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Our Mrs. Cobb

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Summary: Start during 'Our Mrs. Reynolds but has a Rayne twist. It continues from there with our 'married' couple. ***Chapter 24 added, was left out orginally***

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Firefly > Multiple Pairings(Past Donor)sevangelFR1825117,12359146144,0598 Feb 0629 Jan 07Yes
CoA Winner


Title: Wives
Series: Our Mrs. Cobb
Author: Sevangel
Disclaimer: Not mine
Rating: PG-13
A/N: Here it is; first part of my answer to the Our Mrs. Cobb challenge. Most of this was written a while back. I proofed it and fixed some parts though. Crossover in next chapter

“I’m sorry, go back to the part where you’re my wife.” Mal orders confusedly.

“I don’t please you?” A young, red-haired woman whispers.

“You can’t please me.” Mal screeches. “You don’t even know me.” He glances over when he sees Jayne and Zoe enter the bay. “Zoe, why do I have a wife?”

“You got a wife?” Jayne asks. “All I got is that dumbass stick sounds like it’s raining. How come you got a wife?”

“You have a wife too.” The woman replies.

Jayne and Mal both turn to stare at her.

“Woman, I don’t know what you’re on, but I ain’t got a wife.” Jayne growls. “Think I’d remember her if’n I did.”

“One would think.” Mal mutters. “Zoe, would you get Wash?”

“This is Zoe. We need all personnel in the cargo bay.” Zoe says as she hits the com.

“Whoa, whoa.” Mal protests. “I said Wash.”

“Captain, everybody should have a chance to congratulate you on your day of bliss.” Zoe replies.

“Jayne too.” Mal mutters and then glares at her. “You’re gonna be cleaning latrines with your face you don’t knock that off.”

“Let’s get back to the part where Mal’s wife said I gotta wife.” Jayne says. “Cause I’m still confused on that part.”

Mal starts to say something but turns around when he hears the rest of the crew moving into the bay.

“Who’s the new recruit?” Book asks, looking at the young woman standing across from Mal.

“Everybody, I want you to meet Mrs. Reynolds.” Zoe announces with a smile.

“You got married?” Kaylee squeals excitedly.

“We always hoped you two kids would get together.” Wash comments, looking between Mal and the woman. “Who is she?”

“Let’s forget bout her and focus on her sayin’ I got a wife.” Jayne says, turning to look at her. “Cause I still ain’t got an answer that I like.”

“You were betrothed.” The woman replies, pointing across the bay. “To her.”

Everyone follows her finger to where River is standing, her eyes watching the scene in amusement.

“WHAT?” Jayne yells.

“WHAT?” Simon echoes.

River giggles.

“Wash, turn the ship around.” Mal orders.

“Can’t.” Wash replies.

“That’s an order.” Mal growls.

“Yeah, but can’t.” Wash replies. “Seems one of those guys you killed has family ties to the local government. So, unless you’re wanting to take a walk into the gallows, I suggest we stay on course.”

“I want to know why she thinks my little sister is married to…that.” Simon says.

“Hey.” Jayne protests. “And I wanna know too.”

“Simon, do you have an encyclopedia?” Book questions.

“Shide.” Simon replies and leaves the bay to go get it.

“This isn’t happening.” Mal mutters. He turns to glare at the woman, who is crying softly and leaning against Kaylee. “Would you stop that?”

“For God’s sake, Mal.” Inara says angrily. “Could you be a human being for thirty seconds?”

“As one married man to another…” Wash starts.

“I ain’t married!” Mal yells and then turns to face her. “I’m sorry, I’m sure you have nice…qualities, but I didn’t ever marry you.”

“I believe you did.” Book says quietly, reading from Simon’s hand held computer. “Both of you did, last night.”

“How drunk was I last night?” Mal questions Jayne quietly. “How drunk were you?”

“Hell, I dunno.” Jayne mutters. “I passed out.”

