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Summary: Superman Returns . . . To the hell mouth?!!!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > SupermanSuperLoxFR1534,9160177,68530 Jun 0610 Jul 06No

Chapter One

This is a Buffy / Superman crossover. It starts out with the same concept as “Superman Returns”. The Man of Steel has been away for five years. But it diverges from the movie after that.

I own neither Buffy nor the Last Son of Krypton. This is not-for-profit and just for my (and hopefully your) amusement.

Riley drove along the quiet country road to his Aunt Martha’s place. It was out in a stretch of iconic mid-western American farmland. The Kent farm was pretty much a twin of the one where he had grown up in Iowa. It felt like home.

He pulled into the driveway and smiled up at Martha, who was standing on the deck.

“Riley,” she said with a smile, “How wonderful to see you again.” She rose to greet him as he jumped out of the truck. He ran up and gave her a hug.

“How’s my sister?” Martha asked.

“Mom’s doing great,” he said. “A bit lonely these days. All her kids have flown the nest.”

Martha’s expression darkened and Riley felt like an ass. “I know the feeling,” she said.

“Still no word from Clark,” he said.

She shook her head. Riley decided it was time to change the subject. “I retired from the Marines,” he said.

“I though you were happy with your military career,” she said.

“I was, and I’m proud to have served, but it was time to move on. There are a lot more people out there now to deal with the kind of things I used to deal with. So I figured why not try something else for awhile.

“I always thought you should have gone to med school to be a psychiatrist,” Martha said. “You’ve always had a knack for that sort of thing.”

Riley smiled. “I’ve already enrolled at University of Iowa medical school. I start next month.”

“Congratulations!” Martha said with genuine pride. Riley had always been her favorite nephew. She invited him inside and they shared family gossip and reminisced about the times he and Clark used to play around during family visits. Hours passed. Night fell.

“You two were a pair,” Martha said, laughing. “Always running around pretending to rescue people.”

“Yeah, I think we thought we were superheroes,” Riley said laughingly. Martha looked pained again.

“Are you alright?” Riley said.

“It’s nothing,” she said. She looked like she was about to say something more, but suddenly the whole house started to rumble. They both stood up and walked to the window. A blinding fireball fell from the sky and crashed right in the middle of Martha’s corn crop.

She looked apprehensively at Riley. “I’d better go check that out. Why don’t you stay here?” she said.

“I’ll come with,” Riley said.

She looked hesitant, but nodded. The two drove out there. “Stay here,” she told him when they got to the crater. Riley knew enough not to argue when his aunt took that tone.

He waited impatiently for a couple of minutes. Of all the things he expected to see when she came back, a very naked long lost cousin was not one of them.

He rushed to help Martha carry him. Clark’s eyes fluttered open. “Riley?” he said in confusion. Then he dropped back off.

The two laid him in the back of the truck and got him home in bed. He walked down stairs when they were done and looked a question at Martha. He sipped his coffee.

“Am I going crazy or did Clark just fall from the sky in a meteor?” Riley said.

Martha sighed. “I don’t suppose I could convince that was a coincidence.”

“I’m not nearly as gullible as I used to be,” Riley said.

“You know how I told you Clark had left to travel the world,” she said.

Riley nodded.

“Well he actually went much farther than that,” she said.

“What, so he’s some sort of astronaut,” Riley asked.

“He’s Superman,” she said.

Riley spat out his coffee.

*** Scene Change ***

“So what are you going to do, now that you’re back?” Riley asked. The two men stood by a wooden fence, overlooking an endless field of grain. The son was just starting to set a couple of days after Clark’s unexpected arrival back.

“Clark shrugged. Maybe I’ll go back to Metropolis. Get my old job back,” he said.

“And the other thing?” Riley asked.

“It’s still so weird that you know,” Clark said. “I don’t know. I’m not sure the world needs a Superman anymore. It seems to have gotten along just fine without me for five years. No major apocalypse.”

“Well actually . . .” Riley said, but then his phone rang.

