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Car Shopping

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This story is No. 5 in the series "Oh, The Places He Goes!". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Xander helps a Slayerette find a car.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Movies > Herbie/The Love BugphoukaFR712,03273013,13018 Feb 0618 Feb 06Yes
Disclaimer: Xander, Violet, Giles, and all other characters, setting, and minutiae are property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox. Herbie the Love Bug and all its characters, setting, and minutiae are property of their creator, production company, and distributor. No infringement is intended. No profit will be made.

Car Shopping

Xander looked up and down the junk yard as he walked along with Violet.

“I can’t believe you asked me to do this.”

Violet looked up. “Giles’s orders. Besides I don’t know anything
about cars.”

“Still, I get a call saying I have to be in San Diego Saturday morning
to help out a Slayer on a pressing issue. I thought there would be
some demon fighting involved here. Can’t you buy a car on your own?”
Xander asked.

Violet shrugged. “Probably. But after the fiasco with Chao Ahn and
Faith, Giles says all vehicle purchases have to be approved by a

“What happened with them anyway?”

“Apparently they found ‘57 Plymouth Fury in cherry condition. Some old
man sold it to them for just a couple of hundred dollars.”

“Which should have set off some warning bells.” Xander commented.

“They just thought the old guy was senile. Anyways for the first few
days, everything’s fine. Then weird things started happening around


“Yeah, they nicknamed the car.” Violet continued. “Anyway, Robin was
checking the oil, when he got hurt. Robin said the car attacked him.
The girls thought he slipped and fell then made up a story to cover his

“Cause Robin does that all the time. Notorious for it. Still no
warning bells go off?”

“Nope. Then a few days later, Chao Ahn is about to go on a date, and
as her date walks up to the front door, the car runs him over.”

“Jesus. Was he okay?”

“A few broken bones. But Chao Ahn vowed to stay by his side and nurse
him back to health, so he came out pretty well. Anyway, at first Chao
Ahn thinks Faith was driving.”

“Except Faith doesn’t attack innocent bystanders… recently that is.”

Violet nodded. “Yeah. So Robin does some digging and finds that there
have been dozens of mysterious deaths around this car dating back to
when it was first sold.”

“That’s why it’s so important to get a car history. Has it been in an
accident? Does it breakdown? Is it a malevolent force that goes on
murderous rampages? You need to find these things out before you make a purchase.”

Violet smiled. “So they find out the car is evil, it tries to kill
them, several hours later they manage to crush the car down to a cube then melt the cube down into slag.”

“All in all, a slow night. What’d they do with the slag?”

“Giles made a few calls, and it got shipped to an abandoned mine site,
dropped down a shaft, and buried under tons of rock.” Violet answered.

Xander nodded. “Nice. Good to see Giles is taking these things

“Yeah. He sent out a memo. Every time we come across some artifact or
weapon that shouldn’t fall into the wrong hands, Giles can send it to
the ends of the Earth. But the end result of the story is I have to
have a babysitter to go car shopping. That one looks neat.” Violet
pointed to an older model.

Xander glanced at it. “It’s an Edsel.”

“And that means?”

“You don‘t want it. Trust me.”

“Why can’t I get a new car? You got one.” Violet complained.

Xander sighed. “Finances are tight. I got a new car, because I found
some high priced items Giles was able to sell. I also have to travel
across the country. So I get a new car. You are staying in one
location and haven’t pitched into the pot, so you get to trawl the junkyards. So quit your whining. How about that one?”

Violet looked over. “It’s ugly.”

“It’s a pickup. They’re not meant to be stylish.”

“If I have to drive it, then I want a cute car.”

Xander shook his head. “Considering it will be used in Slaying
activities and emergencies, cute is not a high priority.”

“Let’s keep looking.”

Xander and Violet turned and headed down the next row of cars.

“So what’s the Slaying situation like round here?” Xander asked.

“Pretty slow. My computer is set up to hack into the city coroner
files, so I get a heads up for any potential vampires rising. I hooked up with a local Wicca coven. They’ve set up wards on the city limits that alert us whenever a demon crosses into town.” Violet explained.

“Anything come up recently?”

“A tribe of Pargo demons came into town a few days ago. The coven is
trying to track them. In the meantime, I wait around. Oh, that is the
cutest car. Can we get it? Please?”

Xander looked over to the car Violet wanted.

“Let’s take a look. The model is pretty reliable. Cheap to maintain
too. Giles will like that. I’ll poke around see what shape it’s in.”

Xander walked up the car, opened the door, reached in and popped the
hood. Xander walked to the back of the car, pulled the hood up and
looked around the engine.

“I’m not really familiar with layout of this car. The whole engine in
the back kinda throws me.”

Violet continued to ooh and ahh over the car. “It’s so precious.
Look, it’s got numbers on the door. It must have been a racing car.”

Xander looked up from his poking. “Violet, it’s a VW Beetle. It
probably couldn’t win a go cart race. Now -OWW!”

Violet looked up. “What?”

Xander blew on his fingers. “The hood came down. It smashed my
fingers. Stupid piece of junk.”

“How’s it look.”

“Okay. No corrosion. All the lines looked solid, no suspicious leaks.
We can get the keys from the lot attendant. First we’ll check out the

Xander opened the door and looked inside.

“Does it have a CD player?”

