But Most of all I wish
Title: But Most of all I wish
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and all related characters are copyright Brad Wright, Jonathan Glassner, Showtime and the SciFi Network. No infringement intended. Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all related characters are copyright Joss Whedon and ME. No infringement intended.
Synopsis: I’ve lost my mind and Daniel makes a wish with some interesting results.
Spoilers: BTVS seasons 1-6, Stargate seasons, 1-the very beginning of 9. If you know who Vala, Cam and the Ori are you will not be spoiled in the least.
Author’s Note: I found myself staring at the computer screen and instead of throwing my Lappy at the wall I brought up a blank Word file and allowed my inner muse to come forth and create ::sigh:: I’m not sure exactly what she created but this plot bunny is mine for better or worse.
I wish I had a coat of silk, the color of the sky.
I wish I had a lady fair, and then a butterfly
I wish I had a house of stone that looked down on the sea
But most of all I wish that I was someone else but me.
Gonzo “The Muppets” by Jim Henson
But Most of all I wish…
Colorado Springs, CO
She awoke slumped over a small table, paper and rocks laying in a half circle of ancient stuff that held absolutely no meaning to Buffy Summers. She blinked in confusion and straightened away from the desk, her lower back protesting after so many hours in an uncomfortable position. An unintelligible mumble had her clearing her throat, with a confused frown at the base undertone to her voice.
She raised a hand to her eyes to rub away the sleep trying to pull her back under and into the welcoming arms of Morpheus. Her hand stilled as she encountered glass blocking her fingertips. With a flick of her wrist she pushed the glasses up on top of her head and blinked as the room blurred around her.
She rose and nearly stumbled as her body rebelled against the sudden movement. Panic tickled the back of her throat as she shoved the glasses back between her eyes and everything else. The room fell into focus.
Her breath took on a strangled hitch and her heartbeat spiked with the sudden realization that she was most definitely not in her bedroom, where she was positive she had gone to bed last night.
She winced, confused, and scanned the room around her, “Where the…” Her voice trailed off as she noticed it was not her own. With hesitation she glanced downward and frowned at the black tee and green fatigues. When had she changed into military regs? Her train of thought derailed as she realized she had seemed to have misplaced her breasts!
“What the hell!?”
She closed her eyes and slowly counted to ten, all the while telling herself it was just a dream. With a deep inhalation she opened her eyes and raised her arm, only to stare at the well-defined but undeniably male appendage. Her head lowered as she took in the fact that she was a well-built male in military issue clothes and she was so not going any further in her exploration.
“Oh God!” This was not happening. This just couldn’t be happening.
Buffy moved back toward the desk and began to flip through the notes and files searching for…Well she wasn’t sure but it beat the hell out of just staring down at her body dumfounded. A growl of frustration fell from her throat and a small smile formed at how cute she sounded, Buffy shook her head. Focus.
Once again her eyes scanned the room and she saw the un-slept in bed with a side table that held a lamp and the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. A telephone. Buffy moved quickly forward and picked up the black plastic receiver and smiled at the uninterrupted dial tone.
There was a God.
The sudden knocking at the door startled her enough to drop the handset and she fumbled to catch it. Buffy dived for the falling phone and her balance rolled. So the once graceful slayer found herself on her ass and staring at the room from a different perspective. With a grumble, she pushed herself up and tried to ignore the incessant knocking that was followed by a cultured feminine voice.
“Daniel.” At least Buffy knew her name now. “Daniel, open the door.” Ignore her, maybe she’ll go away. “Daniel, I know you’re in there or we’d both be feeling rather dead. So open the door.” The last sentence was more growl, than spoken.
Buffy sighed, shoving herself up and moving toward the door that was still knocking. With one last yearning glance at the telephone she opened the door fast enough to cause the woman on the other side to stumble over the threshold. Buffy noticed she was dressed in the same military type clothing as herself and was now currently glaring dangerously at her.
“Can I help you?”
The woman straightened her top and adjusted her pigtails, Buffy raised a brow at the blonde streak running near the front of her black hair, and such pretty hair to have added that punk rocker-ish accent.
