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Willow's Magic Portal Machine.

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This story is No. 4 in the series "The Seattle Slayers.". You may wish to read the series introduction and the preceeding stories first.

Summary: Willow builds something in the basement, it all goes wrong and the SGC must ride to the rescue. A Willow and Kennedy story with lesbians, death, destruction and a few songs!

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
Stargate > General(Recent Donor)DaveTurnerFR18729,58131814,21317 Jul 0621 May 07Yes

Chapter 7:“Láta okkur gera the tími vinda aftur!"

Chapter Seven. “Láta okkur gera the tími vinda aftur,”

umBongoland, ???.

“This can’t be good,” muttered Sam as the four women stood in the light of the Stargate.

The rest of the cave was in darkness, they could just make out ‘things’ moving about outside the circle of light made by the gate. There was an ominous sound like hundreds of pairs of giant leathery wings rubbing together.

“Where’s Daniel?” wondered Sam, “He should be here with lights and troops and soap.”

“Can’t we go back through the gate?” Buffy wanted to know.

“It’s a one way thing,” said Willow, “didn’t you listen to Sam when she explained?”

“No, I zoned out when she started to sound like Giles,” Buffy drew her sword.

“What do we do now?” asked Kennedy with a hint of ‘I never wanted to come anyway’, in her voice.

“Well,” mused Sam, “in twenty minutes the gate’s going to close down and we’re going to be standing here in the pitch dark.”

“Crap!” cursed Buffy.

“Darn!” muttered Willow.

“Bugger!” sighed Kennedy.

“All of the above,” added Sam.

There was a bright flash of light.

“OH SH..!” exclaimed Buffy just before she vanished.


High Paradise Orbit, 933 SR (Alternate Reality).

Thor’s eyes opened wider to register his surprise. A moment ago he was looking down on an intermediately industrial planet. Now; where once there had been cities now stood rubble. Where once there was rolling farmland there was now great swathes of torn up land poisoned by chemical weapons and littered with destroyed military equipment. The atmosphere, land and sea had been contaminated by biological weapons and here and there were areas of high radioactivity. Somehow things had changed, but what had caused it?

Thor went back over his sensor logs, there it was. It stood out like a beacon when you were looking for it. Just before the ‘Change’ the second Stargate had been activated, and there had been a disturbance in the fabric of time. Now there were four human life forms near the second gate. Thor activated his transporter.


“…IT!” Buffy and her friends appeared on the Asgard ship.

Buffy looked up to see a short skinny grey guy with a big head.

“DEMON!” she yelled as she raised her sword.

She felt Kennedy come and stand next to her, assegai and shield at the ready. The hairs on her arms started to rise as Willow built up a charge of magic to reduce this…this not very impressive demon to a grease spot.

“Thor?” queried Sam.

“Colonel Carter?” if it was possible for an Asgard to look both puzzled and surprised at the same time Thor made a damn good try at it.

“THOR?” chorused Willow, Buffy and Kennedy looking over their collective shoulders at Sam.

“Yeah,” nodded Sam.

“I gotta say he doesn’t look like a Norse thunder god,” observed Willow.

“Uh-huh,” agreed Kennedy, “he’s more of a Roswell alien…”

“What’s going on here?” Buffy lowering her sword.

“Ladies,” announced Carter formally, “this is Thor, Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet. Thor, this is Buffy and Kennedy the Vampire Slayers and Willow Rosenberg the umm, witch?”

“Greetings,” Thor as he took a small step away from the group of humans, “maybe you would like to avail yourselves of the showers?”

“That would be great!” exclaimed Carter, “And have you got any clothes we could wear?”

Thor hesitated for a moment as if he was having some kind of internal argument.

“I am sorry Colonel Carter but I’m afraid not,” he lied.

“Couldn’t you have some manufactured for us?” Sam asked hopefully.

“I’m sorry but no,” Thor sounded genuinely sorry, “all the manufacturing units are working on an important project and cannot be interrupted. If you’d follow the indicators to the showers.”

Thor directed the women towards a corridor.

“Colonel Carter may I speak with you after you have showered?”

“Sure Thor,” Sam led the way to the showers.


Willow and Kennedy walked side by side down the corridor as they held a whispered conversation.

“Oh Goddess Kennedy,” she whispered “I forgot the De-Lusting spell in all the excitement.”

