he had learned that Nani had lost her job and on checking in with her he had, for the first time, met Stitch. He had recognized immediately that the small, what ever it was, was not the dog they claimed it to be, in fact he doubted seriously if it was even from earth. Stitch resembled a blue furred koala bear with long ears. He was a lot more active than a koala though. Cobra had discovered this fact when the blue creature had bounced a book off of his head. He warned Nani she needed to find a job quickly, and told what ever it was it needed to become a model citizen.

It turned out though that the small alien was an escaped genetic experiment from the same Galatic Federation he had worked out the peace treaty with. They wanted the little monster back but, they didn’t want to violate the treaty. They sent in a small team made up of Stitch’s creator, a four eyed alien scientist by the name of Jumba Jookiba, and an expert on the planet Earth named Pleakly to recapture him. Through a long series of misadventures that ended with both the failure to capture Stitch and the dynamic duo being fired from the case the galactic police officer who had orgianlly let Stitch escape was dispatched to finish the mission. Unfortunately Gantu, the cop, only managed to catch Lilo, Stitch managing to escape from confinement without Gantu realizing it. Stitch managed to rescue her and capture Gantu, well from what he had heard it was more of a rescue, When the President of the Galactic Federation showed up to capture Stitch herself. Lilo had managed to convince the President that she owned Stitch and the President had then banished Stitch to Earth, at the same time placing Lilo’s family under Federation protection. She had also marooned the Jumba and Pleakly on Earth. Not that they minded too much as they were adopted into Lilo and Stitch’s Ohana, or family, immediately.

Cobra had to admit, that Jumba and Pleakly sort of grew on you, like a fungus sometimes, but they did. The best example of this to Cobra’s mind was that Jumba, Stitch’s creator, had brought along with him the other six hundred and twenty-five experiments in a dehydrated form. When his partner in the experiments had sent the disgraced Galactic cop Gantu, who had been fired in the wake of his attempting to capture Stitch, to look for them, the container was opened over the island and the dehydrated experiments, each looking like a marble with its id number stenciled on it, had been scattered all over it. Now any time one of these marbles came in contact with water it would activate the creature, each a living weapon of some sort. Lilo and Stitch were appointed by the Galactic President herself to hunt down and find homes for these six hundred odd creatures. Cobra had to admit so far they had been doing a pretty good job of it. It helped that Jumba was usually available, he had made them after all, and that Stitch was the culmination of Jumba’s work. The little guy was amazing; he could lift three thousand times his own weight, was bullet and flame proof, and had a mind like a super computer. All and all, a lethal little package, kind of like the Slayer, Cobra stopped and frowned; now why did he just think about Buffy Summers? Maybe, because here she comes out of the arrival gate with Willow Rosenberg and a black haired girl he didn’t recognize, but who moved with the same kind of lethal grace that Buffy Summers exhibited.

Cobra stopped. Behind his sunglasses he rolled his eyes to the heavens and prayed, “Lord, let them be here on vacation.” That would be bad enough, but he could call Lilo and have her and Stitch lay low for a how ever long they were here.

Cobra stopped and patted himself down, then put one of those annoyed/embarrassed expressions on his face that people wore when they forgot something and followed behind the trio of girls. They stopped at the island map at the entrance to the terminal and he went up to a rack filled with brochures that was right behind them and pretended to look them over.

“This is going to be the best vacation ever!” Buffy Summers stated with total confidence.

The eyes went back heavenward and he said to himself, “Thanks, I owe you one.”

Then Willow said, “Aren’t you forgetting something Buffy? We have a couple of demons to run down first.”

Buffy waved it aside, “That shouldn’t take long. The little blue one might be harder to find, but from what we’ve been able to dig up he seems to spend a lot of time out in public, and the big whale demon? Where’s it going to hide? Dawn will be here in three days, I want the Council business done and over with by then so all we have to worry about is fun, sun, and shopping. So lets get going.” They stopped by the luggage carousel and each grabbed two bags then headed out of the terminal.

Cobra Bubbles glared at the ceiling, “That last statement? I take it back.”
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