Buffy blinked at her words and crossed her arms over her chest. “And I should care because?”
The woman blinked and Buffy winced wondering if this Daniel guy was usually nasty to beautiful women.
Breaking their staring contest she rolled her blue eyes. “Lets go off-world, Katana truly is beautiful and the traders.” Her voice took a decisively whining tone.
Buffy stiffened, focusing on part of her offer. “Off-world?”
The woman ignored her startled gasp. “Come on Daniel. Don’t you ever get tired of being buried in ancient, dusty cultures? Live a little!”
The woman stepped forward and locked arms with her, spinning them both toward the entryway. Buffy found herself being pulled along, still dazed at the fact that the woman had said off-world and that they were in military regs.
She scanned the corridor of perfect angles and armed men. They glanced at them but remained at their post on either side of the small hallway. One of them sent her a smirk at the fact that the stunning woman was on her arm.
Buffy rolled her eyes and extracted herself. “Okay, no.”
She glanced up at the enthused voice and watched an attractive male specimen making his way around one of the prefect angles into her little corner of hell. The man’s amused gaze fell on them and he nodded to the woman pouting beside her, greeting her with far less excitement.
Buffy blinked at the unusual name but tried to school her features into the look of annoyed boredom she usually reserved for Giles’ lectures. Not that Giles ever lectured her anymore, or spoke to her even. Buffy’s eyes clouded with the grief of male abandonment.
Hey, all the cool guys in her life were doing it, Dad, Angel, Riley, Giles, hell even Spike had split after the disaster in the bathroom. Buffy’s head lowered and she wrapped her arms around her waist.
Buffy blinked at Vala’s almost concerned tone and glanced up to the confused look being sent her way by the blue-eyed hottie in front of her.
He frowned. “Landry wants us to meet in the briefing room in 15 to discuss SG-6’s report on the Ori.” SG-whatsit?
Buffy contemplated making a mad dash of the nearest exit…if she had any clue where it was. Instead she offered the other man a feeble smile.
The man arched a brow but spun on his heel and moved to disappear behind the corner leading into the unknown. Buffy felt her arm being linked again and Vala sending her a considering look.
“Well, shall we?” Buffy’s brow drew down and Vala sighed. “Follow Mitchell?”
“Oh…yeah, sure. Of course.” Taking a deep breath she rolled her shoulders back, only barely noticing her chest would have been impressive, if she wasn’t the one wearing it.
Vala felt Daniel’s arm stiffen under her touch but she ignored his prudish attitude and resigned herself to another day of boring Earth. She frowned at the fact that her Daniel seemed out of sorts, as if he were confused by his surroundings. She shrugged and focused her attention on Mitchell’s rather spectacular rear. Perhaps she should place her abundant charms on a more deserving male. Her eyes flicked back to her side, Daniel was once again lost to his own thoughts and ignoring her.
Perhaps he was fine.
The offensive never-ending chirp of an alarm clock interrupted eight wonderful hours of sleep and a delicate arm lashed out from a mountain of covers to slam into the offending instrument. Daniel Jackson winced as his hand went through the clock and collided with the wooden side table beneath. He hadn’t remembered crawling into bed after his discussion with the newest PhD to the halls of Stargate Command.
He blinked and rolled onto his back as his hand came up to absently scratch his chest. Daniel’s brows lowered as his nails scratched his skin and noted that they needed a trim...His thought process stalled as he came in contact with soft tissue that jiggled ever so slightly with each movement of his hand.
He glanced down and blushed, quickly shutting his eyes. His head fell back against a down pillow and he prayed to every deity he knew that when he opened his eyes he would once again be in the SGC, in his own body. After several minutes he opened one eye to an unfamiliar slanted ceiling in striped wallpaper.
Daniel raised his right arm into the morning light streaming in through the blinds and saw a delicate arm. He flexed the hand just to be sure it was his own and noticed the pink nail polish.
He pushed the covers from him and glanced down, once again blushing as he realized he was in the nude. Daniel grabbed the comforter and wrapped it tightly around his chest to drape to the ground as he stood. His brows drew downward as he was forced to tuck the knot he had created between his breasts.
