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Medium Sized Trouble In Little China

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This story is No. 2 in the series "Oh, The Places He Goes!". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Xander, Jack Burton, Lo Pan, and a really good brew

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Big Trouble in Little ChinaphoukaFR713,21211014,4754 Dec 054 Dec 05Yes
Medium Sized Trouble in Little China

Not-the-Author's Note: This is the second crossover by my brother. He's a Xander geek, and good thing too, as I love reading his stuff. I take personal credit for getting him hooked on Buffy, all those years ago. Muahahahahahaha.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Not his. Joss' and somebody else's. Promise not to make money off it. Promise to put it back when done.

Xander fidgeted at the luggage pickup in San Francisco International Airport. He yawned as he glanced through the crowd at the carousel. He recognized a few faces as fellow passengers on his flight. Some of the crowd were obviously friends and family as they greeted the passengers.

Xander yawned again. It was the second day in a row, he caught an early flight out.

I’ve become quite the traveler. Xander thought. Been to London, all over Africa, touched down in Cleveland. Now I’ve hit the Seattle area and San Francisco in the span of two days. Quite a change since my aborted Road Trip after graduation.

Xander’s gaze stopped on two men, one Caucasian and one Asian peering through the crowd. The Asian male had a picture in one hand he kept glancing at.

Must be looking for someone in particular.

As there was still no sign of any luggage on the carousel, Xander continued his study of the crowd. He spotted a clump of friends chattering and hugging each other.

Been a long time since I had any friends to greet me like that. Haven’t even spoken to Buffy and Willow since I left for Africa. I only talk to Giles about Council business. I get the occasional e-mail and phone call from Dawn. Haven’t spoken a word to Faith since… Geez did we even speak during that last year in Sunnydale? Oh, well. Water under burnt bridges and all that.

Xander turned from the group of friends. Turning his gaze, Xander spotted a group of four Asian youths. Like him, they were gazing at the crowd. Xander watched the gang in curiosity.

Okay, something about them is giving me the heeby-jeebies… I can’t believe I actually used that term. They give me a wiggins… better, but a tad dated. They give me the… shimmies. Yeah. That’ll work. Shimmies. Try to use that word more, maybe it’ll catch on and…

“Let me go!”

Xander looked up from his thoughts and saw one of the gang had grabbed a young woman from the crowd and were hauling her to the parking lot.

“Yeoh Li!” Xander heard someone shout.

Xander realized that the crowd was too thick for him to charge straight at the gang. Xander jumped up on the carousel and climbed over to the other side, bring him closer to the gang. Xander saw the Asian and Caucasian man break through the crowd and confront the gang.

“Careful, Jack. They’ve got Yeoh.” The Asian man said.

“I see it, Wang. But don’t you worry. Ol’ Jack Burton has got this under control.

“All right, kiddos. Maybe you missed a memo or didn’t check the bulletin board, but those carefree and happy days when dumb hooligans like you pull snatch and grabs of innocent girls are long over.”

The gang leader spat at Jack. “When Lo Pan walks again, the Wing Cong will rise from the ashes and feast on your bones.”

Xander glanced between the two groups.

Where the hell is security? So far it’s four to two odds. But I don’t know if these guys can take the gang. Gotta wait for an opening.

“You aren’t the first to take me on and odds are you won’t be the last. But when the forces of darkness rise up and decide that the first step in their plot is to come after you with all they got, you just remember what Jack Burton says. ‘Take a number, pal. And let the cards fall-’”

Xander tackled the gang member from behind, knocking the captive girl loose.

“Run!” Xander yelled at her.

The three other gang members turned to face Xander.

“Um, hi.” Xander said, “I don’t suppose we could discuss this like peaceful men?”

The gang leader pulled out a knife and stepped towards Xander. But before he could take a second step, the Asian man Wang struck him from behind.

The other two gang members turned back to Jack and Wang, they glanced to each other then ran off to the parking lot.

Xander grabbed a hold of the gang member he tackled and tried to hold him. The member turned to Xander mutter words under his breath. He looked up, and Xander saw that the man’s eye were fully black.

“I hate magic.” Xander said, just as a wave of energy struck him in the chest and knocked him back several feet. Xander felt a tingling in his chest as he tried to rise.

