Xander, Rona, and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer
are all copyright of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and 20th Century Fox. The Amityville Horror
is the property of MGM/UA, its producers, and its distributors. No profit or infringement is intended.Not-The-Author’s Note:
I did not write this. My brother did. Some day, he’s going to get tired of waiting for me to post his stuff and get his own frickin’ account. That day, however, is not today. This is his thirteenth Xander crossover. The previous twelve are:
1. Don’t Lose Your Head (Xander/Highlander)
2. Medium-Sized Trouble in Little China (Xander/Big Trouble in Little China)
3. Loose Dead Ends (Xander/Dead Last)
4. Car Shopping (Xander/Herbie)
5. An unCharmed Life (Xander/Charmed)
6. Vegas Vacation (Xander/CSI)
7. From Beneath You, It Devours (Xander/Tremors)
8. Slayer Development (Xander/Arrested Development)
9. Buy Hard (Xander/Evil Dead)
10. Gate Crashing (Xander/Stargate)
11. The Customer is Always Wrong (Xander/Clerks)
12. House Calls (Xander/House)Repossession
The trio of vampires ran through the woods, glancing back at their pursuer.
“We're almost to the site. She still after us?” the lead asked.
“I don't know. Joey, take a look.”
The third vampire stopped and turned.
“I don't see any-”
Joey's word were cut off as an arrow pierced his chest. Joey burst into dust, and a figure stepped out from behind a tree.
“Sorry, Joey ain't with us no more. Maybe I can help you. I'm Rona,” she dropped her crossbow and drew a stake from her belt. “The Vampire Slayer.”
A man ran up beside her.
“And I'm Reginald John...” he stopped and bent over. “Sorry, let me catch my breath. I'm Reginald Johnston, official Watcher. Not a probationary member anymore.”
“Reggie, they already took off,” Rona said.
“Oh. Sorry,” Reginald bent down and picked up her crossbow. “On a side note, you really should handle your weapons more carefully. Remember, take care of your weapons as if your life depended on it, because it just -”
“Stow the lectures, Bertie. We still got a couple of hostiles out there.”
Rona set out in pursuit.
Rona stepped into the clearing. She spied the two vampires she had been hunting twenty feet away.
“Hey, guys. Guess you didn't hear. This town's under my protection.”
“Oh, we heard all right,” The leader said. “That's why we came prepared. Boys?”
Ten more vampires stepped into view.
Reginald entered the clearing.
“Sorry to lag behind, but these things are a bit tricky to reload,” Reginald looked up. “Oh. Shit.”
“Got any ideas, Reg?” Rona asked.
The lead vampire began laughing. “You know I always wanted to kill a Slayer. I hear their blood tastes sweeter than -”
Reginald fired the crossbow, hitting the leader directly in the chest. As the vampire dissipated, Rona turned to Reginald.
“Nice. Got any plans on how to handle the rest?”
“Not as such. Unless they plan to stand around for as long as it takes for me to reload and fire eleven more times.” Reg explained.
The remaining vampires began to advance on the two.
“Get ready to run,” Rona said. “I'll try to hold them off until you're clear.”
Rona took out a second stake and gripped both tightly.
“Okay, boys. This one's gonna cost you. You picked the wrong Slayer to -”
Gunfire ripped through the vampires, setting them afire. Rona and Reginald ducked to the ground, looking for the shooter.
Most of the vampires burst into ash a few moments after the gunfire. Two managed to beat out the flames in their wounded limbs. As they writhed on the ground, a figure dressed in black stepped into the clearing. He pulled off a pair of goggles.
“Hey, guys. How ya been?” Xander asked.
Rona and Reginald picked themselves up from off the ground.
“Yo! Xander! Nice timing.”
“Mr. Har... Xander. Glad to see you,” Reginald said. “Interesting equipment. Did the Council issue it?”
Xander shook his head. “Nope. I scored these bad boys all on my own. Helped save a girl from some kidnappers working for an evil worm demon... I think. They didn't really clarify the whole thing. Anyway, the girl was the daughter of an Air Force officer. Hold on.”
Xander fired at the two last vampires. They quickly burst into flame, then dissolved.
Xander continued. “The commander let me resupply. Which looking back on, I'm not sure included the weapons I took. But finders, keepers.”
“Amazing. Incendiary rounds?”
“Yup. Plus, I got these night vision goggles. I can use them to spot people lurking around. Then I flip on the thermal overlay, and I can check if they're vampires or not.”
“What model gun is that?”
Xander glanced down. “It's um, a gun... bullets come out. The guy at the base mentioned some numbers and letters. I wasn't really paying attention. I was busying thinking how cool I'd look with them.”
Rona walked up and hugged Xander.
“Good to see you again, boss,” she said.
“You know it bugs me when you call me that.”
“And I've made peace with that. We were expecting you last week. What's with the delay?”
Xander shrugged. “I got sick. Touch of malaria. Nothing big.”