He had breasts.
With the sheet held to him like a shield of armor, he glanced around the room and winced at the vibrancy of the colors around him. The edges of the objects in his gaze were sharp, nearly penetrating in their intensity. He winced as a car alarm sounded from streets over and pierced through his eardrums.
Taking a deep inhalation, he gagged as the wind changed course and the stench of the neighbor’s trash carried though the opened window. Daniel moved swiftly toward it and slammed the glass down, shutting out the smell and muting the car alarm. His gaze swept over the room’s casual messiness and caught sight of a mirror overlooking a small vanity.
Daniel clutched the sheet and moved around a large chest at the end of the small bed and stared into the pretty face that was now his own.
His hand came up to trace the smooth jaw line and he turned his head to the left, then right, hoping to trick his image and have it revert back to his own. It was no use. He was a woman.
Dear God in heaven.
He closed his eyes and allowed his head to fall forward as he tried to work out a solution in his head. The first thing he needed was clothes. Nodding to himself he opened the first drawer on the right and frowned at the contents. A cross stared back at him and several vials of water. Morbid curiosity had him shifting some of the other objects out of the way and seeing several wooden…stakes?
With a definitive shove, he closed that drawer and moved to the one next to it. His eyes relaxed at sight of woman’s underwear and then stiffened as he realized he had to wear them. The linguist hoped Jack didn’t heard of this or he’d never live it down. With a resigned air he began to rummage through the massive pile of cloth. His brows drew down as he continued to search. Did this woman own anything other than little scraps of silk or lace? With a resigned sigh he merely grabbed one of the many and then moved onto the next drawer. Brassieres. Daniel contemplated just walking around in the comforter for the rest of the day.
His shoulders dropped as he simply played eenie-meenie-minie-moe and landed on a black one…at least the thong matched. He shook his head, what the hell was he thinking?
Moving away from the vanity he glared once more at the giver of his humiliation and turned toward the closet. With a mental boost he stepped toward the folding doors and cautiously opened them to reveal clothes in every color of the rainbow. Women.
With the bra and underwear safely tucked under his arm he began to flick through the hangers. Dress…uh, no. Leather…dear God no. Pink…no. His eyes narrowed at the rows and rows of form fitting slacks. Didn’t she own any…Ah ha jeans. He grabbed the first pair and draped them over his shoulder and moved toward the, what he assumed were her tops. With the same motto of comfort as before Daniel settled on a black sleeveless that appeared to be somewhat modest, even if it was form fitting.
Once again he prayed for salvation but divine intervention ignored him and he yielded to the fact that, for the moment, he was a woman. Closing his eyes, he quickly changed into his choices. Feeling more than a little awkward in the tight jeans and bra, not to mention the little bit of silk, Daniel moved back to the closet in search of shoes. Grabbing the most comfortable looking pair and turning back to his humiliation giver for socks, he donned the rest of his attire and moved toward the door.
His hand hesitated over the door handle and he took a deep breath before grasping the cool metal. It turned easily and he opened the door. Or at least that’s what he tried to do. With his nerves as high as they were, he pulled too forcefully and the hinges popped from the wooden frame. Daniel stared wide-eyed at the large rectangle of wood now in his hand and then he frowned at the fact that he held it effortlessly one-handed. Did this woman take steroids?
“Buffy!” Buffy? Please don’t let that be his name.
He stiffened at the shout and propped the door to the side, tucked away from prying eyes as the sound of a stampeding feet bombarded his senses. He winced at the sensory overload and wished for an aspirin.
A pretty brunette who was definitely closer to Cassie’s age than his own rushed up to him, her green eyes sparkling with excitement.
“Buffy,” His shoulders dropped in defeat. His name was Buffy. “Good, you’re finally awake. Janice called.” He blinked. Was he supposed to respond to this? The girl fidgeted in his silence and rushed on. “I know you don’t like her after the whole Halloween fiasco and I don’t blame you.” Halloween fiasco? “I really, really don’t blame you, not even a bit, but you always say we should be understanding and forgiving.” Daniel raised a brow at the girl’s attempt to snow him.