“It says here.” Book starts. “The woman lays a wreath upon her intended, which I do recall seeing both of them doing, which represents his sovereignty…”

“That was you?” Mal and Jayne both bellow at their ‘wives’.

River walks over to stand next to the young woman, tilting her head to examine Jayne. “Yes.” River says, speaking for the first time.

“And he drinks of her wine.” Book finishes. “And then there’s a dance with a joining of hands. The marriage ceremony of the Triumph Settlers. You two are newlyweds.”

Mal and Jayne glance at the two women standing side-by-side and then look back to Book. “What’s it say in there bout divorce?” They both question.

The redhead gives a cry and runs out of the room. River looks at Jayne and then kicks him in the shin.

“Gorramit, what was that for?” Jayne yells, hopping on one leg.

“Hwin dahn.” River growls.

“You saw River doing this to Jayne?” Simon asks Book.

“Yes.” Book answers.

“Why didn’t you stop her?” Simon questions.

“I didn’t know it was a marriage ceremony.” Book replies. “I just thought she was trying to smooth over the rough edges of your involvement with Jayne.”

“She ain’t from Triumph.” Jayne points out. “Neither am I so it don’t really count.”

“A marriage is a legal agreement regardless of a person’s citizenship.” River replies. “We are legally married.”

“Mei-mei, you can’t be married.” Simon protests. “You’re not a state-of-mind to make those kinds of choices…” He screeches and stops talking when River kicks him in the shin.

“I am not stupid.” River growls. “And am old enough to make my own decisions.”

“You knew?” Simon gasps.

“Yes.” River replies.

“WHAT!” Mal and Jayne yell.

“You knew we was gettin’ married and you still did it?” Jayne growls.

“Yes.” River answers. “I did tell you that it was a marriage ceremony and you found it to be humorous that the captain was getting married. You didn’t protest when I did it to you..”

“I don’t remember that.” Jayne mutters.

“There’s much you don’t remember.” River comments.

“Oh, god, you didn’t…he didn’t….” Simon stutters.

“Our marriage was not sexual consummated.” River replies. “While alcohol doesn’t always effect a man’s ability to become erect, it does make it difficult for most men to retain an erection.”

“MEI-MEI!” Simon screeches. “You can’t….”

“I know about sex, Simon.” River replies, rolling her eyes. “I think you forget that I am no longer 14.”

“She ain’t old enough.” Jayne says. “She too young for it to be legal.”

“I am 18.” River replies. “So there.”

“Kaylee, take River somewhere Jayne ain’t.” Mal orders. “I’m gonna go find whatever her name is. The rest of you go on to the mess so’s we can get this sorted out.”

“I am going to the mess too.” River replies. “It involves me.”

“Fine.” Mal mutters. “Just go.”

“Fine mess you got yourself into.” Zoe comments.

Mal glares at her. “Least I ain’t alone in this.” His head nods back to Jayne. “And least my wife ain’t kickin’ me.”

“Gorram moonbrain.” Jayne mutters.


The crew is gathered in the mess, watching while Mal’s ‘wife’ Saffron makes him dinner.

“She’s cookin’ for you?” Jayne questions. “Don’t seem fair. All mine does is kick me.”

River smacks him on the head.

“Gorramit, woman!” Jayne yells.

“A wife is not a servant.” River glares. “She isn’t there to serve you; she’s there to share your life.”

“I don’t wanna share.” Jayne growls.

“Can we get back to making this marriage not real?” Simon questions.

“Yeah.” Jayne agrees.

River glares at him.

“Divorce is rare and there aren’t very many instances of it occurring.” Book tells Jayne and Mal. “It will require dispensations from their pastors and yours. Now, I can be one half of each divorcing couples’ pastor but not both. I have already contacted young Saffron’s pastor and left a message with one of his clergymen. When he responds, we can have your marriage ended.”

“Shiny.” Mal replies.

