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Warren the Millionaire, Lex of the Trio

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This story is No. 3 in the series "Cleveland's Own: Mailer Daemon". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Lex Luthor wakes up in the late sixth season of a TV show he likes, but he's in the body of Warren Mears. Covers 'Seeing Red' and the Smallville Season 5 Finale Arc (Fade/Oracle/Vessel)

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Smallville > Other BtVS/AtS Characters(Current Donor)ShieldageFR15820,5580145,16420 Jun 0610 Jul 06Yes

NOTE: This chapter is rated FR7

Chapter 1

BtVs and the Buffyverse characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, Smallville and it's denizens are product of DC Comics and the WB.

After a week of running through in my head what I would do if I woke up in Xander's body (mainly get tied to a chair and interrogated) I decided to post a more formal Crossover Challenge and this fic to accompany it. Enjoy.

Spoliers for several seasons of Buffy/Angel, takes place in Mid/Late Season 6 as well as Season 5 of Smallville give or take a month

The Quote from Ghandi I first saw in "Prerogative of the Brave" which was posted on this site by someone besides me, I just thought it felt appropriate here as well.

(6/23-30/06, expanded slightly, created Side Bar)
(8/11/06, Moved a flashback, it's now the first section of the fic)

Day 1 - Buffy: Seeing Red / Smallville: Fade - Chapters 1-6 (Each Short)
Day 2 - Smallvile: Oracle - Chapter 7 (Long)
Day 3 - Smallville Season 5 Finale: Vessel - Chapter 8. (Long)

3am that morning, Buffy Standard Time

Chatroom Sunnydale/Cleveland 1
AnrwCable3>>>How r things in Middle America?
NatDemCpy>>>Well enough, minor Apocalypse averted by a werewolf and a drawing of his. Things still in a lull out there?
AnrwCable3>>>Aside from us all's quiet on the Western front. o yeah, if you don't here from me in a bit it'll be because I've evacuated.
NatDemCpy>>>Wha? The fashion policewmn catching up to ya? Almost makes me wish she'd have better things to do with her time.
AnrwCable3>>>*shivers* X-Nay, that's the last thing ya want to happen. We want to rule Sunnyhell with a velvet glove and flying ichor just makes velvet... icky. Joeboy's just been a drag since Warren's rage-induced blackout, but I'll have to grab a new member as soon as possibl
AnrwCable3>>>Warren's cool and all, but he's the kind to suffer two fools better than one, if you get what I mean. The next time a plan fails and I *wish* Lex Luthor was here instead of Warren.
AnrwCable3>>>whoa- I mean a younger, hip version of Lex the classic guy might get on my nerves
NatDemCpy>>>Oh? Real- Bald or Unbald?
AnrwCable3>>>Bald of course, the hair always made him look girly.
NatDemCpy>>>UR Wish ;)
AnrwCable3>>>LOL! So, what's new with you personaly?
NatDemCpy>>>O, out of the blu a friend became a customer, myght bew worth watching closely 8)


Lex Luthor woke up in a dark room. The first thing he noticed was his chest hair. The second thing he noticed was the hair on his head. He waited about ten seconds for it to go away before clapping his hands for the light to come on. It did, which just shows you that they have something in common.


Warren Mears woke up and the first thing he noticed was the bald guy in the mirror above whatever bed he was in. The second thing he noticed was the raven haired beauty sleeping peacefully next to the surprised guy in the mirror. The third thing he noticed was that besides the young woman next to him, he was alone in the bed. Therefore...


The body of Warren Mears took a short, cold shower in the safehouse of the Trio, then wrapped a towel around his waist and spent some time examining his face in the bathroom mirror.

"Either I am insane," muttered Lex Luthor. "Or I am inside the actual body of Warren Mears in some version of Sunnydale. If I was in the actor's body and stuck on set, the shower would not have worked. If this was another hallucination, than I'd probably be in my own body with everyone simply calling me by the wrong name. Not too mention that a dream wouldn't give me this much time to think, or the ability to read this fake brand of toothpaste..." I've also covered that I have the geek's voice, he thought, so I need to stop talking to myself.

"The first thing I need to do is find out about Warren's parents and see if they explain his final, twisted behaviour," he continued aloud anyway. "The second thing I need to do is ask guarded questions about the liveliness of his ex-girlfriend..."

"Tomorrow I need to get all this chest hair shaved off, but that can wait."


The body of Lex Luthor shrugged on an expensive silk robe and tied it loosely about his waist, then padded through a room or two to a semi-formal personal office. The lock keyed to his fingerprints opened at a touch revealing a folder with a name he did not recognize and a photo of the girl in the bedroom paperclipped to the top.

"Man," Warren muttered as he flipped through it. "A complete background check on whoever he's sleeping with; this guy must really have gotten burned in the past."

A glance at something else in the desk revealed to him that something immensely strange was going on, beyond what he had guessed already. Several other things confirmed it.

"Okay," he muttered, frowning. "I'm in the body of Young Lex Luthor and there's a laptop on this desk. Either he's cloned himself without the locks of curly hair, or I'm not in a published comic book. DC the Relaunch! Or something like that..."

"Would explain why I'm in Kansas."


Lex Luthor refuses to be a coward, for he is a believer in M. Ghandi's teaching of 'A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave' and he has never wanted to close that option off to himself. Although, his mom, who he loves so deeply she has colored his choice in women all his life, has quite possibly come on to him strongly the one or two times he has seen her since she died; it's almost enough to put him off the subject entirely.

No, Lex Luthor is not a coward, but neither is he about to roam the streets of Sunnydale on a night when the vampires and demons may truly the least of his worries.

"Worst case scenario: I've been dropped into the night before the Orb heist and if I wait too long in the morning the Slayer will charge right in here and catch me; the body of the man who framed her for accidental death of a human girl. I've got to figure out my time-frame before sunrise."

Newly resolved, he gathered himself and strode out of the bedroom, only to return for something more substantial than a towel.

Reviews welcome :)


A young, brown-haired man sets up a few bar stools in an empty space, then pulls out a can of spray paint and begins creating the walls and the ceiling. Hello, I'm an aspect of the author and this is a representation of the SIDEBAR, a fictional bar in Cleveland. From time to time I'll be pulling characters out of the story and having them interact with each other as well as goading them to explain what's going on. If I want to say what happened in the actual TV series/comics and don't feel like working it into the main text, I'll probably place it here. I kinda lifted this idea from Marvel's Cable/Deadpool series, where it's pulled off probably far better than I can manage it... you shouldn't have to read this section to enjoy this story but, who knows, it might help.

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