The gang member turned to the gang leader Wang was fighting. They nodded, turned, and run to the parking lot. Wang took a step in their direction, but Jack put a hand on his arm.

“No time. Security will be here any second, and I don’t plan on spending the next several days in a tiny room being interrogated.”

Wang nodded, then looked down at Xander. “What about him?”

Jack shrugged. “He stepped up to help. In my book, that means we don’t leave him behind to answer awkward questions.”

Xander tried to speak, but felt too groggy. He heard the alarm of the luggage carousel start as darkness came over him.

Xander heard voices as he awakened.

Where am I? I was on a plane. On my way to find a book. There was a fight. A girl was grabbed. The guy with black eyes whammied me.… Did the girl get away?

“They took Yeoh Li!”

Xander recognized the voice of the Asian man, he saw at the airport.

Guess that answers that question.

“It was the Wing Cong, they’re back.”

Who are the-

“The dreaded street gang, who waged a bloody gang war with the Chang Sing, wiping out their rivals, only to be decimated by the agents of Lo Pan when he tried to restore his power and rule over the earth?”

Xander didn’t recognize the new voice. He cracked open his eye and saw a middle aged Caucasian woman dressed professionally sitting at a kitchen table. Also at the table were the Asian and American from the airport and an older smaller Asian man.

“The same. When they grabbed her, they mentioned something about Lo Pan returning.”

Xander saw the American man from the airport get up.

“Uh-uh. No way. I already lived through this part and have the scars to prove it. Lo Pan is dead. Knife to the head. Swift, clean, and deadly. And I’m not just saying that cause I’m the one who did it. This guy bought the farm, kicked the bucket, took a one way ticket to hell and is hopefully rotting away -”

“Jack! We get the idea. But we’re talking about a man who lived for centuries and treats death as a temporary condition.”

“I know that, Wang. But the whole point of that last time was that it was his last time. We stopped the ritual and he died. And as Ol’ Jack Burton always says-”

“If your encounter with Lo Pan has taught you nothing else, it is that the world works in ways you could not imagine.” The older Asian man interrupted.

“Thanks for the fortune cookie advice, Egg. But we still have a problem here.”

Egg? Looks like I found my bookseller. Just wish I wasn’t knocked out in order to find him. I am so sick of magic users.

“Jack’s right. Yeoh has been taken, and the Wing Cong have her. Now I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they grabbed her around the same time they think Lo Pan will return. Now why would they want her.” Wang said.

“Didn’t you say that Yeoh had changed?” Jack asked.

“You mean how over a year ago, she found herself overcome with a wave of energy, leaving her stronger, faster, with more resilience, yet troubled by strange dreams?”

Why does that sound familiar? Aw crap.

“There are several rituals that can bring back a departed spirit. But they all require rare or unique items. There is one that requires the blood of a mystically powered warrior.” Egg said.

Xander stood up and faced the group.

“Then I think we better hurry to stop these guys. It sounds like Yeoh is exactly what they’re looking for.”

Xander glanced at Jack, Wang, and Egg as they prepared to stop the ritual. Xander grabbed a crossbow, machete, and out of habit, a few stakes. Jack grabbed two pistols, while Wang picked up a sword. Xander glanced at Egg as he mixed ingredients together in a bowl.

“Nervous, kid? Don’t worry. Egg will take good care of us.” Jack said.

“I just don’t like magic that much. Even when you think it’s harmless, people still their memory or burst into song at random intervals.” Xander answered.

“Just watch yourself in there. When these things go down, normal reason doesn’t apply. Up is down, black is white. Things you can’t imagine come out to snack on your brains. The only things you can trust are the weapon in your hand and the man fighting next to you. Cause when it gets down and dirty…”

Geez, this guy just won’t shut up. What the hell is he talking about, anyway? Okay, found the guy with Giles’s book. Can’t get the book, until we stop the evil spirit from rising. Also have found a possible Slayer. Once we rescue her, I’ll give her the whole ‘The world is older than you know’ spiel. But if she’s hanging with this bunch, she probably won’t be surprised.