“But yours isn’t going to be that easy.” Book tells Jayne. “We can’t contact River’s pastor, for oblivious reasons…”

“She doesn’t have one.” Simon cuts in. “So even if we could, it wouldn’t matter.”

“You didn’t go to church?” Kaylee asks.

“We did but when River was 5 she got into a disagreement with her Sunday school teacher over Noah’s Ark and we stopped attending.” Simon replies.

“It’s impossible for that many different species of mammals to fit on one boat.” River comments.

“Yes, well, like I was saying, I can play the part of her preacher but then Jayne will need one.” Book continues. “Though it’s a good thing because she can claim me as the only preacher she has.”

“Jayne, can’t you wave home and get the local preacher to act as yours?” Mal questions.

“Can’t we just find one on the next planet we stop on?” Jayne questions Book.

“It won’t be legal.” River replies. “Captain and I can use Book because neither one of us have a preacher.”

“Then Jayne can just find one.” Mal says. “Ain’t like he’s a big church goin’ man, right?”

“That ain’t exactly true.” Jayne replies. “Back home, I went to church and all.”

“Well, then, just wave your preacher and get him to help Book end this marriage.” Simon says.

Jayne doesn’t reply.

“Jayne, this ain’t a situation to think on.” Mal says.

“Can’t Mal.” Jayne growls.

“You don’t wanna wave him?” Mal questions, an eyebrow raised.

“Can’t.” Jayne repeats. “See, here’s the thing, my preacher also happens to be my older brother. I wave him bout this and he’s gonna tell my ma. And if’n she finds out I got drunk and married a feng-le girl 15 years younger than me, she’s gonna whip my hide fore tellin’ me to suck it up and deal with it.”

“Oh.” Mal mutters.

“Yeah, oh.” Jayne replies. “So, lessen the Preacher can come up with a different plan, we’re stuck in this go-se situation.”

“How does it make a difference if he uses a different preacher?” Simon questions.

“Won’t be real.” River replies. “In his head and heart, his brother is his preacher and nothing will change that. As long as he feels that, it won’t be legally ended.”

“She’s right.” Book agrees. “I could just wave my hand and say they aren’t married but it wouldn’t be legal.”

“Jayne, you’re gonna have to get up the courage to wave your brother.” Mal orders, jumping back slightly when Saffron sets a plate in front of him.

River walks around the table, staring intently at Saffron. “You’re a thief.” River announces.

“Hey now.” Mal says. “Ain’t no call to be sayin’ things like that.”

“She is.” River replies.

“Mei-mei, it isn’t polite to say such things.” Simon scolds.

River rolls her eyes.

“Specially since there ain’t a lick of truth to em.” Mal adds.

“I didn’t think anyone would know.” Saffron says quietly, pulling a packet of protein from under her shirt. “I was hungry.”

Mal looks down at the plate in front of him and then back at her. “Why didn’t you just eat some of this fine meal you fixed?”

“There wasn’t enough for but you.” Saffron replies.

“It’s not a big deal.” Book assures her.

“Yes it is.” Mal says. “How do you expect to survive in this world if you’re too gorram scared to stand up for yourself? You’re hungry, you say somethin’, you don’t go cowerin’ round like a scared animal, dong ma?”

“Yes.” Saffron replies quietly.

“Good.” Mal says. “Cause we’re droppin’ you off in a few days and you ain’t gonna survive long if you keep actin’ this way.”


“There’s times I think you don’t take me seriously.” Jayne says, holding a large gun in his hands. “I think that oughta change.”

“Do you think it’s likely to?” Mal asks, eyeing the gun.

“Six men came to kill me one time.” Jayne says, looking down fondly at the gun. “The best of em carried this. It’s a Callahan full-bore auto lock, customized trigger, double-cartridge thorough gage. It is my very favorite gun.”

“What the gorram hell are you gettin’ at?” Mal questions angrily.

“I don’t want her.” Jayne replies. “You’re the captain, drop her and that brother off somewhere.”