“Riley, we need your help.” Only one female voice could be that peremptory and commanding.

“Hello to you too Buffy. How’s Cleveland?” he said. Clark looked up with a raised eyebrow. “Buffy” he mouthed with a smirk. Riley shot him an annoyed look and turned away.

“Fine. Someone’s been getting to Slayers before we do. We’re not sure how, but we can’t find more than three dozen Slayers activated in the past six months. We thought it was random at first, but that’s too many to be coincidence,” she said.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked.

“There aren’t many people with the resources to kidnap a bunch of Slayers. Your old bosses are one of them,” she said.

“That’s ridiculous. The military would never . . .”

“Set up a secret organization to harness powers beyond their understanding?” Buffy finished with an edge of sarcasm.

Riley sighed. Most people he knew in the military were honorable folks. But there were always a few bureaucrats at the top who screwed it up for everyone else. “I’ll sound out my old contacts,” he said.

He wanted to say more. He was happily married now, but there was still so much unresolved between them.

“Buffy, I . . .” He was interrupted by the sounds of combat.

“There is too many!” yelled an unknown female voice in the background.

“Buffy!” Riley shouted. The phone went dead

He turned around. “Clark we’ve got to . . .” He was gone. Riley wondered if he’d ever get to finish a sentence.

*** Scene Change ***

“There are too many” Susan shouted. With so many of the New Watcher Council’s resources devoted to the search for lost slayers, there were only four of them and half dozen watchers at their Cleveland headquarters.

Literally hundreds of vampires and demons poured into the large warehouse area they used for training, and the small cluster of good guys were being hearded into a corner.

“So I’ll take the hundred on the left,” Xander said, “can’t leave you girls with nothing to cut your teeth on.”

Buffy stepped forward to meet the first waive. She punched, kicked, wielded a battle axe and generally reeked mayhem amongst the demonic ranks. The other Slayers didn’t do much worse. But Susan was right. There were just too many. Three bull necked yellow demons carried her away from the rest. She managed to break free and decapitate all three, but she had trouble fighting her way back. A two horned demon that looked a lot like the classical conception of Satan held a fourteen year old Slayer named Sarah overhead.

He looked Buffy directly in the eyes. “Now she dies,” he bellowed. Buffy struggled to get there, but he was too far. He brought the girl down towards his knee on a trajectory calculated to break her young back. Buffy could only watch in horror as it seemed to happen in slow motion.

Then suddenly, faster than her eye could follow, Sarah wasn’t in the demon’s hands any more. Buffy looked around and saw the girl standing at the far end of the warehouse out of the fighting. What the hell?

Then she looked back to the monstrous demon, who looked equally confused. Faster than a speeding bullet, a man in a blue suit and red cape appeared behind the demon. He tapped it on the shoulder.

“Excuse me sir, but didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s not polite to hit a lady.” The demon growled and spun around with a terrifying haymaker.

Superman caught it in one hand and squeezed. There was an audible pop as every bone in the demon’s hand broke. Then Superman let loose with a roundhouse of his own and a demon sized hole appeared in the warehouse wall. Buffy had to turn her concentration back to the fighting, but she saw the red suited figure zipping around the room and, before long, the forces of evil were in full retreat.

“Is everyone alright?” Superman asked after the last of them had fled.

“Fine, thanks to you,” Sarah said. The red haired fourteen year old had a look of love struck awe in her eyes. Great, Buffy thought. That’s just what we need.

“We’re good,” Buffy said. “Not that I’m not grateful, but haven’t you been gone for a long time. How did you just happen to be around?

Superman smiled. “I’m always around,” he said. Then he actually saluted, which would have looked corny coming from anyone else but seemed entirely genuine coming from him.

“You ladies take care,” he said. “And, uh, sorry about the warehouse.” Buffy looked around and saw several other holes where demons had been punched through the walls. Then, in a streak, he was gone.

Sarah looked like she might swoon. She turned to Buffy. “Do you think we’ll see him again?” she asked.

Buffy smiled. “He’s Superman. I think we can count on it.”
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