Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel the Series. I know it sucks, but life’s a bitch and then you die.
Summary: Spike and Buffy re-unite after Sunnydale becomes a crater. Post Angel episode Damage.
I walked up the steps to my room and paused at Buffy’s door. I could hear her crying, but she was trying to be as quiet as possible. I had no idea what to do for her. We tried to talk to her last week, but that didn’t go so well. “Buffy? Are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” she said with false cheer. “Spike’s dead…maybe?” I said. She flinched. “Is this an intervention?” she asked as she noticed Willow, Xander, and Giles behind her. “Yes.” “I’ll mourn him any way I please. Xander and Giles you two have no right to stop that. You both treated him like shit. Giles you plotted to kill him. Without him you and all of us would most likely be dead. He was a great man and I don’t want to listen to you people putting him down.” “Even me?” I had asked. “After he came back with his soul…You were just like the rest of them, Dawn.” “He tried to rape you,” I replied. “You know what I did to him? All the time we were together. I used him for sex so I would feel something. He let me beat him up, use him, put him down, and treat him like dirt under my shoe. Because he loved me and he deserves your fuckin’ respect and the right for me to mourn him and damn way I please!”
We watched in silence as she left the house. None of us moved or said a word for at least fifteen minutes. She didn’t return home for three days. And since that night she has tried to hide her grief from us, but she was right. She deserved to mourn him any way she wanted.
It still hurt. I didn’t like seeing her in pain. She spent the last five or six years saving the world and now has to grieve over her lost love.
*** *** ***
We picked Andrew and some of the other Slayers up at the airport today. Giles and all the girls headed straight to the new council to try and help the psycho Slayer. Andrew was acting really weird.
Since, we moved to Rome, things have been okay, other than Buffy’s depression. Andrew has been studying to become a Watcher and I am going to be graduating high school soon. Buffy trains the new Slayers and fights evil, but she gets paid now. So we live in a three bedroom flat with Andrew.
We dropped the Slayers off at the new council building in the capable hands of Giles and the others. Andrew had the next two days off after going to LA. We were headed back towards our flat. I was in the front driving and Andrew was twitching next to me. I looked in the mirror to see if Buffy noticed.
“Andrew? What’s going on?” I asked gently.
“Is Angel turned into Angelus?” Buffy asked.
“Tell us, Andrew! You can’t keep secrets from us!” I screeched.
“He’s alive…” he whispered.
“Duh, we know Angel’s alive,” I said.
“Who?” I asked impatiently.
“Pull the car over, Dawn,” Buffy said from the back. I did so and watched her get out. She walked ten feet to speed limit sign and pulled it out of the ground, then proceeded to beat a nearby tree with it. She stopped when the tree fell over.
Next, she pulled Andrew out of the passenger seat and slapped him.
“Don’t ever fucking kid about that. Get in the car, NOW!” He was about to argue, but didn’t at her look. “Drive, Dawn,” she said after she buckled in.
Andrew came to me in my room that night. He told me about everything that happened while he was in LA. I had no clue what to do. So I called a Scooby meeting. We planned to meet while Buffy was training the slayerettes the next day.
*** *** ***
“What’s the emergency, Dawn? We are all very busy people. I highly doubt another intervention will work,” Giles said as he cleaned his glasses the next day.
Giles, Xander, Willow, and I were sitting in a café near my highschool. I had thought it was a good place to meet, incase they wanted to yell. Public places make it harder.
“Yeah, what’s going on, Dawnie?” Willow asked gently.
“Andrew…tell them,” I commanded.
So he did. He told them the entire story from when he arrived in LA all the way until Buffy’s reaction.
“She hit you?” Xander asked.
“Yeah. Kinda romantic isn’t it? She’s so broken, because she believes her long lost love is dead. But, he’s alive and well and working with her former lover.”
“Romantic?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said dreamily. Sometimes I don’t get Andrew.
“What should we do?” Willow asked.
“She needs to know. But, we need to do it carefully,” I said.
“I agree,” Willow said.
“No. She finally has a chance to be with that human guy that lives next door to you. He is so into her…maybe they could be together,” Xander said.
“Are you serious?” I asked incredulously. “Riley was human and didn’t last. She needs
Spike and you all know it. He’s perfect for her. They have passion, love, and can handle each other. They were made for each other.”
“Soul mates,” Andrew said dreamily.
“Yes. Dawn has a point. Just how to tell her?” Giles finally spoke.
“Maybe a group thing,” Willow suggested.
“The intervention thing didn’t go so well last time,” I said.
“Yeah,” Xander sighed. “If you guys think this is best. I’ll go with it. Why don’t we take her there to see him. He’s in the hospital, right?”
“We can’t do it that way. We need to tell her,” I said.
“Yeah, but who?” Willow asked.
We all turned to Giles.
“Oh, all right!” he blustered.
*** *** ***
They think I don’t know what’s going on. They are planning another intervention. Andrew’s joke the other day really set me off. I think I need to go to Sunnydale, so I can say goodbye. See the last place that he was, for closure.
Or whatever that shit shrinks say.
I just need to be close to where he last was.
I headed home and ordered a pizza for Andrew and Dawn. I then had my bath and changed into my jammies. I pulled the worn leather coat out from under my bed. Spike died wearing the real one, but I went out and bought one just like it.
And then spent a week getting it to smell like him.
Almost every night I dream of the day he died or time we spent together. Some of the I would call nightmares like the ones of me beating him up in the alleyway, but some are so wonderful like the time we were “engaged” or the night he just held me in his arms.
I wonder what they will say this time. I need to get over him? How can I? He died not believing I loved him. I didn’t even know until it was to late. I didn’t know until the night he died. I sat on the porch thinking of things I had pushed from my mind. I thought of my past, the present, and what I wanted in the future.
And I walked down the staircase towards the basement. And didn’t have the gut’s to tell him. I knew he had seen me kiss Angel and I didn’t think he would believe me. I told myself that after the battle I would show him. It was him I loved and him I wanted. And he would believe me.
After the battle, I told myself.
After the battle, he was dead.
I missed my chance and he died thinking I didn’t love him.
So, tomorrow, I’m announcing that I’m going back to say goodbye.
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I'm gonna post the rest Sunday-ish...please review! Hugz. - Chelsea