Title: Clinic Duty
Challenge #211: 20 Minutes with Andrew
Disclaimer: not my characters, not my universe, no ownership implied. I promise to put everyone back where I found them when I'm done with them all.
He still wasn't sure just how Cuddy had roped him into extra clinic duty again, House thought as he glanced down at the chart between his hands. Still, at least the case looked slightly more interesting than the usual STDs, eye infections, and sprained ankles he usually saw on clinic duty.
"So you say you got bit by a cobra?" he asked the man who lay face down on the bed, his left arm carefully kept below heart level.
"Well it wasn't quite a cobra that got me, but our poison control person said that cobra was the closest antivenin to what I did get bit by, and that as long as I get treated within six hours of the bite, I should be, well for the most part able to avoid the convulsions, foaming at the mouth, and the awful and incredibly painful death."
House looked at the man, make that kid, who looked like he couldn't be more than about twenty, and also looked like he was going to cry.
"So just what did bite you?"
"You wouldn't have heard of it."
"Humor me. And besides, you've got a little time yet. The nearest supply of cobra antivenin is in Newark, and they've got to send it over here by courier."
"It was a Qua'ah'me'drahk. They look like of like Darth Maul, but the horns are a little bigger."
"That would be a Lesser Qua'ah'me'drahk then. The Greater sub-species would have been purple and hornless. At least your poison control person was halfway competent because the treatment for a Greater is entirely different. So why did you get yourself tangled up with a Qua'ah'me'drahk," House said, glancing down at his chart "Andrew?"
"Okay, Grace and I, Grace she's down in the cafeteria in search of something sweet because she gets really cranky when she doesn't get enough chocolate. Anyways, Grace and I were, well you see those little origami swans and tigers and bears on the table there that Grace made, anyways, pretend I'm the tiger and she's the swan and the Qua'ah'me'drahk is the bear, and well," Andrew mumbled something under his breath and the origami figures began to levitate in the space between table and bed. "So we were supposed to take down the Qua'ah'me'drahk and we found its lair, so I charged into the lair with Grace behind me. The battle was quick, but fierce and I found myself quickly thrusting my sword into the foul demon. However, as the beast drew its final breaths, it made its death strike, chomping down on my arm even as life left its own body." As Andrew talked, the paper figures re-enacted Andrew's version of the fight.
"You're lying about that part," House said, reaching forward to grab the paper tiger out of the air. The patient always lied.
"Okay, so I hid behind Grace most of the time, screamed like a little girl a lot, and got bit when I just kind of tripped over the tail after she killed him, and my arm connected with its mouth." Andrew grimaced. "And now my hand's really starting to hurt. And you're not freaking out, and it's like you've heard all this before, and you're not thinking I've hit the hallucinations part that leads up to the excruciating and painful death yet."
"You ever hear of Sunnydale? Former home of the world's most interesting diagnostic cases? I spent a summer there during med school. Got to see five different cases of Qua'ah'me'drahk bite during those three months, and never thought I'd see another case of it again."
"Yeah, I used to live there. You knew about the Hellmouth and all?"
"Oops, nice talking to you, but my pager just went off. Another doctor should be in shortly with the antivenin." With that, House walked out of the room with almost a smile on his face. Funny how after hundreds of clinic cases, this particular one could still make him feel a bit nostalgic for the good old days.