Seeing his less than agreeable face, she sighed. “Well maybe you didn’t teach me it, but I learned it somewhere. Anyway, Janice wants me to come over and her Mom is home this time, I swear. You can call…”
Daniel interrupted her, “Go.” She stumbled to a stop and stared at him, unable to grasp what he had just said. “Go, have fun.” Leave him alone with a chance to figure out what the hell was going on.
Suddenly he was engulfed in the arms of the teenager and she was hugging him fiercely. He frowned into her hair and at the fact that his head barely reached the much younger girl’s shoulder. Great, he was trapped in the body of a midget.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best sister ever.” Ah, at least he wasn’t the teenager’s mother. “I’ll be back home by dinner. Xander said he’d bring pizza over after he got off work.” Xander? Did anyone in this house have a normal name?
The brunette let go of him and offered another hundred-watt smile before she swiftly left his sight and any chance for him to change his mind. The front door slammed closed and he was alone with his thoughts. He needed a phone.
The linguist stiffened and spun to see the newest member of the SGC. “Dr. Emerson?”
Her smile widened, “So, how’s it going?”
Colorado Springs, CO
“Dr. Jackson, are you alright?”
Buffy blinked and winced at the small group of people staring at her. The woman sat to her right and had been swinging her chair from side to side until the General’s question. Now, she and the other guy…was it Mitchell?...were waiting for her answer expectantly.
“Fine, why do you ask?”
The other man frowned at her and she resisted the urge to squirm in her seat. She was almost positive most PhDs wouldn’t do that.
“Well typically, you would have gone into a long and drawn out explanation of what the teams have uncovered by now.”
“I would have?”
“Yes, you’re usually quite dull.”
Buffy blinked and turned to glare at the woman, “Do you ever use the mute button on your mouth?”
Vala arched a brow. “I could ask you the same.”
“Do you know what duct tape is?”
Buffy blinked, that had been a rhetorical question. “Whatever,” She turned back to the men.
Vala stiffened at the flippant comment and her eyes narrowed. She watched as the person next to her scanned the paper in front of them uncomprehendingly. The person beside her had to be Daniel or she would be dead. Or at the very least, violently ill.
Lt Colonel Cameron Mitchell watched as Vala studied Jackson out of the corner of her eye. While he couldn’t say he was friends with the linguist, he could say he’d spent enough time with him to give a reasonable hypothesis that Daniel was acting more than a little strange. His gaze flicked to Landry who was watching the doctor and becoming more agitated by the moment.
Vala interrupted their study with a basic but telling question. “Daniel, what is my full name?” Crap. Buffy stiffened and turned toward her. “Or Mitchell’s first?” Double crap. Vala shifted toward Buffy and her voice lowered into a dangerous purr. “Or better yet, where is my Daniel?” Shit.
Anyanka stood before her newest client and watched the confusion make its way across Buffy’s features. The man currently in control of the slayer’s body was one of the few good ones and Anya was rather pleased with the order of things at the moment.
“Call me Anya.” She offered him a pleased smile that he returned with a frown.
“Uh…Anya…what is going on?”
The vengeance demon inclined her head at the silly question. “I granted your wish.”
“I’m sorry?” Daniel shook his head as if that would wake up him and make everything as it should be.
Anya rolled her eyes and motioned to his current body. “You’re a hero.”
Daniel cleared his throat and ignored the feminine sound, “Did you just call me a hero?”
The vengeance demon nodded vigorously. “You wished it. I granted it.”
The linguist pressed a hand to the bridge of his nose in a motion that mirrored pushing up glasses he no longer needed.
“No, the Patron Saint of Scorned Women.” His mouth dropped open and Anya’s amusement doubled.
“Patron Saint of…” The linguist trailed off and allowed himself a deep breath before he humored the crazy woman. “If you’re the Patron Saint of Scorned Women, then why did you grant my wish?”
“I lost a bet.”
He blinked. “You’re insane.”
Anya’s smile spread as the vein in Buffy’s forehead became visible and gave away Daniel’s frustration.
