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Xander vs. The Nest

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Summary: Buffy asks Xander to do a little favor

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Xander-CenteredGreyMatterFR1311,0550144,1644 Jun 064 Jun 06Yes
I don’t own them, I just borrowed them, and will return them to their keepers when I’m done playing with them.

Sunnydale, California
Summer, between S6 and S7

Xander adjusted the binoculars and gazed at his quarry from a nice safe distance.

Buffy stood next to him, watching his reactions hopefully. She really, really needed him to take care of this ... thing. There might be pouting. Or puppy eyes. Dawn had agreed to tear up if he could withstand the pouting puppy eyes ... but Buffy hoped it wouldn't come to that. Dawn's tears were even more of Xander-kryptonite than Buffy's tears.

Though Buffy would never admit that.

"Shouldn't be a problem, Buff." Xander lowered the binoculars and gazed at his best friend ... well, the one on this continent. Willow was still in England with Giles. Buffy sagged in relief and sighed. Xander smiled. "Did you really think I'd let that nest get any bigger? I mean, it's not like I ever come here, or anything? Wouldn't want to be attacked on my way out the door."

Buffy bounced her head to the side and smiled. "You have a point. You do spend an awful lot of time there ..."

"That's not a problem, is it?" He asked with a grin. After all, it WAS one of his favorite places in the world.

Buffy grinned and gently punched his arm. "Don't be silly." Then the grin faded. "I really appreciate this, Xand. I just can't handle this right now."

Xander shrugged. "You've been kinda busy," Xander conceded. "Besides, what are friends for?" He paused and grinned, "There had better be pizza when the conquering hero that is me returns from this terrifying and hazardous mission."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "No Doublemeat?"

"It's not meat Buff, and I happen to be a carnivore ... well, okay, technically an omnivore, what with all the Twinkies and chocolate and stuff," he shrugged.

Buffy sighed. She got a discount at Doublemeat Palace, which was not a pizza place. But this was Xander's victory party, and she was asking him to deal with this nest thingy ... so yea, pizza it would be. "I'll order it once you get back." Buffy said.

Xander nodded and lifted the binoculars and continued to scan. "I'll take care of it at dusk, when they're all sleepy."

Buffy frowned but said nothing. She was going to let him deal with all the particulars. It WAS his mission, after all.

He absently continued talking, "I'll get supplies at Home Depot ... I can run and get what I need to deal with that nest when I get some stuff for work later on."

Buffy nodded.

Xander lowered the binoculars and looked at Buffy. "There's a pool next door ... have you ever thought about having it blessed?"

"What?" Buffy was startled. Holy Swimming Pools?

"Well, it's right there ... no?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "And the first time a kid pees in the pool its NOT holy water anymore, now is it?"

Xander frowned and shrugged. "Don't you think a kid would pee in the water when they’re baptized in a church?"

"I don't know ... maybe they bless the water every day and no one knows ... but we are not having a priest come out and bless the neighbor’s pool."

Xander shrugged. "Just a thought." Xander handed the binoculars back to Buffy. "I have ta get to work ... I'll see you a little before dusk, then."

Buffy nodded once and watched Xander get into his new car and drive to work, then she took off towards home.

Home Depot, later that same day.

Xander wandered down the isle, looking at each of his potential weapons carefully. After several minutes in which he carefully gauged how long each would last, he finally selected several that would do the trick. He didn't want to have to deal with this nest again for quite some time. If ever.

Buffy never should have allowed it to get as big as it had, and now they were attacking anyone who passed by their little home. He was glad no one had been harmed too much ... little fuckers could really put the HURT on when they got angry.

He put his weapons in the back seat of his car (he didn't want to leave them at the construction site and have to go back) out of the sun (so they wouldn’t go BOOM!) and continued about his day. Which was actually shaping up to be quite a good day.

Xander was glad that Buffy had ASKED him to deal with the nest. He was getting sick of running past it, and Dawn had even hinted the other day ... he really wouldn't have let it go on any longer, in fact, he was planning on dealing with it this coming weekend. Couldn't let anything bad happen to one of his girls ... well, the remaining girls.

But he wasn't going to think about Tara or Willow ... he had to have his head in the game. Buffy had asked for his help, and he was going to give it, damn-it!

Buffy and Dawn anxiously waited for Xander to return. When he finally arrived, they had watched him slip around the house just at dusk and the girls had run into the kitchen to watch the proceedings.

Buffy was relieved to see that he had been right. They WERE sleepy at dusk and didn't even put up a fight. He calmly brought his weapons to bear on the entrance and depressed the plunger and sprayed death at the nest, obliterating it. Then he watched it for several minutes, capped the cans he'd brought with him, and calmly walked up to the back door and came inside the Summers house.

Xander saw Dawn hit speed dial for the pizza delivery service and quickly and sternly admonished, "NO pineapple!"

"Geesh," Dawn grumbled and headed out of the kitchen. She thought the whole thing had been a little anti-climactic. She’d expected … heroics. Something.

"Thanks, Xand."

Xander smiled at her. "For taking out that nest or telling Dawn not to order pineapples?"

"Yes!" Buffy grinned. "Both!"

Xander grinned and dropped the cans into the trash. "And Buff ..."

"Xand?" She cheekily replied.

"Next time you see those little buggers buzzing around, you gotta deal with them a lot sooner."

"Hey! I Slay vampires, not wasps!"

The End

You have reached the end of "Xander vs. The Nest". This story is complete.

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