“First off, it won’t change nothin’.” Mal says. “Second, she’s got a name.”

“So does this.” Jayne replies, looking down at the gun again. “I call it Vera.”

“Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.” Mal mutters. “Jayne, I got problems of my own to deal with, I don’t need you tryin’ to push yours off on me. Wave your brother and get this marriage ended.”

Jayne glares at him.

“Just the men I was looking for.” Book says as he walks up behind them. He glances at the gun in Jayne’s hand with a raised eyebrow. “No problems, I hope?”

“Jayne’s just showin’ me his very favorite gun.” Mal replies. “Did you need somethin’?”

“A clergyman from Triumph waved me.” Book says. “The pastor has fallen ill but will wave as soon as he’s able.”

“Good.” Mal replies. “Now, if Jayne’ll get up the courage to wave home, this boat can get back to normal.”

“Yes.” Book agrees. He waits until both men are starting to walk away before speaking again. “If either of you takes sexual advantage of those two young ladies, you’re going to burn in a special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.”

“What!” Mal screeches. “I am not….preacher you got a smutty mind.”

Jayne laughs. “That’ll work better on a man who don’t already know he’s goin’ to hell.” Jayne explains when both men look at him. “Preacher, I went to church every Sunday up until I was 18 and left home. There ain’t much bout bible learnin’ I don’t know. I know what I do ain’t kosher ‘courding to the good book.”

“Jayne, I gotta say it makes me all kinds of uncomfortable to hear you talkin’ bout the bible and such all understanding like.” Mal says. “How is it that you’ve been on this boat for over a year without any of us knowin’ you were a religious man?”

“Never said I was.” Jayne replies. “I may’ve went to church and all but that don’t mean I’m like Book. I’ve seen too gorram much and done too gorram much to believe most of it.”

Book looks sadly at Jayne while Mal looks at him with complete understanding.

“Remember.” Book cautions as both men are walking away. “The special hell.”


“You want to stow it, preacher?” Mal growls. “We’re in some peril here.”

“If she can fly this thing why just take the shuttle?” Zoe comments.

“Maybe she likes shuttles.” Wash points out. Everyone turns to look at him. “Some people juggle geese.”

“It wasn’t about the ship.” River whispers. “It was about the game. Playing with emotions, making people feel what she wants. If she only wanted the ship, she would have just killed us all. She wanted to play with you, twirl you around and around till everything that's up should be down.”

“You knew?” Mal questions quietly.

“I said she was a thief but you didn’t listen.” River replies.

Jayne throws open the bridge door and the crew gathers to inspect the damage she did.

“Yeah, yeah.” Wash agrees. “We are so hung.”

“I’m glad you two are having a good time under there.” Mal says sarcastically. “Can we progress to the makin’ it right?”

“That’s not gonna happen for a good, long while cap’n.” Wash replies.

“Well, we don’t have a good long while.” Mal says. “We could be headin’ straight into a nice, big solid moon, for all we know. So, how’s about we get to work?”

“Hey.” Kaylee growls. “It was your big make-out session that got into us, sir.”

“I was poisoned.” Mal protests loudly.

“You were drugged.” Inara sneers.

“That’s why I never kiss ‘em on the mouth.” Jayne comments.

Everybody turns to stare at him. River smacks him in the stomach.

“Gorramit.” Jayne yells.

“It’s not nice to assume that every woman is going to use a narcotic compound over her lips to drug you.” River says. “Since it would be so much easier to hit you over the head.”

Jayne glares at her.

River glares back.

“Let’s get back to what you can do.” Mal says, looking over at Wash and Kaylee.

“Give us some time, we can get the cortex and nav comm back online.” Wash replies. “At least see where we’re headed.”

“What about steering?” Mal questions.

“What about stopping?” Inara replies.

“She humped us hard.” Wash answers. “We’re gonna have to do a lot…”

“Well, do it.” Mal orders. “Doesn’t help me to see where we’re going if I can’t change course.”

