Title: Help you, I will too
Author: Angel Jade
Content: Slash, language
Spoilers: Season 1 Ats
Description: Lindsey meets a childhood hero
Setting: After the first three. But technically just after Blind date.
Distribution: Ask first please.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything you read. I am also not Joss. Despite the many rumours.
Dedication: George Lucas...who else could use hotties like Ewan McGregor, Harrison Ford and Hayden Christensen (among others *eg*) and make the story interesting? And plus...for Yoda...the Don of good advice. And a lightsaber. Luke eat your heart out.
Lindsey remembered Angel vividly telling him to dream of Yoda when they'd confronted each other during the little...project that had been ruined by the souled vampire.
He'd thought it strange at the time, but had dismissed it as lunacy.
Of course, now he stood staring at the little green guy, he was inclined to believe there was more there than a random phrase.
"Welcome you are." Yoda said, sitting next to his little cooking pot.
Lindsey cowered in the small hut, watching Yoda with amusement. "How'd he pull it off?"
"Angel...how'd he set this up? I didn't think he'd even know who Yoda was." Lindsey said, snidely.
"Set it up he has, you are here on his invitation." Yoda explained. "Here to help you I am."
"I see. Help me? You want to turn me back to the light side?" Lindsey asked. "Tried it. I'm happy where I am right now."
"Here for training you are not. For guidance to the one you want, you are." Yoda corrected.
"Angel!" Lindsey yelled. "This isn't funny, now come out and stop messing around."
"Who do you talk to?" Yoda asked.
"Angel...the one who set this all up to humiliate me." Lindsey explained.
"Humiliation is not his desire. His desire, you are." Yoda said.
"Funny, really." Lindsey said sarcastically.
"Came to me he did, to get the courage to tell you. Helped him I did, but now it is you who needs help." Yoda told Lindsey. "You have feelings for him, hmmm?"
Lindsey laughed. "Angel? Yeah! I hate him."
"No...hate you do not. Went to him you did, to seek redemption." Yoda said. "The dark side dominates your life because you want help. His help you asked for, but his pride did not allow him to do so."
"Yeah...so what? I got a promotion, I'm glad he didn't try and help me. I'm staying at Wolfram and Hart." Lindsey said, cockily.
"No, angry you are that he did not help you more than he did. Wish maybe that he had done more for you. But he cannot. Make the first step, you must." Yoda instructed.
"I did. I went to him. I asked for help. Everyone knows that's the first step." Lindsey said.
"No, first step is wanting to change." Yoda argued.
"No, it's not." Lindsey replied calmly.
"It is! Always right, I am." Yoda shouted.
Lindsey laughed. "Uh-oh...Yoda lost his temper. Bad Jedi!"
"See why he finds it so difficult, I do." Yoda muttered. "Stubborn you are. Perhaps in need of persuasion."
"Go on then, persuade me." Lindsey said, leaning back against the fragile wall.
Yoda closed his eyes and focused carefully.
Lindsey was about to make a snide comment when he saw Angel talking to Yoda in the jungle outside. So real he could just reach out of touch them, and yet he knew this was just an illusion. Silently, he watched.
//"I shouldn't feel this way."
"His enemy you are, as he is yours." Yoda nodded.
"If we...if he felt the same way...which side would we end up on? I can't lose my redemption. He's on *their* side."
"But lose it you would, for him?"
Angel paused. "I don't know...is there a reason I'm talking to you about my love life?"//
Lindsey's eyes darted around as the vision disappeared and he was back in Yoda's hut, the foul smell of Yoda's dinner filled his nose once again. "What was that?"
"The past. His dream it was." Yoda explained, tasting the food.
"He was talking about me?" Lindsey asked softly, before shaking his head. "This is insane. I'm sitting here talking about the guy I hate with fucking Yoda!"
"Hate him you do not." Yoda said obstinately.
"I do! He abandoned me. I asked for his help and the only reason he helped me was because he wanted to save the kids. To get back at Wolfram and Hart. Any and every reason except the one I wanted."
"Your fault it is too. One must stop the fighting. Why not you?" Yoda asked him, offering the spoon for tasting.
"Oh no! I've seen Empire, I'm not tasting that stuff." Lindsey said, backing away.
Yoda shrugged and went back to his dinner.
"Listen, Yoda, as insane as this is, I'm starting to think this is no joke. That vision thing you did...do it again. I want to know everything he said." Lindsey begged.
"Said nothing different to what you heard." Yoda explained. "You know he hides his feelings. He has told me. Now you must if you are ever to move on."
"Move on?" Lindsey asked, his voice full with paranoia. "I thought you were trying to get us together."
"Do not want to, you do. Will help you move on if you don't want him." Yoda said.
"No! I didn't say I didn't want to...you know...get with him or whatever. I'm just saying, we can't work. Us...and how did you do that? Sneaky little bastard! Oh you're good. Wolfram and Hart need you on their side." Lindsey joked.
"Admitted you have, you want him." Yoda said, hiding a smile. "Now stop this pride, you both must."
"If I back down...what if he doesn't want me? I'm wide open for attack then. I can't risk that."
"Risk it you must or no where will you go." Yoda said. "Go to him you must, and tell him of this meeting. He has been advised to make the first move. But when he makes it, take it you must. Fighting will only drive him away. Your choice it is."