“This turned out much more interesting than I had hoped.”
“Turned out…” He ran a hand through his hair and growled in frustration as he realized how long it was. “Let’s say I believe you and you granted my wish, which by the way I don’t even remember making…”
“But you did make one. You clearly stated and I quote, ‘I wish I was the hero just once, even if only for a few days.’”
Daniel blinked, the woman in front of him had just perfectly mimicked his own voice back to him. His own voice when he wasn’t a tiny woman, that is.
“O-kay, how’d you do that?” The infuriating woman just smiled. She was as frustrating as Vala. Vala!
“You have to switch us back, Vala…”
“Is perfectly fine because Buffys in your body.”
Anya inclined her neck at his obvious ignorance. “What? You thought your mind was overriding hers?”
“Well, yes.” He had assumed maybe he and the woman had both accidentally touched one of the Ancients’ communication stones. That made so much more sense than Patron Saints and fanatical PhDs.
“What would be the fun in that?”
“Fun?” His voice was meek.
Anya nodded and held out her hand to him. “Lets find out what Buffy’s up to.” Daniel stared at his suspiciously and the demon rolled her eyes. “I could go without you.”
His hand shot out and grasped hers. Anya winced at the force behind his squeeze; the bones in her hand grounded together.
“Hey, watch the grip.”
Colorado Springs CO
Buffy blinked and slowly pushed her chair back from the table and the all-too-knowing brunette.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m Daniel. Daniel is me.” Her hands half-heartedly went to her chest in emphasis.
“You are an imposter.”
“Says the queen of them.”
Vala sent Mitchell a glare and Buffy began to rise from her chair.
“Sit down, Dr. Jackson.” She blinked at the order from the General. “Or whoever you are.”
Buffy stared at the woman beside her. “God bless you?”
Vala glanced at the testosterone across from them watching her in confusion and sighed. “The people Daniel and I inhabited while in the Ori’s home galaxy.” They nodded as if they had already known this but where just testing her. The brunette rolled her eyes and focused her will back on the man staring at her dumbfounded.
Vala raised a brow. “Who are you?”
Buffy swung her chair toward the far corner and stared at her own body looking around amazed and…
Daniel looked back at his own body amazed that his voice could get that deep and stepped forward as who he assumed was Buffy in his own body stood up. He’d never realized how tall he was.
Daniel frowned as he was sidestepped and the person stood in front of the woman that had brought him to the SGC. His arm rolled back and then flew in a straight line into the demon’s face. Anya’s head arched backwards and Daniel stared at himself stunned.
“Wow, you’re kinda violent now, Jackson.”
Daniel glanced at Mitchell who appeared to be taking this all in stride. While the General had risen and was speaking angrily into the phone on the far wall, his face flushed.
“I didn’t know I could hit that hard.”
Anya brought her hands to her nose and glared at the slayer currently trapped in a possibly orgasm-inducing body. Her lips thinned as she popped the cartilage back into place and wiped away the bit of blood that had seeped out.
“When I get my body back, you are dead.”
The demon blinked confused. “But I did this for you!”
“I thought you were granting my wish?” Daniel stopped and shook his head at the absurdity of that question.
Vala raised a brow and tried to keep the surprise from her features as one of the two women who had simply appeared in the room sent the other a suffering look.
“I did, but in doing so, I gave Buffy a much deserved and needed vacation.”
“Vacation! You call switching my body with a guy, a vacation?”
Daniel blinked at her chipper tone and asked slightly offended, “I have no worries?”
Anya turned to him, “I didn’t mean it that way.”
“Then how did you mean it?”
The vengeance demon sighed at the double looks of annoyance. She was saved from answering as several attractive men entered the room, their weapons trained on her and Daniel.
The linguist raised his hands skyward, trying to look small and unthreatening. Being a tiny female did have some advantages as he watched the men remove their fingers from the triggers of their weapons.
“Now will someone please explain to me what the hell is going on?”
Buffy winced at the fact that her current body could be shot full of holes and motioned her hand to Anya.