“Don’t say words like ‘excitement’!” pleaded Kennedy, “It’s all I can do to keep my hands off you as it is!”

“I hope the showers have cubicles,” Willow’s voice trembled with passion.

“I hope we get there soon,” panted Kennedy.

“Hey what are you guys whispering about?” asked Buffy.

Willow and Kennedy started to remove jewellery and drop weapons leaving a trail of tribal artefacts along the corridor.

“What’s going on with those two?” Sam asked as she walked up beside Buffy.

Suddenly realisation dawned as Willow and Kennedy sprinted down the corridor and ran into the shower room. If it had been possible to slam a sliding door they would have.

“Oh! Yes I remember now!” laughed Sam, “The Stargate’s effect on so-called magically inclined people.”

She turned towards Buffy and stepped away remembering she was standing next to another ‘magically inclined person’.

“OH!” cried Sam eyeing Buffy warily.

“Hmm?” Buffy turned to Sam, “OH! NO! Don’t worry it doesn’t seem to affect me!” Buffy sounded disappointed, “Darn! Never get any fun…”

Sam relaxed a little and leant against the corridor wall.

“How long do…do…y’know?” she gestured towards the door.

Buffy shrugged and sat down on the floor, Sam joined her, “Let’s give them half an hour?”

“Okay,” nodded Sam, “So, what’s it like being the Head Slayer?”

“It has its ups and downs.” Buffy replied giggling.


Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain Complex, 2007 CE.

“Unauthorised off-world activation!”

O’Neill and Daniel arrived in the control room within seconds of each other.

“Close the iris!” ordered O’Neill as the wormhole stabilised.

“It won’t close!” came the not unexpected reply.

“Defence teams to the gate-room!” ordered Jack wearily.

Within seconds SF’s and Marines piled into the gate-room all pointing their weapons at the event horizon. Slowly four figures appeared from out of the worm-hole and stood at the top of the gate ramp. O’Neill leant forward and activated the microphone for the loudspeakers in the gate-room.

“Carter!” he called, “You’re out of uniform!” Jack turned and grinned at Daniel.

“Oh-my!” exclaimed Daniel.


Willow came up behind Sam and tapped her on the shoulder.

“The De-Lusting didn’t work!” she whispered, “We need a room with a bed…soon!”

“Just a room with a floor would do!” added Kennedy.

Carter sighed and then looked at the massed defence teams that crowded the gate-room, they were all staring at her and her friends.

“ATTEN-SHUN!” she called out; the Marines and SF’s stiffened to attention.

“A-BOUT TURN!” Carter ordered; it seemed to her that the order was obeyed a little too slowly for her liking.


Earth Orbit, 2007 CE.

“How come she…me…I…they…get to go home and I…we don’t?” demanded Willow.

“Because you are needed on both Earth and Paradise,” explained Thor.

“See I told you so!” Kennedy stuck her tongue out at her girlfriend.

“SSH!” ordered Willow, then, “What? How? Huh!”

“It is quite simple,” explained Thor, “when you went through your portal you became part of Paradise’s history. When Colonel Carter and your friend Buffy joined you there and brought you back to the present. You were taken out of that history before you could achieve what in reality you had already achieved thus changing history for the worst.”

Thor stopped for a moment to contemplate on what he had just said; nodding to himself he continued.

“You are too important to take out of your own history here on Earth, your talents may well be needed in the coming fight…”

“What fight?” demanded Willow and Kennedy together.

“There is a threat to Earth even greater than the System Lords,” replied Thor cryptically, “but that does not concern you now. Your duty lies on Paradise.”

“I wondered when someone was going to mention duty,” grumbled Kennedy.

“So we’re exact copies of ourselves?” asked Willow, “You know; the same bodies, our hopes and fears and emotions and…everything?”

“Yes,” replied Thor smugly.

“Then that explains why I feel so sad,” Willow seemed to collapse in on herself.

Kennedy walked over and hugged her girlfriend but it didn’t make much difference.

“What is wrong?” Thor asked concerned.

“I was looking forward to getting back to my baby and my slayers,” mopped Willow, “now the other Willow gets to stay with them and I never see any of them again.”

“AAAH!” nodded Thor wisely, “Emotional attachments, I forgot how much store humans put on these,” he thought for a moment, “this need not be a problem.”


Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain Complex, 2007CE.

“…and for some reason Thor wouldn’t bring us all the way home,” Carter finished her report.

She, Willow, Kennedy and Buffy sat across the conference table from O’Neill and Daniel. All the women were now dressed in Air Force fatigues. For some reason Daniel couldn’t look any of the women in the eye and Jack just sat there grinning.

“So he dropped us off on P3F779 and we gated home. He gave us this to get us through the iris,” she held up a small Asgard device.

Jack seemed lost in his own thoughts and said nothing when Carter stopped speaking.

“General?” prompted Carter.

“Oh! Sorry, miles away there Colonel,” replied Jack, “job well done Colonel. I think this deserves a little down time…how long did you say you were gone?”

“Eighty to ninety days Sir,” replied Carter, “Willow and Kennedy were away for a slightly shorter period.”

“But you were only gone a couple of weeks,” Jack was confused.

“It’s all to do with the…” Carter started to explain.

“Save it for your report Colonel,” smiled O’Neill.

“Yes Sir,” sighed Carter.

“Um!” Willow waved her hand at Jack, “I was wondering when we might be able to get as far away from that gate thing of yours as we can? Not that I’m against all the…you know, but…you know?”

Willow’s voice petered out as she became the centre of attention.

“What Willow’s trying to say is,” explicated Kennedy, “while having sex every time someone uses the gate is fun. It’s rather tiring for Willow. Me I’m a slayer, loads of stamina I can go on for hours, days even…but it’s embarrassing having to drop whatever you’re doing to find a bed…couch…chair…floor or something…so when can we leave?”

The only sound in the conference room was that of Buffy’s uncontrollable laughter.


umBongoland, 873 SR.

A circle of water appeared at ninety degrees to the ground next to the tree on the hill overlooking the kraal. It shimmered for a moment before Willow stepped out onto the hill, she looked at the baby on her hip.

“Looks like this is our new home sweetie.”

Moments later Kennedy stepped out of the circle followed by their six trainee slayers.

“Hey that was neat!” said Sally the youngest slayer.

The girls looked around themselves at their new home. They were all dressed as warriors and carried a collection of bows, assegais, knobkerries and shields.

“Well!” announced Willow, “We better get on!” she started to walk towards the kraal, her kraal; she corrected herself…Little-Tree’s Kraal.

Kennedy fell into step next to her.

“We better see about building more huts,” she said.

“We’ll need bigger herds an’ such,” agreed Willow, “and damnit! More men!!!”

“Never mind Little-Tree,” grinned Ken-de, “we’ll find them somewhere.”

“And a shower!” exclaimed Little-Tree, “Number one priority, I don’t care if the world ends tomorrow, there’s got to be a shower!”


USAF Military Passenger Jet heading for Seattle, 2007 CE.

“I don’t know why I never thought of it before,” Buffy sat back in the big comfortable leather chair.

“What’s that?” asked Kennedy from the depths of another chair.

“Well when we were captured by the Initiative. We should just have started talking about sex and they’d have got all embarrassed and let us go!”

“Yeah they did let us out pretty quick like, once Kennedy explained about our special little problem,” Willow helped herself to another plate full of snacks from a convenient trolley, “I mean they knew about that stuff from before, so why did it come as a surprise?”

“Never had it rubbed in their face before Willow!” giggled Kennedy.

“Nice of you to invite them all over for a barbeque,” Buffy added, a slight edge to her voice.

She still wasn’t comfortable with the military, but the SGC guys seemed okay.

“Least we could do after they lent us this spiffy plane of theirs,” replied Willow.

“Anyone want another drink?” Kennedy made her way over to the mini bar.

“Yeah! Why not?” cried Buffy and Willow.


Stargate Command, Cheyenne Mountain Complex, 2007 CE.

General O’Neill sat back in his chair and surveyed the mounds of paperwork on his desk; he sighed and picked up another folder. As he opened it a smile crossed his face; it was part of Carter’s mission report. The memory of a topless Colonel Carter sprang unbidden to his mind.

“Never let it be said,” he informed his empty office, “that Thor has no sense of humour!”

Letting out a short bark of laughter Jack went back to his paperwork.


umBongoland, 933 SR.