“That’s when Jack Burton says…”

Is he still talking? Just nod my head every few seconds and he thinks I’m listening. And some people think I didn’t learn anything in high school. See if the Slayer wants to join the Council. If not, see if we can set up a line of communication between the Council and this group.

“Jack, Xander. It’s time.”

Xander, Jack, Wang, and Egg rode in the ancient elevator in silence. After a few moments Xander spoke.

“So, I guess all the evil ceremonies take place underground in this city.”

“Yup.” Jack replied.

“Must be convenient having this whole elevator system that takes you straight to the battle zone.”

“Guess I never thought about it.”

Silence descended for another minute.

“Ours were usually in abandoned factories. In the central part of town. Very accessible.”

The men shuffled nervously.

“Of course, it was a pretty small town. Everywhere was pretty central in the town.”

Xander quieted down as the elevator continued down.

“The bus system could get you anywhere in ten minutes. Really a model of efficiency, always ran on time. Of course it was set up by the mayor. And he was evil. Go figure.”

“Say, Egg. Isn’t it about time for that magic potion.” Jack said with a hint of desperation.

“The potion will come when the moment is right. Your asking will not hurry it. But yes, it is time to drink.” Egg answered.

Egg passed out cups to the three men. Wang and Jack quickly downed it, while Xander nervously eyed his.

“C’mon Xander. Drink up. You won’t regret it.” Wang urged.

“I’ve just had some bad experiences with magic. I’m a little gunshy here. You think you’re getting something harmless, then the next thing you know, you can breathe underwater and… Actually, that would be pretty cool. Why the hell did I get all those blood transfusions?”

Xander downed his drink and glanced around.

“So how soon does this take effect?” Xander asked.

Jack jumped up and down excitedly. “Takes effect pretty quickly.

Wang, you feeling anything yet?”

Wang looked up from watching his hand move back and forth. “Oh yeah. How about you?”

“Sure do, Wang!” Jack affirmed. “High five!”

Jack and Wang went into a complicated, yet surprisingly well choreographed high five, handshake combination.

Okay, maybe I took that potion a little too quickly. These guys are a starting to freak me out. Better did a mental check. Any fever? No. Dizziness? No. Actually, I feel fine. Not just fine. I feel pretty damn good. If fact I feel PRETTY FREAKIN’ AWESOME! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?

“HELL YEAH!” Jack and Wang shouted.

Must have said that last part out loud.

Jack pulled out a pistol while Wang unsheathed his sword. Xander hefted his machete. The doors began to creak open.

The doors flung open and the four men stared at the twenty armed gang members positioned around a pentagram. In the center was the young girl Xander saw from the airport, with an angry look on her face. Xander could see a ghostly from coalescing in the pentagram.

“Let’s kick some ass!” Jack yelled.

Hours later, Xander held an icepack to his head. The entire battle had been a blur. He remembered a lot of shouting in Chinese. He thought he saw Wang and a few of the gang members jumping dozens of feet and having a sword battle mid air. He definitely remembered the ancient looking ghost ranting at him as they tried and failed to hit him.

“I hate magic.” Xander muttered.

Yeoh Li looked up at him.


Xander looked around. “Sorry, what was that?”

Wang answered. “She said ‘You threw a knife at my head.’”

“I know, but it worked didn’t it? That Lo Pan guy blocked everything we threw at him. I was pretty sure that if I threw you my knife, you could stab him.” Xander explained.

Wang translated this to Yeoh.

Jack slapped Xander on the back.

“Good fight, kid. Even though me and Wang here took out most of the gang.”

Xander winced at the slap.

“?????????,?” Yeoh asked angrily.

“She says ‘What do you mean pretty sure?’” Wang said.

“I mean, that it sounded like she was a Slayer. And, you know heat of the moment, middle of a battle, I had a hunch. So I went with that.” Xander replied. “And why am I the only one hung over? We all took that potion.”

Jack shrugged. “I guess some people are more sensitive.”

Xander pressed the icepack back to his head. “I really, really hate magic.”

“????? ?????????????”

Xander glanced at Wang.

Wang sighed. “‘You risked my life on a hunch?’”

“It worked, didn’t it?” Xander answered.


Xander looked at Yeoh Li. “Okay, I’ve been around Chao Ann long enough to know what that one meant.”