The General’s eyes narrowed but he turned to the demon. “Dr. Emerson.” Buffy snorted. “Dr. Jackson, would you like to say something?”
Daniel frowned, “Not at this time, no.”
Landry blinked and glanced at the blonde; his head began to hurt. “I’m sorry, Dr. Jackson,” The General turned back to the spectacled male beside him. “Buffy, is it?” She nodded her head and the sharp pain at his temple spread upward. “Buffy, would you like to say something?”
“She’s not a doctor.”
Anya nodded in agreement.
“Then how did you gain access to this base?”
The General mentally stumbled over that word before he echoed, “Magic?”
Buffy closed her eyes and shook her head at the demon’s lack of tact. Anya saw the shake and frowned.
“You’re worse than Cordelia!”
“Excuse me, I gave Xander way more orgasms than...” Buffy’s hand shot out to cover the demon’s mouth.
“Remember the polite conversation topics in front of complete strangers rule.”
Anya yanked Buffy’s hand away easily and rolled her eyes. “I am sure the people in this room have experienced several orgasms.” The demon flicked her gaze to Landry, “Well, maybe not him. He seems to be too tightly wound to be having regular sex…”
“Anya, for the love of God, shut it!” Buffy glanced hesitantly around the room and winced at the anger flushing the General’s face. “I’m sorry?”
Landry’s nostrils flared slightly as he tried to rein in his temper. The twitch in his jaw did not go unnoticed by his men.
“I will ask this one more time. What. Is. Going. On?”
“Dr. Jackson made a wish and I granted it.”
Buffy glanced at the man in her body and hissed out of the side of her mouth, “You said the W word?”
Daniel frowned at the agitated question, “How was I to know she was the Patron Saint of Scorned Women?”
The once little blonde burst into a peel of laughter that had everyone turning toward her. Buffy bent at the waist and rested her hands there as she tried to catch her breath.
“Something you’d like to share with the class?”
Buffy straightened to face the annoyed features of the General and shook her head. Her lips thinned as she struggled to rein in another fit of giggles. The one named Mitchell was currently giving her body a once-over. Or was it Daniel’s body, now? Ugh!
Anya sent her an amused smirk, “See, you’re having fun!”
Buffy glared at the chipper demon. “I have guns pointed at me!”
“But they’re not firing.”
Mitchell snorted and asked Anya, “You’re a, the glass is half full kinda gal, aren’t ya?”
The CO of Stargate Command contemplated just throwing Dr. Jackson, Ms. Summers and apparently not-a-doctor Emerson into the brig and losing the key. Perhaps just shuttling them far, far from him… Instead, he took a deep breath and motioned his men at ease. The formation around the trio relaxed, but remained vigilant of any threat they possessed.
He ignored the voice in his head informing him that he had finally lost his mind if he truly believed this woman had the ability to grant wishes but she had just appeared, without any obvious aid from technology. Perhaps angering a potential ally against the Ori was not in his base’s best interests.
“If I am understanding you correctly Ms. Emerson, you granted Dr. Jackson’s request to be a hero and made it possible for he and Ms. Summers to switch bodies.”
At her enthusiastic nod to the General's question and Mitchell’s raised his brow, “Can I ask why?”
Anya shrugged, “I lost a bet.”
Cameron’s eyes widened and he coughed into his hand as he tried to regain his composure. His blue eyes flicked to his CO and he ducked his head, “Excuse me.”
Vala raised a brow at him but turned back to the woman with amused eyes, “You lost a bet?”
Anya smiled at the thief. “To Hallie, an old friend.”
Buffy’s eyes narrowed at the mentioning of Halfrek, “Hallie? As in the dem…the ho’s beast that decided to ruin Buffy’s birthday fun?”
Daniel frowned at her stumble but remained silent as Anya stepped back from the angry…person. He frowned at the fact that a woman had managed to make his face intimidating as it glowered. Damn. The linguist shifted as he found himself getting a once-over from himself. For once, he wished he had a boring life that didn’t involve being body swapped.
Then he physically winced at his own thoughts. One did not say or think the W-word within the patron’s presence. Perhaps he could simply abolish the word from his substantial vocabulary, all-together. In every language he knew-that might take awhile.