“This girl really knows her ships.” Kaylee says.

“That’s not all she knows.” Inara replies. “She’s well schooled.”

“What do you mean?” Simon questions. “The sedative? The ‘good-night kiss’?”

“Well, I only hit my head, but Mal went through that.” Inara replies. “But, no….I mean seduction. Body language, signals. She’s had training. As in companion. As in academy.”

“Our little Saffron’s quite a wonder.” Book comments. “I’m beginning to think she married beneath her.”

“She’s not the only one.” Simon mutters, glaring at Jayne.

Mal glares at Book. “How do you know, about the training?”

“She tried to seduce me too.” Inara replies.

“Really, did she….did you…?” Mal asks with wide eyes.

“You don’t play a player.” Inara replies. “It was sloppy of her to try but I think she was in a rush.”

“Yeah, but she was a professional..” Mal protests. “So in my case, it was really….You woulda kissed her too.”

“Wash didn’t.” Zoe points out.

“But she was naked.” Mal says. “And all…articulate.”

“On the night of their betrothal, the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow.” River whispers. “He shall work into her again and again, til she brings him to his full and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.”

“Whoa.” Wash mutters.

“Good bible.” Jayne mutters.

“River Michelle Tam.” Simon scolds.

“What?” River replies.

“Just…don’t.” Simon orders.

“Sexual intercourse is a natural biological function.” River says.

“Okay, everybody not talking about sex, in here.” Wash orders. “Everybody else, elsewhere.”

Everybody files out, leaving Wash and Kaylee alone.

“Nother fun filled day on Serenity.” Kaylee comments.

“Yep.” Wash agrees. “Seems we can’t make a stop without chaos climbing on board.”


“One day you’re going to tell us how a preacher knows so damn much about crime.” Jayne tells Book.

“And one day you’re going to have to tell us how a preacher’s brother becomes a mercenary.” Book replies.

“Kaylee.” Mal says, looking between the two men.

“I’m trying, sir.” Kaylee replies.

“Keep on it.” Mal orders. “We can’t fall into that net. Mean time, we’re gonna need a plan B.”

“Zoe, get a suit prepped.” Mal orders, hitting the comm into the bay. “Wash, I figure we got one shot at this, give me a visual as soon as we’re close.”

“It won’t be long.” Wash replies.

“What do I do?” Jayne asks.

“Get Vera.” River answers before Mal can.

Jayne spins around to look at her. “How do you know bout her?”

“A girl always scopes out her competition.” River replies. “She’s mad at you. You shouldn’t have tried to give her away.”

“Jayne, just go get Vera.” Mal orders, looking between the newly married couple.

Jayne starts to leave and River follows right behind him.

“River, where do you think you’re goin’?” Mal questions.

“To see the other woman.” River replies. “She is now a part of my life and I must make peace with her. Jayne?”

“What, moonbrain?” Jayne growls.

“Can I hold her?”


Jayne looks up from cleanin’ Vera when he hears River sigh. He glances next to him, where she insisted on sitting despite him telling her to go away, to see her lookin’ up at the walks. He follows her gaze to see Mal comin’ down the walks from Nara’s shuttle.

“What?” Jayne grunts.

“He’s a boob.” River comments. “And his brain doesn’t connect the dots very well.”

Jayne laughs. “Don’t think he’d like you sayin’ that.”

“You’re right.” River agrees. She looks over at the gun cradled caringly in his lap. “She likes me better.”

“No she don’t.” Jayne growls. “She’s mine.”

“As a married couple, I am entitled to 50 percent of your belongings.” River replies.

“Don’t even go thinkin’ that.” Jayne growls. “All I really got anyways is a bunch of guns, dirty pictures, clothes, cigars and some booze. And that rain stick. Ain’t nothin’ a little girl like you needs.”

River pinches him.

