The Demon and Dawn.
“The Demon and Dawn.”
By Dave Turner.
Disclaimer: I do not own BtVS or this old Music Hall Monologue. I write these stories for fun not profit.
Crossover: BtVS with the Music Hall Monologue ‘The Lion and Albert’.
Spelling and Grammar: Written in glorious English-English!
Timeline: There’s a timeline?
Warnings: Some of you might find this funny. Also character death.
Summary: Did they have to go to the Zoo on a Tuesday?
Note: Imagine Dawn as being about ten, and read the story in a north English accent if you can.
The Demon and Dawn.
There's a famous seaside place called Sunnydale.
That's noted for fresh-air and glee!
Where Buffy and Mr Giles
Went with Dawn their inter-dimensional key.
A grand little lass was young Dawnie,
All dressed in her best quite a swell,
With a stake with an horses head handle,
The finest that Walmart could sell.
They didn't think much to the ocean,
The waves were all 'spiddlin' and small,
There were no wrecks, and nobody drownded,
Fact nothing to laugh at all!
So seeking for further amusement,
They paid and went into the zoo,
Where they'd Demons and Hell-Gods and Vampires,
An’ old milkshakes and cheese burgers too.
There were one great big Demon called Wallace,
His nose were all covered with scars,
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.
Now Dawn had heard about Demons,
How they were ferocious and wild,
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well it didn't seem right to the child.
So straight way the brave little girlie,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took her stake with its horses head handle,
And pushed it in Wallace's ear!
You could see that the Demon didn't like it,
By giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Dawn inside the cage with him,
And swallowed the little lass whole!
Then Giles who had seen the occurrence,
And didn't know what to do next,
Said, “Buffy! Yon Demon's ate Dawnie!"
And Buffy said, "Well I am vexed!"
Then Buffy and Mr Giles,
Quite rightly when all's said and free,
Complained to the Demon keeper,
That the Demon had eaten their key!
The keeper were quite nice about it.
He said, "What a nasty mishap."
"Are you sure that it’s your girl he's eaten?"
Giles said, "Am I sure? There's her hat."
The manager had to be sent for,
He came and he said, "What’s to do!"
Giles said, "Yon Demon's ate Dawnie!"
"And her in her Sunday best too."
Then Buffy said, "Right's right young fella."
"I think it’s a shame and a sin."
"For a Demon to go and eat Dawnie."
"And after we'd paid to come in."
The manager wanted no trouble,
He took out his purse right away,
Saying, "How much to settle the matter?"
And Giles said, "What do you usually pay?"
But Buffy had turned a bit awkward,
When she thought where her Dawnie had gone,
She said, "No! Someone's got to be summonsed!”
So that was decided upon.
Then off they went to the Police Station,
In front of the magistrate chap,
They told him what happened to Dawnie,
And proved it by showing her hat.
The magistrate gave his opinion,
"That no one was really to blame."
And he said, "That he hoped that Buffy Summers."
"Would have further Keys to her name."
At that Buffy got proper blazing,
"And thank you sir kindly." said she,
"What waste all my life raising sisters?"
"To feed ruddy Demons. Not me!"