“My God! Did you get me dressed in the dark?”
Daniel stiffened and glared at…himself? With a shake of his head he asked, “What?”
“That shirt and those shoes so don’t go with those jeans. And you’re not even wearing a belt!”
Cam snickered and then ducked his head at his CO’s glare. Landry shook his head and wondered if he had lost his mind when agreeing to General O’Neill’s request.
“Miss…” He trailed off and Mitchell leaned toward him and whispered the young woman wearing Dr. Jackson’s body’s last name. “Miss Summers if you will just sit down, perhaps we can resolve…”
Buffy ignored him as a realization dawned and she narrowed her gaze on Daniel.
“You saw me naked!”
At the startled looks around him, Daniel glared back, “Well some people wear clothes to bed!”
Buffy blushed, “Hey!”
“I kept my eyes closed!”
Vala snickered and leaned into Mitchell, “A likely story.”
Buffy nodded in agreement with the thief, “The first chance I get, I’m so checking out your goods.”
The dark haired woman perked up, “I could help you.”
Anya raised her hand, “Oh, me too!”
It was Daniel’s turn to shout, “Hey!”
Buffy sent him a look that clearly stated she wasn’t sorry in the least about what she said and still planned revenge. The linguist had to get with her and ask how she made him look so intimidating.
“Do you have any idea how uncomfortable being a man is?”
Daniel frowned and answered back without thinking, “Do you have any idea how uncomfortable a thong is?”
At that point, Colonel Mitchell began his imitation of a hyena.
Vala blinked confused, “What is a thong?”
Cam, between hiccups, leaned forward and whispered in her ear. The brunette’s eyes widened considerably as she kept a straight face.
“Oh you poor, poor man.” Her voice cracked at the end as she too fell into hysterical laughter.
Daniel glared and crossed his arms over his chest and then frowned as he realized his new chest got in the way. With a narrowing of his gaze, he dropped the arms to cross around his waist and sighed.
“I’m glad you all find this so amusing.”
Buffy shrugged a casual shoulder at his discomfort, “You’ve just got underwear riding up. I’m stuck in a body that can’t even function properly!”
Daniel glared at her, “Excuse me?”
She lifted his arms in demonstration. “I mean come on. You work out, you’ve got the yummy upper and lower body to prove it. Couldn’t you, ya know, work on your balance or stamina a little?”
Vala and Cam’s laughter had died down to a few snickers, but with Buffy’s last sentence, they roared back to life, causing her to blush.
“I didn’t mean it that way!”
Daniel felt his own blush riding his cheeks and growled out, “My stamina and balance are just fine, thank you.”
Landry’s face flushed with agitation, “That is enough! Dr. Emerson, or whoever the hell you are, switch Dr. Jackson and Miss Summers back immediately.”
Anya had the grace to look sheepish as she whispered, “I can’t.”
Buffy and Daniel stiffened and cried out in unison, “WHAT!?”
The vengeance demon shrugged and met Daniel’s gaze. “You said for a few days. The spell will wear off in 72 hours.”
With those words, Anya vanished to watch the show from a safe distance. Buffy couldn’t kill her in Daniel’s body, but a demon liked to be careful.
Daniel gazed at himself shell-shocked, “72 hours?”
Buffy made an unintelligible mumble and began the painful dismemberment on Anya in her mind.
Vala’s nose wrinkled at the word and glanced to Mitchell, who shrugged in response. The General sat back down, his stance defeated. His face was more perplexed than when Dr. Jackson went on a never-ending ramble about…well, Dr. Jackson tended to ramble about anything, so one could take their pick.
Buffy flicked her gaze to the General with trepidation; her voice was soft and more than a little frightened by the barely contained anger beneath his confused features.
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
Author’s Note: First and foremost thank you for reading this all the way through!!
I have no clue where it came from either but the bunny wouldn’t die so I gave her a cage with some cedar chips and look what happened. Unfortunately she’s also had a baby that’s now hopping around so if you liked it and want to see what could happen in those 72 hours let me know.