9 - Brooding
Title: White Knight, White Light, Part 9 – Brooding
Rating: R/NC-17 for violence
Summary: Slash Xander means more to the Scooby`s than they could possible imagine, and when something happens to him, chaos ensues. Crossover with Highlander.
Spoilers: Anything in Ats & BtVS is up for grabs, but I have messed with the timeline a bit. I have tweaked the timeline a bit to suit my own purpose, so there.
Warnings: CHARCTER DEATH and Violence and slash.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Words in Italics
Adam opened the door to the roof and stepped out; he allowed his eyes to adjust to the sunny California sky for a moment before looking around for his quarry. He saw Xander sitting on the ledge, staring out over the city. He wasn’t surprised by the boy’s contemplative pose. He had taken his first head last night and had avoided pretty much everyone but Angel since coming back from the challenge.
“I know you’re there, you might as well come over here and join me.” Xander said.
The ancient immortal went to sit next to his young student.
“So, you decided to take up Angel’s second favorite pastime?” Adam said.
“What do you mean?” Xander asked.
“Angel’s reputation as a brooder precedes him.”
“Oh, I’m not brooding, so much as……brooding.” Xander admitted.
Adam smirked at the boy, but didn’t comment.
They stayed quiet for awhile, looking out at the city and soaking up the sunshine.
“What’s his first favorite pastime?” Xander broke the silence.
“You said brooding was his second favorite pastime, what’s his first?” Xander asked.
“You.” Adam replied with a snicker.
“Huh?” Xander elegantly replied.
“If the past months are any indication, I would say that you are his most favorite thing to do.” Adam moved quickly to avoid the elbow that was aimed at his ribs.
After a few chuckles, they both lapsed back into silence.
“I keep telling myself that at least now Angel and I can be together for a really long time.” Xander said after several minutes.
Adam nodded, not sure how to respond.
“Before, we talked a little about how I would age and die, and he wouldn’t age and would be undead. We agreed that if something happened, he wouldn’t turn me. I didn’t want to be a demon with a soul, I saw how much it tormented him. I also saw how much it hurt him to know that he was going to watch all the people he cared about die. Whether from old age or from the fight, he was going to lose us all.” Xander said.
Again, Adam stayed silent.
“I never wanted to live forever. I never wanted to be the last one left behind when everyone I loved was gone. And now, if I didn’t have Angel and his own immortality to hold on to, I don’t think I could do this.” Xander admitted.
“I spent a many years trying to distance myself from people, from getting to know them and caring about them and their lives, because I knew I would just have to watch them die. This was after my long years as a Death mind you. Then someone got under my skin, wouldn’t let me be until I knew her and she knew me. I married her, watched her grow old and die. And I didn’t regret it, not the death part, but her life, knowing her. Over time I realized that while watching everyone I know and loved die was….difficult, it was those relationships that saved me. I’ve lost countless friends, wives, lovers, and drinking buddies over my existence. But it was the loving them that kept me alive and allowed me to retain my humanity.” Adam said. “This isn’t an existence that we choose, but one that has chosen us. And you have someone to share the future with. It’s more than a lot of us get.”
Xander contemplated what Adam had said. Yes, he would lose his chosen family to the fight, or old age. But maybe later, there would be more family, more friends; they'd never replace the ones he'd lost, but he could love them none the less.
Watching Xander absorb his words, Adam couldn’t help but add, “Just think, you’ll still have Spike.”
Adam didn’t move fast enough to avoid the elbow this time.
After a few minutes of roughhousing, they settled back down to an easy silence.
“I killed a man last night.” Xander whispered.
“If it helps, it does get easier.” Adam said.
Xander stood and turned towards the door leading back downstairs. He stopped and said without looking back, “What if I don’t want it to be easier? What if I never want it to be easy to kill a man in cold blood? What if I never want to watch a man’s head roll off his shoulders and be okay with that?”
Adam again was left speechless. He watched as the young man left the roof and stared at the door long after Xander was gone.I’ve hooked myself up with another boy scout.
Why do I think I’m going to be learning as much, if not more, from this kid as he has learned from me?