Xander looked up. “You can get one installed. Let’s just…. Vi?”


“Are Pargo demons red with lots of teeth?”

“Dunno? Why?”

“Cause there’s six of them coming this way.”

Violet looked up. “Crap. I don’t have any weapons.”

Xander glanced around. “Maybe they haven’t seen us -”

A howl arose from the lead demon. It pointed at Xander and Violet, and
the pack charged.

“Get in the car! I’ll hotwire it.” Xander ordered.

Violet jumped in.

Xander fumbled around the steering column, when the engine started.
The gear shift moved into first as the engine revved. Xander looked down as the car shifted gears by itself.


Violet jumped out just as the clutch popped up and the car rocketed
down the row. Xander grappled with the door latch, but couldn’t open it.
He glanced up and saw the rapidly approaching demons.

“LET ME OUT!” he yelled.

The demons stopped running as they saw the car approaching, turned,
then ran away from the car. The car ran over the two demons in the middle of the row.

“STOP!!!” Xander yelled. The car skidded to a halt. Xander finally
worked the door open. He looked out at the four remaining demons
running towards him. Xander jumped back into the car and slammed the door shut. “GO!!!”

The car sped away down another row with the demons in pursuit.

Cornered at another turn, then again. Xander had lost track of where
in the junkyard they were. The car slowed down, then came to a halt.
Xander opened the door as quietly as he could and stepped out. On both
sides were a series of stacks of old cars. Xander crept up to one side
and listened intently. He heard some kind of clicking and screeching
sounds on the other side.

Xander looked around for some kind of lever, then turned to the car.

“Um, Mr. Car? Could you give me a hand? Sorry about the piece of junk

The car sidled up to the stack Xander was standing by. Its bumper
came to the stack, and the engine began to rev up. Xander put his back to the Stack and pushed with all his strength. After a few seconds, the stack began to tilt over. Xander and the car pushed harder as the stack slowly toppled over. Xander leapt back and the car quickly reversed away from the falling mass.

Xander heard the loud crash. He crept up to the toppled mass and saw
the legs of three demons sticking out from under the wrecked cars.

“Got ‘em. All right, little guy. We totally rock. High five!”

Xander held up his hand. The car’s front hood pooped up and clapped
Xander’s palm.

“Now we just have to catch up with Violet, then… aw crap.”

Xander stared as the final surviving demon scrabbled over the wrecked
cars, baring its teeth. Xander dove back into the car, then it pin
wheeled around and spun off away from the last demon.

Xander glanced back as the Pargo demon fell away into the distance. He
looked back and say the car heading for the gate to the junkyard.

“All right. Get us to my car and I’ll grab some weapons then we can -”

The car slammed to a halt a few feet short of the gate, throwing Xander
up against the windshield. Xander shook his head, then looked out to
see what the car stopped for. Xander looked down and spotted the
animals crossing before the gate.

“Oh, you gotta be kidding me!” Xander looked around and saw the
enraged demon closing in.

Xander jumped out of the car and looked around. He spotted a crowbar
lying on the ground a few feet away. He dove for the it, just as
the demon arrived and swiped at Xander with its claws. Xander grabbed
the crowbar and swung back at the demon. Xander and the demon slowly
circled each other warily. Every few seconds, the demon took a swipe at Xander that he would dodge. Xander glanced just behind the demon and nodded. He came up swinging, forcing the demon back. As the demon
stepped back, its legs back into the front bumper of the car, and fell into the open trunk. The trunk hood slammed down violently. Xander watched as the front of the car rocked up and down as muffled shrieks came from the trunk. After a few seconds the noises and rocking died down.

Xander cautiously inched toward the car.

“Um, car? You okay?”

Xander peered at the car. Did its headlight just wind at me?

The front hood pooped up a few inches, and Xander swore he heard a deep
belch come from the Volkswagon.


Xander turned around and saw Violet running towards him. She ran up
and grabbed Xander’s arm.

“Quick, before it attacks! Saw it moving on its own! Let’s get out
of here!”

Xander shook his head. “It’s not evil. It took out the demons, but
hasn’t hurt anything innocent.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. It stopped at the gate because…” Xander trailed off, not
wanting to actually say what happened.

“What?” Violet asked.

“Because there were some baby ducks crossing, and it didn’t want to run
them over.”

“Oh, you made sure the baby ducks were safe. How sweet.” Violet
gently patted the VW’s hood. The car’s engine purred contently. “Can I keep him? Please, Xander?”

Xander sighed. He made his way around to the door. He peeked in. The
glove compartment popped open, and an envelope fell out. Xander picked
up the envelope, opened it, and read the short letter inside. He knelt
down to the front of the car.

“This letter real?”


“You’re not evil, are you?”


“You promise to look after her, watch her back, and make sure she gets
through any fight?”


Xander stood up and handed the letter to Violet.

“Looks like you got yourself a car.”

Violet grinned and hugged Xander.

“Thank you!” She turned to the car. “I’m am going to get you waxed
every weekend, and make sure you only get the highest grade gasoline. We are going to have so much fun! Oh, you need a name. What shall we
call you?”

“It’s written on the letter.” Xander said.

Violet looked down and scanned the letter. She looked back at the car.
“Herbie. It suits you.”

The End

You have reached the end of "Car Shopping". This story is complete.

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