“Gorramit.” Jayne growls. “Why for are you always hurtin’ me?”

“Words don’t bother you.” River replies. “I could scold you on your behavior but it wouldn’t do any good. Physical punishment is the only method that will have any affect. And I am not a little girl; I am an adult.”

Jayne rolls his eyes but catches her hand before she can pinch him again. “I get it.” Jayne growls. “You ain’t a little girl.”

“Very good.” River replies, patting his hand with hers. “I shall go make you some cookies.”

Jayne looks over at her. “We ain’t got the stuff to make cookies.” Jayne points out. “Sides, thought you done said wives weren’t servants or some go-se like that.”

“I did.” River replies. “But would enjoy the challenge of making something edible out of the ingredients we have.” She stands up, twirls around, and drops a kiss on Jayne’s forehead before he can form a protest. Then she’s gone and he’s left staring at the empty place from where she was.

“Jayne, you gotta wave your brother and get this marriage ended fore it goes to far.” Mal orders. “She ain’t all there and last think she needs is to think she’s in love with you cause we all know it won’t be returned.”

“I’ve done said he ain’t gonna do it but I guess you gotta hear it from him to believe me.” Jayne replies.

“Where you from anyways?” Mal questions.

“Kerry.” Jayne answers. “It’s a small moon off Santo.”

“I know where it is.” Mal replies. “Been there a time or two. Where bouts are you from?”

“Fairview.” Jayne grunts. “Bout the only town on Kerry with any amount of technology and people.”

“Been there.” Mal says. “Can’t agree more.”

The two men walk in silence to the bridge, neither wanting to discuss what is going on.

“Don’t you two got a bunk?” Mal yells upon seeing Zoe and Wash making out in the pilot’s chair.

“Yeah, but I also got a job.” Wash replies. “And I’m doing it now.”

“Sure looks like it.” Jayne mutters.

“You’re both just jealous cause you don’t get to kiss on your wives.” Wash replies.

They both glare at him.

“Sir, what are you going to do about the wife thing?” Zoe questions.

“I talked to ‘Saffron’s’ pastor.” Book says, walking onto the bridge. “It turns out she had been living there for a few months and did attend church so technically, we were able to have your marriage ended.”

“That’s just bout the shiniest thing I’ve heard all day.” Mal says with a grin.

“What’s shiny?” Kaylee asks as her and Inara walk onto the bridge, Simon following behind them.

“I am no longer a married man.” Mal answers. “And Jayne’s bout to wave his brother and soon he won’t be one either.”

“Not going to work.” River singsongs from behind Mal.

“Gorramit, don’t do that.” Mal yells, spinning around to glare at the genius. She just looks up at him with a smile and holds out the plate in her hand.

“Cookie?” River asks.

Mal looks down at the platter of round, cookie looking objects and takes one with a worried-looking expression.

River moves gracefully around the room, handing out the cookies. She reaches Simon lasts and he takes it with a raised eyebrow. “You’ve never cooked before.” Simon says to River.

“I know.” River agrees. “It was fun though.”

Simon looks at his sister, at the ‘cookie’ in his hand, and at the rest of the crew. Seeing that nobody is going to eat it first, he cautiously takes a small bite out of the treat. “Whoa, peanut butter.” Simon exclaims a few seconds later. “We have peanut butter?”

“They’re peanut butter flavored?” Kaylee asks. She looks down at the cookie in her hand and takes a bit. “They’re good. How’d you make em? Cause I know we ain’t got flour and stuff.”

River just shrugs.

“They ain’t gonna like poison us?” Jayne questions, turning his over in his hand.

River throws a cookie at him, bouncing it off his forehead. “As I stated before, I would not poison you.” River growls. “If I wanted you unconscious, I would hit you over the head with something heavy to induce it.”

“Oh.” Jayne mutters and then eats the cookie in one bite. He then swipes a couple more off the plate in her hand. “These are damn good. What’s in em?”

“You don’t want to know.” River replies.

