Title: Cousinly Coffee Capers
Author: Bastard Snow
Disclaimer: None of it is mine.
Warnings: ACCURATE SPOILERS FOR SEASON ONE OF VERONICA MARS
A/N: As always, thanks to Drake for the beta. And some help with Logan.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Wallace Fennel could not get to sleep. It was a problem, because not only did he have a test in the morning, he had a basketball game that he had to be rested up for. But for some reason, his brain just wouldn’t stop running.
So at almost 1 AM, Wallace was awake to hear the rumble of motorcycles passing his house, too slowly for his comfort, but fast enough that he wasn’t really worried. The motorcycles paused for a minute that seemed to drag on into eternity, but soon enough they started moving again and Wallace breathed a sigh of relief.
And then came the screeching of brakes, and the shattering of glass, and a too-quiet silence that spoke of imminent violence. Despite himself, Wallace walked to the window and saw just what he expected: Neptune’s motorcycle gang approaching a family vehicle.
There was no way this was going to end well. He sat down to watch.
* * * * *
“Oh, jeez, I’m really sorry.”
Xander stepped out of the rented car shaking his head.
“Man, that was completely my fault. I didn’t stop in time. I’m really sorry.”
Xander looked up and noticed that the young men in leather jackets seemed to be approaching him in a menacing fashion. They were not happy, and many of them seemed to be armed with bludgeoning weapons. Tire irons and the like.
“So, yeah. Completely my fault. Um, I’ll pay for all the damages.”
“You disrespected my bike, hombre,” one of the larger ones spat while smacking a tire iron in his hand.
It figured, of course, that he’d hit a guy who thought a machine was deserving of respect, and was willing to beat the crap out of a person over it. Xander thought that was just his kind of luck. He held up his hands in a calming gesture.
“Now, let’s not do something really stupid right now, okay? I’ll pay to have your bike fixed. Upgraded, even. Okay?”
“That sounds good,” said one of the others. “I think you should take that, man.”
“No way. He has to pay more than money,” said the offended party.
If there was one thing Xander disliked more than stupid people it was… well, there were a lot of things, like demons and vampires and girls who were all soft and pretty and smelled nice but were confusing.
But another thing he disliked more than stupid people was *stubborn* stupid people.
“Man,” said the smaller thug, “if Weevil was here –“
“Yeah, well Weevil *ain’t* here. He’s with that bitch. And I say we smoke this gringo.”
The passenger door opened, and about half of the assembled gang whistled.
“You kids are pretty stupid, you know that?”
Xander sighed. “Not helping, Faith.”
“Yeah, Faith,” said the large guy. “You ain’t helping your boy here. I tell you what, though, you wanna wait just a minute, I’ll get right to you.”
Faith winked at Xander, and he knew there would be violence.
“I’ll tell you what,” Faith said. “How about instead of him paying you for the damages, you pay me for putting your stupid ass in front of the car I was sleeping in. How does that sound?”
He turned to Xander. “Hey, you took your muzzle off your bitch.”
Xander sighed and his shoulders sagged. “You see? I was going to try to get her to calm down. But not only are you stupid and stubborn, you don’t know when to shut up, you value possessions over people, and frankly, you look a bit like an ogre.”
Xander wouldn’t normally be the first to attack somebody, especially in a situation where the odds were something like 9 on 2. But it was late, he was grumpy, the man had just insulted his (maybe might sort of be thinking about possibly being something, not sure what, but something, more than a) friend, and frankly, the guy just bugged him.
So Xander swung out and connected with the guy’s jaw with a solid right cross, and the scene descended into chaos.
* * * * *
Willow awoke suddenly to the sound of a body being slammed on the hood of the car.
“Whuz going on?” she asked.
“Faith and Xander are in a street fight with a motorcycle gang,” Buffy explained. She was watching with interest.
“Oh,” Willow said. “Wake me when we get to the hotel?”
* * * * *
Xander grabbed the collar of the leather jacket nearest to him, pulled it down to waist level and swung it as hard as he could towards the rental car. The head that was attached to the jacket smacked into the door with a loud bang, denting the car and rendering the wearer of the jacket unconscious.
“Glad I got the insurance,” Xander muttered. His knee was kicked in from behind, and he flew forward, catching himself on the door and inadvertently landing another knee on the back of the unconscious car-denter.
The window rolled down.
“You doing okay out there?”
“Think we’re all right, Buff, thanks.” Xander smiled as he felt two hands grasp his shoulders.
“Maybe a little help.”
Xander released the door and fell purposely to the ground, bringing his attacker with him. Said attacker released Xander and steadied himself on the door, much as Xander had.
“Hi,” Buffy said to him. Xander heard a thud, and felt dead (or rather, sleeping) weight fall on him. He rolled over and stood up again.
“Thanks,” he said. “Back in a minute.”
Xander waded back in to the ever-smaller fray, pulling a thug away from the circle of four surrounding Faith. This man received an elbow to the back of the head and was quickly sent flying into the group of motorcycles still standing in front of the car.
He turned back to the fight, only to find it ended.
“Wait, those guys were all about to attack you a second ago,” he protested.
Faith shrugged. “I kicked ‘em.”
“Oh. Okay.” He turned to Buffy. “Final count?”
“Faith five, Xander four.”
“Really?” they both asked.
“Well, Xander, you got the head start when Faith slipped on the oil, and then since you’re bigger, they came after you. Of course, she caught up.”
“Wow,” Xander said, amazed with himself. “One under a Slayer. Not bad. Not bad at all.”
Faith cocked an eyebrow at him, and Xander grinned lewdly at her.
“You probably shouldn’t leave these guys just lying in the street,” Buffy pointed out.
Faith grinned at Xander. “Let’s drag ‘em to the median and make it look like they did the nasty.”
Xander’s eyes shone with humor and glee. “I like the way you think.”
End Chapter 1