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Summary: After Chicago revelations make Sam reevalute his life and those in it.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Supernatural > Non-BtVS/AtS Stories(Past Donor)gbholdernessFR18911,460063,45424 Jun 0624 Jun 06Yes

Chapter One

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am very very very broke and have no money. Sam and Dean unfortunately belong to CW and not to me. I am making no money off this story so please don’t sue.

Some ideas have come from reading the amazing Cat’s Whiskers fantastic stories as well as the incomparable DragonFan and her amazing Dawn Winchester verse. I would also like to shout out to Maygin for her wonderful stories that have been my inspiration as well. You guys rock.

This is my first time writing fan fiction though I’ve been an avid reader for years. So please be kind, and constructive criticisms are welcomed.

I just posted my first crossover story here as well, so I can now finally post this single Supernatural story here as well. Please review.


Chapter 1


As Sam jerked awake sweat dripping down his back and gasping for breath. He silently cursed his inability to sleep through the night and hoped he hadn’t waked Dean up from his much-needed slumber. Only a week out of Chicago and demon spawn Meg Master’s Sam knew that both he and Dean still need time to recuperate and regroup. He quietly got out of bed and snuck to the small bathroom in their dilapidated motel room being as quiet as possible since it looked like Dean had not been woken up by Sam’s nightmare thank goodness.

Once inside the tiny bathroom Sam turned on the lights and splashed his face with some cool water trying to get the thoughts and epiphanies swirling through his head to calm down long enough for him to get a grasp on them. Sitting down on the toilet Sam began to realize that once again it was time for his life to change.

Sam never meant to hurt Dean. The thought actually didn’t even cross his mind. The problem was that he was so used to thinking of Dean as invulnerable that he missed the fact that the person who could hurt Dean the most was Sam. Call it youngest sibling blindness exacerbated by the fact hat Dean was also a father figure to the young Sam and you get a case of hero worship that breeds an inability to see the truth. Sam never thought about Dean’s feelings, because Dean never allowed him to make that a consideration. In fact the time with the Scarecrow demigod had been the first time in their lives that Dean had actually gotten mad and told Sam exactly what he thought about Sam’s behavior without trying to temper the knowledge he imparted. For the first time Dean called Sam on his selfish behavior and tried to make him see what a spoiled brat he was being.

It wouldn’t be until now in a cheap ass motel bathroom at 3 in the morning after finally finding their Dad and them letting him go that it finally sank in with Sammy though. Seeing his father again had been an emotional moment for the younger Winchester, but none of that compared to what he had experienced when he had hugged his Dad and then later on when he had patted his shoulder.

Sam didn’t know if it was because it was his father or if it meant his powers were finally coming online, but this time the vision didn’t hurt. It was too much to take in all at once, and Sam had been processing what he’d experienced in and out of sleep for the past week.

When Sam had hugged his Dad it was as if he’d become his father. All of a sudden the pent up desire to know what his Dad was thinking, where he’d been and to finally understand the taciturn man had led to him unintentionally pull that information from his father. It was making the old adage true of be careful of what you wish for, because you might just get it. Finally understanding why his father was the way he was, was both a blessing and a curse, but what had really twisted Sam’s world on his axis was the way his Dad saw his son’s. Or more importantly the way John Winchester saw Sam.


Sam wasn’t a mean person. He never set out to intentionally hurt someone especially his beloved big brother. However the saying Familiarity breed’s contempt does hold a grain of truth. Sam was used to being the one taken care of not the other way around. He was so used to being given unconditional love and support from Dean that it never occurred to him that maybe Dean deserved the same love and support from him. Seeing himself through his father’s eyes had allowed Sam to see his flaws for what they were. Sam loves Dean there was never any doubt about that, be he had without meaning to put conditions on that love. I’ll love you if you side with me against dad. I’ll love you when it’s convenient. That realization came at a price to Sam because like all good people once you have the knowledge of how you sinned, you can’t sin like that again and still be able to ask for forgiveness. That it was his own father that saw this sin shamed Sam even more then if it had been some stranger. That it was his own father that was concerned with Dean’s ability to protect himself against Sam that really shook him up. That though he was know assured of his father’s love for him it was his father’s concern for Dean’s emotional well being that stopped Sam in his tracks.

Sam knew that he had to change his ways, but what was even more important Sam knew with certainty that it was vitally important to his family’s continuous survival that he does so. He didn’t know when the battle was coming, but he knew it was coming soon, and the bond between Sam and Dean needed to be strong and without holes or resentment if they were going to get out of the battle alive. With this realization Sam vowed that no matter what he was going to fix things between his brother. Sam was not going to continue to take Dean for granted. They were going to be ready for the upcoming fight and for once in his life Sam was going to take responsibility for Dean not the other way around.

With that decision made Sam quietly crept back to his bed and fell into a peaceful slumber of one who has finally accepted his destiny and is looking forward to the future.






So what do you think should I keep going. Does it suck. Do you want to read more? Please let me know and no flames. I will use them to cook ribs for supper.
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