Jack laughed. “Well, kid. I’ve been all over this world, and the one thing I’ve learned is that women will get pissed at you over the littlest thing. ‘Cause when it comes to matters of the heart…”

Oh god, he’s monologuing again. I can’t take this right now. Okay, just go to my happy place. Bonfire at the Sunnydale beach. Sunrise over the Serengeti. Watching the new Slayers in the sweats stretching before a workout.

“Mr. Harris.”

Xander looked up as Egg Shen entered the room.

“Thank god. I mean, yes. What is it?”

“I have the text you asked about. And I believe we can arrange for Yeoh Li’s transfer to this school you mentioned.”

Xander perked up. “Great. Although I’m surprised Yeoh agreed to it. I get the impression, she doesn’t like me that much.”

Egg shrugged. “Her parents have been concerned ever since she changed. Once you told me of the Slayer, I realized what had happened to her. I explained to her parents how your school will help her adjust to her changes. And I also assured Yeoh, that you would not be one of her teachers.”

“I actually am pretty good with meeting new Slayers.” Xander said.

Egg and Wang exchanged a dubious glance.

“Really. I helped set up the Africa school. I personally recruited fifteen Slayers in two years. By myself.”

Jack now joined his friends in looking dubious.

“Really. I’m not making this up.” Xander glanced at the men and girl in the room.

“Fine, don’t believe me.” Xander mumbled. “Like I buy that story about the lightning wielding demi-gods you say you killed.”

Xander’s phone rang as he ranted under his breath. Xander opened it.

“Giles. Good to hear from you.”

“Xander. I hate to be a bother, but I hadn’t heard from you. Have you been able to track down Necrotelenomicon yet?” Giles asked.

“Sure did. And that’s not all I found.”

“Excellent. That book will be pivotal for a ceremony in London in two months. But, what else did you find?”

“A Slayer.” Xander smiled as he imagined the look on Giles’s face.

“A Slayer! Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. Walks, talks, and quacks like a Slayer. And the timeline fits too. Good news is that she’s already walked on the supernatural side and is willing to come to the London school.”

“Xander, I’m speechless. This is so much more than I could have expected. You actually found a Slayer in a small town like Seacouver?”

“Not exactly. The book you sent me after had been sold, and I tracked it down to the guy that bought it in San Francisco.” Xander said.

“San Francisco. This is excellent.” Giles said. “And it brings me to a topic I wanted to discuss with you.”

“What is it?” Xander asked.

“Since you came back from Africa, I know that you’ve been feeling restless and a little at loose ends.”

“Yeah. I suppose so.”

“Well, the new Watcher’s Council is still short staffed in North America. Most of the people who’ve joined are either researchers or directly training and supervising Slayers. And they are all tied down to whatever city the Slayer lives in. So what we really need are troubleshooters who can go from location to location.”

Xander pondered this. “You mean I get to travel over the country investigating weird happenings?”

“Very much so.” Giles answered.

“Wow, all I need is a van and a talking Great Dane, and it’s just like Scooby-Doo.”

“Yes. Although, I’m afraid I’m stuck with our version of Scrappy, since Andrew won’t leave my side.”

“Yeah. Too bad for you- Did you just make a joke about and American cartoon?” Xander asked.

“I…. Damn. Unfortunately you seemed to have influenced me over the years. Now I have to read some Shakespeare to atone.”

“Don’t resist it, Giles. Join us. Join us.” Xander chanted into his phone.

“Well, aside from that. I have your first assignment.”

“Great. Now I can finally get away from the magic and side effects over here.” Xander said under his breath.

“The Council wishes to make contact with a family in San Francisco.” Giles said.

“Who are they, and what’s the Council want with them?” Xander asked.

“They’re a family of witches. Possibly the most powerful magic users in the western hemisphere. They…. Xander are you whimpering?”

“Just give me the info, Giles.”

Xander calmly wrote down the contact information then said his goodbyes to Giles. Once he hung up, he calmly banged his head against the wall.

After four thumps, Xander straightened up again.

“Okay, no use putting this off. Time to visit the Halliwell family.”

Next: An UnCharmed Life

The End

You have reached the end of "Medium Sized Trouble In Little China". This story is complete.

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