Lindsey looked nervously at Yoda. "Okay...so this means I have to quit again, doesn't it?"
"From your job, yes. Were willing to join him before you were, but were pushed away. Try again you must. Let his redemption fuel your own."
Lindsey looked at his feet. "You know, I always thought it was crazy, that I looked up to the wrong idols. I was always the good guy in make believe games, when I grew up. And now look at me, how can I say my favourite characters are the good guys when my entire existence is a contradiction to their purpose?"
Yoda cocked his head. "Discuss this with another you must. My job is done."
"Oh thanks." Lindsey said, flatly. "Lemme guess, you're just the love guide. Who does the life advise? The wookie?"
"Go now you must. You know what must be done. Be strong you must, and let your pride go."
"Let pride go. Check." Lindsey smiled. "Thanks Yoda."
Yoda nodded, as Lindsey crawled out of the hut, muttering to himself. "I did *not* just thank Yoda for love advice."
I walk in there, knowing he'll be down below, hiding from the sun. I watched his two friends leave the office earlier. Now's my chance to do it. Down the stairs and wondering around, I can't help but feel my heart trying to pound it's way out of my chest.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, his voice same as always...cold.
I swallow nervously as I turn around and see him standing there. I know what I have to say, but how to explain it. I can't get words out and his patience is wearing thin.
Then his face softens, as if he can see why I'm here and has been expecting my visit.
"You have something to say?" He asks, sounding a little less angry, and dare I say...nervous?
"Just...thanks. For the dream. Was fun." I say...dammit, that didn't sound stupid at all, did it?
He smiles. Yes, Angel actually smiles. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."
I breathe a sigh of relief. All doubt that it was my insanity and not a present from him have gone from my mind. "I learnt some things."
"I think we both did." Angel says, relaxing slightly and taking a seat.
I stand awkwardly. Think Lindsey, think...say something.
"You don't have to say anything. I know why you're here." He says.
Cold panic as I realise this could be a set up. He's going to laugh at me I know it.
"You are here for that reason, aren't you?" He asks, suddenly.
Guess I'm not the only paranoid one. So I nod.
"This is wrong on every level and I think you know that. And if you do want what he...said you wanted, then changes need to be made."
"I'll leave." I say simply. "For good this time. You know the only reason I went back was..."
"I know." He says, regretfully. "I wasn't exactly helpful, but you make things so difficult."
"Me? I'm not the one who..."
"Okay, okay. Stop. Bad habits, huh?" Angel laughs it off.
I smile. "Sorry."
"If you leave it's got to be forever." He says. I can hear the desperation and fear that he might lose me in his voice and I feel like kissing him right there.
"Believe me, if I leave they won't want me back. They'll want me dead...but hey, it's a small price to pay." I grin.
He smiles again. I could get used to this. So used to seeing him angry...or mocking me. Seeing him smile with me for once is a refreshing change.
"Do you want me to go and see them now? Tell them I'm leaving?" I ask.
He looks uncertain. "Actually..." He breaks off nervously.
"Actually?" I asked. "Oh! Already?"
He laughs. "Well, it's been a while and Wesley and I managed to...you know, secure my soul so no more killing people afterwards...but we don't have to."
"Are you kidding? I've waited long enough." I say, pulling my shirt off.
He grins and follows suit.
Amazing how quick things can go once you admit it to yourself.
The shrill ring of the phone wakes me up and I have to push him off me to get to it. He wakes up and follows me in, a big smile on his worn out face.
"Well, did ya do it?" He asks, excitedly.
"I never thought I'd say this but...thanks Spike."
"Yeah! What I tell ya? Guy's a genius." Spike cheers. "So you and 'im done it yet?"
"What do you think?"
"Course you have. Can tell by your voice." Spike says.
"It's that obvious?"
"I know ya, remember? Besides, think we've both got it."
"Spike!" Xander's voice complains.
"Don't worry about Xander, this is on speakerphone. I'm driving right now." Spike said.
I can't help but laugh. "Got your seatbelt on Xander?"
"Hey! I drive well." Spike complains.
"Sure you do, Spike." I say. "So where are you off to at this time at night?"
"On our way to yours, aren't we?" Spike says.
"Well, I figured, now you got yourself a human, and I have...we can hang and ya know...shag." Spike says.
"I am NOT double dating with deadboy." Xander says.
"Spike, you can't come here now. Cordelia won't have forgiven you for the ring incident." I explain.
"Who cares about the bint. Us guys are sticking together. In bed." Spike says.
"You're impossible." I say. "When will you be here?"
"Ten minutes." He says.
"Make it half an hour and I might let you stay." I tell him.
"'Kay, see ya then." Spike cuts the phone off and I turn to Lindsey.
"We have half an hour before we have company. What do you think we could do in that amount of time?"
"More sleep." He says, hopefully.
I'm not too sure, but it's possible I'm pouting at him. I'm such a moron sometimes.
"I was kidding, Angel. Jeez, you looked like a Goddamned puppy when you do that." He says, walking backwards towards the bedroom.
"You sure you wouldn't rather sleep?" I ask him.
"Have plenty of time to do that when company's here. Wanna fuck now." He says, falling onto his back on the bed.
I snort. "Sleep with Spike around? I doubt it."