“Malaria?” Reginald asked. “That's a very serious disease. Over a million people die from it each year.”
“It is? Oh. Yeah, I wasn't really paying attention when the doctor was talking either. So, what's on the agenda?”
Xander sat down at the table. He watched as Reginald bustled around the room, setting up the projection screen.
Xander turned to Rona. “So, does he always use visual aids when he does the exposition?”
“Yup. I'd say something, but Reg gets so excited when he does it. It seems cruel to take it away from him,” Rona changed the subject, “So, I haven't seen you since I did that month long rotation in Kenya. How is everyone back there?”
“Well, Sam Zabuto's set up the African headquarters in Nairobi. He directly oversees the training and researching as well as the communication network for all the local Slayers and Watchers operating throughout the country. He's got a good team working for him.”
“What about that doctor that helped us out? My favorite Martian.”
“Carter?” Xander said. “He's still with Doctors Without Borders. Helps us out now and then. Thanks to him, we have a network of doctors we use.”
“That is one fine looking white boy. Isn't he rich too?” Rona asked.
“Yes. And he's married.”
Reginald stood up before them. “If you're ready now.”
Xander and Rona sat up, paying attention.
Reginald turned on the overhead projector and began his presentation. “The house is in the small town of Amityville. It has a long sordid history. The most infamous event was the DeFeo murders in 1974. Ronald DeFeo Jr. brutally shot and killed his father, mother, two brothers, and two sisters.”
Xander glanced at Rona. He scribbled on his note paper and passed it to her.How's Reg working out?
“The next family, the Lutzes, stayed in the house for only twenty eight days before vacating. They all survived. Unfortunately, not all who lived there were as lucky.”
Rona frowned and wrote on her note paper.Why are you asking?
“The Montelli family story ended in tragedy. It was a virtual replay of the DeFeo murders. One son kills his parents and siblings. Afterwards the local priest testified that Sonny Montelli was possessed by an evil spirit.”
Xander passed back the note to Rona.I approved him for fieldwork. I want to be sure I didn't make a mistake.
“A few years later, a reporter named Baxter moved in. Shortly after, his daughter died at the house.”
Rona passed the note back to Xander.Little inexperienced. Tends to geek out over any research, but committed to the job.
“Over the years, there have been reports that objects from the house once removed carry the curse. A lamp, mirror, clock, even a dollhouse. Each of these has been tied to reports of supernatural activity.”You ever want another Watcher?
“Over the years, each resident has only stayed a short time. There have been numerous deaths, some accidental, some violent, all can be traced to this house.”Naw. Besides, if I ask for another I might wind up with Andrew.
“Last month, as part of a fraternity and sorority initiation, a group of five boys and five girls tried to spend the weekend in the house. I say tried, because by early Sunday morning, they were all dead.”
Xander and Rona looked up.
“Jesus,” Xander said, “What happened.”
“According to the police report, two boys and one girl died in various accidents. Falling down the stairs, slipping in the bathtub, and falling off the roof. Three boys and three girls were killed. Stabbed, bludgeoned, suffocated. The final girl hung herself.”
Reginald looked down at his notes. “There have been some attempts to bless the house. None of them were completed. I'm afraid that we are dealing with a combination of factors here. There are indications of a demonic presence that drove the initial killings. However, later killings seem to point to the spirits of the original victims compelling others to reenact their last days.”
“So what's the plan, Reg?” Rona asked.
“We go into the house and perform an exorcism to drive out any demonic entities, then perform a summoning for any spirits which we will then guide to the next world.”
“Sounds simple enough.”
“It isn't,” Reg replied. “We will have to go room to room. As we cleanse each room, we have to set up a protection spell to keep anything from reentering them. I have the plans for the house. It will take at least three people. Truthfully I would prefer more than that.”
Xander stood up. “We're the only ones available to do this. There's no Senior Slayers or Watchers to guide us. The training wheels are off for this one. But I've worked with both of you before. And given the choice there's not any two other people I'd rather have with me. We will get this done.”
Xander paused and smiled. “Besides, it's only a couple of insubstantial ghosts. What could go wrong?”
“Rona,” Xander said as calmly as possible, “Put the knife down.”
Rona slashed the knife through the air as she giggled.
“You know, I am sick and tired of you Sunnydale folk acting like you know all and the rest of us can't function without you.”
“Rona! I never act like -”
Xander jumped back as Rona lunged with the knife.
“Maybe you have a point there. Let's put the weapons down and discuss this. Please?”
Rona flashed a predatory grin at Xander. “Or I could just gut you like a fish then strangle you with your own intestines.”
“Okay, let's call that plan B. If the discussion doesn't work we can try that out.”
“I'm tired of talking. It's dull. I want to have fun.”
“You know what's fun?” Xander asked. “Five second head starts.”
Rona shrugged. “Ain't like you'll get that far.”
Xander bolted down the stairs.
“One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three- aw screw it. This is boring.”