“Can we get back to the part where my sister is no longer going to be married to him?” Simon asks.

“Just gotta wave his brother.” Mal replies. “Wonder what time it is there?”

“Sunday at 3:30pm.” River answers.

“That means David’ll be gettin’ ready for the night service.” Jayne comments. “He should be at the church.” He then proceeds to give Wash the coordinates of his brother’s church.

“Ring him up, Wash.” Mal orders.

“Can do.” Wash replies, his hand flying over the cortex screen. After a few minutes, a deep, polite voice comes over the comm.

“Can I help you?” David Cobb asks.

“Dave, it’s me.” Jayne replies.

“Jayne?” David gasps. “I haven’t heard from you in months, how’s it going?”

“Fine.” Jayne answers. “Except for a slight problem I’m havin’ and could use your help on. Would ‘preciate it if’n you don’t say nothin’ to ma.”

David glances to the side for a second before looking back at the screen. “Go on.”

“Seems last planet we stopped on, I may have had a bit too much to drink and may have gotten hitched to a passenger of ours.” Jayne replies. “Now, in order to get divorced, her preacher’s gotta get dispensation from mine. So, you wanna help him dissolve this mistake marriage of mine?”

David flinches and a few seconds later, a short, plump woman in her early 50’s is yelling at Jayne. Jayne leans back and looks over at Mal with an I-told-you-so look.

“And I don’t care if’n you didn’t mean to.” Sandy Cobb yells. “Point is you’re a married man and you’re stayin’ that way. If’n I even hear rumors bout you tryin’ to get a divorce another way, I’ll be on the first transport out and huntin’ you down.” She waves an angry finger at Jayne and walks away.

“I’m guessing my answer is no.” David tells Jayne with a small smile.

“You couldn’ta told me she was there?” Jayne growls.

“I tried, little brother.” David replies. “I did the side glance but I guess you’ve been gone too long to remember it.”

“I ruttin’ forgot bout that.” Jayne mutters. “Do me a favor and try to explain ma that it ain’t a real marriage and we can’t stay married.”

“I could talk to her but we both know she’s not going to change her mind.” David replies.

“Couldn’t you just do it without telling her?” Simon questions, moving next to Jayne.

“Who’s he?” David asks.

“My new wife’s brother.” Jayne answers.

“Let me say this once; you don’t try and pull a trick like that over Sandy Cobb.” David explains. “Unlike Jayne, I have to live on the same moon with her. The only way this divorce is going to happen is if she approves and she’s not going to.”

“She don’t believe in divorce.” Jayne explains.

“Jayne, this may not be what you were looking for.” David replies. “But some of the best things in life are unexpected.”

Jayne rolls his eyes. “Don’t need preached to.” Jayne growls.

“It’s my job.” David replies. “I’ll wave you in a few weeks and let you know how it’s going.”

“Thanks.” Jayne says. “See ya.”

“See you too.” David replies. “Say hello to my new sister for me.”

Jayne slams his hand down, ending the transmission. “Told you it weren’t gonna happen.” Jayne says, looking at Mal and Simon. “She’s all about livin’ up to the mistakes you make.”

“Your brother said he’d work on her.” Mal replies. “Till then, nothing’s changed. You might be married but it don’t make her your wife. She’s still the doc’s little sister, dong ma?”

“You’re a boob.” River growls, looking at Mal. “And I don’t need your permission to be his wife. If I want to consummate our marriage, I will; and I don’t need your permission to do so.” She gives Mal and Simon an evil look before storming out of the bridge.

“She sure told you.” Kaylee says with a smile.

“Guess she did.” Mal mutters. “Doc, since when did your sister get so mouthy?”

“Since she married him.” Simon replies, pointing over Jayne.

“I didn’t do nothin’.” Jayne defends. “She’s always been a mouthy thing, since she came on this boat. You’re both just pissed that she’s just doin’ it to you two and not just me.”

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