In the House of Elrond
Title: In the House of Elrond
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Verse: BtVS, LOTR
Characters: Anya, Elrond, Gandalf, Legolas
Summary: Trouble of a different kind in the Last Homely House.
A/N: I don't own any of these characters, places, etc. My first fic.
A/N2: Title art now included in the story. I don't own the images that went into their making.
“This is unacceptable Mithrandir!” Elrond said, exasperated beyond measure. “She has assaulted or tried to assault every single male Elf (and some female ones as well) in this valley, excepting my person, her style of dress is practically indecent and yet she does nothing to correct this. I can handle her unusual way of talking, crude as it is and I can forgive her almost braking and tearing invaluable artifacts of history. I can even forgive her the occasional harassment of the single Elf. But trying to corner my sons, almost wrecking the library in her haste to slake her lusts is one step too far! I demand something be done! You brought her here, you deal with her!”
His volume had risen with each word, until he was practically shouting. He stopped for a breath, about to start again until he saw Gandalf’s face. “Mithrandir! Mithrandir!”
“Hmmm…Oh yes, Elrond, you were saying?” the highly amused wizard said.
“You hadn’t been listening to a word I said, haven’t you?”
“Nonsense, my dear Peredhil. Yes, I agree that something should be done about Anya’s,” Gandalf gave a delicate little cough, “overtures of romance.”
“Hey! It’s not like there’s anything else to do for fun out here. And elves must be the most sexually repressed race I have ever met. Why make them so good looking if not one wants to give me any orgasms - although that dark haired one looked like he was going to-”
“Anya!” Both Elf and Wizard turned to stare at the young woman who had, up until now been sitting quietly on the chair in the corner pouting.
“What?” she asked them, oblivious. “He would have.” Elrond sighed, rubbing his temples. Gandalf hid a chuckle into his beard.
A knock interrupted the group in Elrond’s study. Wearily, Elrond bid the knocker to come in. With a smile, Gandalf suddenly rose and made some flimsy excuse, brushing quickly past the startled elf in the doorway.
“Master Elrond, forgive the intrusion.” The lord of Imladris turned to look at the Elf from Mirkwood, his mouth open to reply. He stopped at the look of sudden interest on Anya’s face. Plan quickly formed, he grabbed the girl, practically flinging her at Legolas saying “No harm done, little Greenleaf! If you would not mind showing our guest around Imladris, I would be most grateful.” He ushered them to the still open door, closing it behind the flabbergasted prince and smiling otherworlder with a satisfying click. Smiling contentedly, he went back to his desk to finish his paperwork.
On the other side of the door a still bewildered Legolas stared at the woman who was staring right back at him with growing apprehension. Her gaze had a hungry look, and he was quite sure that that included him in one way or another. His suspicions were confirmed a moment later when she said, “You, me, my room, hot sex?” Legolas silently vowed to get back at Elrond; after he got out of this mess.