Rona jumped down the stairs in pursuit.
“Oh, Xander,” Rona said in a sing song voice, “Ready or not, here I co-”ZAP!
Xander stood behind to the side, holding the Zat'nik'tel forward. He prodded Rona's body with his toe.
“Reg! Get over here! We got trouble!”
After a few seconds, Reg scrambled into the room.
“What happened?” he asked.
“Rona went crazy. Tried to attack me with a knife.”
“Oh, god,” Reg sobbed, “We never should have come here.”
“Grab her arm, we'll carry her out.”
Reg backed away shaking his head. “It won't help. We'll never get out of here. The house won't let us.”
“It will come at us and keep get into our heads. We're not safe from each other or even ourselves.”
“It's gotten to you, hasn't it?” Reg asked. “I can't trust you.”
“It's too late,” Reg said as he pulled out a stake and pressed it to his chest, “It's just too late.”SLAP!
Reg fell back as Xander rubbed his hand.
“Listen to me, Reg,” Xander said, “Your Slayer has been incapacitated. You have to get her to safety. Now grab her arm and help me get her out of here.”
Reg looked flustered. “Of course. I'm sorry. You said she attacked you. How did you stop her?”
Xander chuckled. “Stupid girl gave me a head start. I got to my zappy gun and nailed her. Thought just because she's a Slayer that I couldn't fight back. Guess I showed her otherwise. They're all the same. Think just cause they're stronger and faster that they can't be beat. But I know different. History is just a long line of Slayers that died cause they thought they could handle it by themselves. Just like this one will. We leave her here and we'll see how long she'll -”SLAP!
Xander clutched his jaw. “What the hell was that for?”
“Um, it seemed necessary,” Reg mumbled, “You were talking about leaving Rona here to die.”
Xander paused. “That does sound wrong now that I think about it. C'mon, let's move.”
Rona pressed an ice bag to her head.
“What the hell did you hit me with?” she asked.
“It's a....” Xander trailed off as he looked though his weapons bag. He pulled out a training pamphlet and read from it. “Zat'nik'tel. A type of energy projectile weapon taken from the Go'auld.”
“What the hell is a Go'auld?”
Xander flipped through the pamphlet. “It does not say. I think when they hand these out they kinda assume you already know what a Go'auld is. But basics are one shot will knock a person out, including Slayers and vampires as I have learned. Second shot will kill. Which I assume also includes Slayers. I know it doesn't kill vampires. Third shot will disintegrate the body, which does include vampires.”
“How do I get one?”
“You save the life of an Air Force brat, then abuse the commanding officer’s hospitality.”
Reg entered the room looking concerned. “How are you feeling?”
“Slight headache,” Rona answered, “But I no longer feel the urge to gut Xander then laugh as he flops around on the floor trying to stuff his innards back into his torso.”
“Good, cause I can never remember where everything is supposed to go. I just kinda cram it all in there and it never runs the same,” Xander turned to Reg, “So what's the plan?”
Reg sighed. “I can cobble together a protective fetish for each of us. And if we delay by a few days, I'm sure I can obtain an amulet that prevents outside forces from affecting us.”
“Yet you don't look like that's good news.”
“Most observant. If we utilize these, it will make the cleansing rituals more difficult to perform. We would have to go much slower and it would affect a smaller area, so we would have to perform it more times.”
“Which means we're in the house for a longer time,” Xander said, “and the longer we're there, the more likely the protection spell will peter out.”
Rona stretched her back. “Too bad we can't just torch the place.”
Xander stopped and looked at Rona. He turned to Reg and smiled.
Xander, Reg, and Rona stood on the lawn as they watched the fire spread. Eerie howls rang through the night as the house burned.
“Gotta say, Xander. That is some nice work. You sure the police won't track it to us?” Rona asked.
“Rona, please,” Xander said, “You don't grow up in Sunnydale without learning a few things about burning down buildings full of evil creatures without leaving traces of your involvement.”
Reg nodded. “Indeed. Besides, give the history of the house, the fire will be the last in a long line of unexplained accidents. I doubt the real estate company will push for an investigation. They'd probably just be grateful for the insurance payout.”
“This'll take care of it all then?” Xander asked.
“It should,” Reg answered, “Most spirits and demons are tied to the actual residence and property inside. Just in case, I'll come back in a week with a priest to consecrate the ground.”
An explosion ripped through the house, causing the structure to collapse in a heap. The flames burned the wreckage.
“There went the water heater.”
Rona glanced around. “This may sound sick, but I could really go for some s'mores.”
Xander nodded. “I'm in the mood for hot dogs.”
Reg sighed. “I suppose we can pick up some food and have a cookout at the park.”
Xander and Rona high-fived each other.
“You won't regret this. My family used to have cook outs all the time. It'll be just like that. Except no one will get drunk and try to start a fight with the family at the next table,” Xander stopped and thought for a moment, “This will be the best cook out I've ever been too.”The End.