Mickey stared around the Tardis corridor. “Yeah…” he said slowly, “It really is a lot bigger than you think, ain’t it. All I normally get to see is that main room.” He pointed in front of them at the lift. “How many floors have you got in here, mate?”
The Doctor shrugged casually. “Fifteen, maybe sixteen. Never been too sure whether there’s a thirteenth or not.” Mickey eyed him. You could never quite tell when this guy was kidding or not.
Rose pressed the call button, and the doors before them dinged open. There, on the lift floor, was Faith’s shirt. Missing a few buttons naturally. The three of them exchanged glances.
“You know,” said Mickey thoughtfully, “I ain’t seen any underwear yet” and got smacked on the back of his head by Rose instantly. “Ow!” he swore, and shot her a dark look.
“I’m not entirely sure Jack wears any,” said the Doctor thoughtfully tapping the sonic screwdriver against his chin.
Rose stared at him, clearly debating whether to whap him as well. “Hello?” she said indignantly, “Looking for the over-sexed twosome here? Pick a floor!”
The Doctor cocked his head to the side and stared off along the Tardis corridor. “Hmmm… sound of metal being strained… possibly water…. Zarton energy sizzle… maybe 6?”
Still rubbing the back of his head, Mickey caught Rose’s eye and mouthed “Zarton energy sizzle?” Rose turned her hands upwards and shrugged in mild disbelief, before pointing to her ears and nodding towards the Doctor. Mickey nodded and smirked.
The Doctor swung round suddenly and looked at the two of them who were projecting total and utter innocence. Rose looking like a perfect angel, while Mickey…. Mickey looked even more bereft of gorms than normal.
His eyes narrowed. “You better not have been mocking my ears,” he said in a dangerous tone, “These ears have been admired by the best! Napoleon! Julius Caesar! Emperor Vertescule himself!”
“Dumbo,” muttered Rose, and flashed an innocent ‘who, me?’ smile at the Doctor.
The Doctor stomped into the lift, and pushed the 6 button forcefully. Mickey and Rose quickly jumped in behind him before the doors shut.
There was music. Really bad music. The sort of music that tone deaf cats would run screaming from. Rose and Mickey clasped their hands to their ears, and stared at each other as the Doctor sang along.
“Ah, bless them,” said the Doctor happily, “You just can’t beat the Sontarans for a good old marching band.”
The lift dinged, the doors opened, and thankfully for the humans inside, the music stopped. Into the sudden silence, three sets of jaws dropped as the three of them stared in disbelief at the scene of raw sexuality before them.
At the back of his mind, Mickey noted that Americans really did get very nice all over tans and he was right about Faith not wearing underwear.
At the back of her mind, Rose noted that Jack really didn’t wear underwear either (as she’d been suspecting for a while now) and that he really did have muscles there.
At the back of his mind, the Doctor was trying to work out exactly where he’d be able to get spare parts for the Framivat that those two were on top of, the time required to refit it, and the amount of energy (in joules per second) they were expending.
Rose blushed and cast a look at the Doctor. She was totally of two minds about watching Faith and Jack going at it like there was no tomorrow. Okay, the Doctor might start getting ideas finally. On the other hand, so might Mickey.
Mickey pointed towards them a couple of times, and went to say something, but gave up and just watched the floor show.
“Well,” said the Doctor finally, “I would suggest a bucket of water but that machinery is fairly delicate. Any ideas?”
From somewhere in the distant reaches of the Tardis, a slow, ringing bell began to toll.
The Doctor’s face blanched. “The cloister bell!” he exclaimed. “What has that damn women done?!?!”
Confused, Rose looked at him, “You mean Mum?” But the Doctor was already hammering at the 1 button on the lift controls.
As the lift doors dinged closed behind him, the sound briefly registered in Jack’s very busy brain. “Going down?” he murmured, and smirked again.
Faith cocked an eyebrow at him, and practically purred. “You have all the best ideas,” she said, and licked her way downwards.
End part 3