Half a galaxy away two old women sat on a hill in the shade of a tree. They looked down on their village, the shadows lengthened as the sun started to set in the east. They watched as the village children played one more of their interminable games of soccer as their mothers cooked the evening meal.

“I think I’ll try and get that last Water-Demon tomorrow.” Ken-de put her arm around Little-Tree’s shoulders.

She’d been trying to wipe out the local Water-Demons for nearly sixty years, but there were still a few left.

“You be careful,” warned Little-Tree.

“I will be,” Ken-de paused for a moment, “I don’t think I’ll bother going hunting again after this ones dead.”

“Not getting old are you?” Little-Tree jabbed Ken-de playfully in the ribs with her elbow.

“Maybe…I just don’t find it fun anymore,” she explained, “was it like that for you when you gave up the magic?”

“Who said I gave up?” asked Little-Tree craftily, “I’ll turn ‘em all into Small-Green-Amphibians if they say I have!” She paused for a moment to think, “You know I can’t remember what the English for Small-Green-Amphibian is anymore!”

“Maybe you’re getting old too? I’ve forgotten loads of English words, like…What do you call a Noisy-flying-cart?”

“Dammed if I know!” Little-Tree shrugged her shoulders.

The two women sat in silence for a moment.

“D’you feel like everything’s slowing down?” Little-Tree snuggled up to her partner, “Like we’re coming to an end or something?”

“Yeah,” agreed Ken-de, “I think the end must be coming soon.”

“Thor did say these bodies were good for about sixty years,” sighed Little-Tree, “it must be nearly that now.”

“So this is ‘it’” Ken-de announced.

“We’re gonna die!” yawned Little-Tree, “I wonder how our ‘other’ selves made out?”

“At this moment they’re still young,” Ken-de smiled, “this time-travel stuff really bugger’s with your head,” she paused for a breath, “sacred?”

“Not when I’m with you.” replied Little-Tree “Love you Ken.”

“And I you Will.” replied Ken-de, “For ever an’ ever.”


As the two women lay in each other arms they were transported back to when they were both young and strong. In the morning that was how the villagers found them, still wrapped in each others arms.


The village women dug their grave and placed the two old heroes to rest under the tree on the hill. In the grave they placed Little-Tree’s Magic bag and her Head-woman’s staff. Ken-de’s rifle, assegai and shield were placed next to her; so that the Goddess would recognise them for who they were when they met. The women filled in the grave and placed large stones over it to stop the animals from disturbing the old women’s rest.


Seattle, 2007 CE.

Buffy wandered up to Major McCready, she held a bottle of beer in her hand and staggered a little. I’m a little drunk! This made her giggle because at five foot two she could hardly be a big drunk. She stumbled against McCready; he easily caught her in his arms.

“Thanks!” Buffy regained her balance, she looked at McCready through slited eyes, “You’re a bit of a hottie,” she announced poking him in the chest with her finger, “are you married?”

“Sorry, yes,” McCready smiled down at the tipsy blonde.

“Darn,” pouted Buffy.

“The General’s unattached,” McCready informed her, a roguish smile played across his lips.

Buffy’s face lit up at the news, she looked across the garden to where Giles sat talking to General O’Neill, Not bad…considering. He was probably so much younger than most of the men she normally dated, and he was almost certainly not a vampire.

“Thanks!” patting McCready on the chest; she started to waive her way over to where O’Neill sat.


“So, what do you do at the SGC?” Kennedy asked Lt. Winters.

“Combat Archaeologist,” came the short answer.


“So-so. You?”

“Slayer and part-time librarian,” replied Kennedy.

“How’s that working out for you?” asked Winters.

“It has its moments, the librarian thing can be a bit dangerous.”

“Paper-cuts?” asked Winters smiling.

“Vicious,” agreed Kennedy.


As the music started the young Slayers ran to form a line facing the ‘adults’. ‘The Village People’ started to sing and the Slayers joined in with their own words drowning out the original song. The dance that the girls performed was probably not what the original artists had imagined either!

(‘YSWA’ Sung to the tune of ‘The YMCA’ by ‘The Village People’).

“Young girl, there’s no need to feel down,
I said, young girl, pick yourself off the ground.
I said, young girl, ‘cause you’re in a new town,
There’s no need to be unhappy.”


“What the!” exclaimed O’Neill as he watched the girls dance about the lawn.

“I know it’s terrible,” sighed Giles, “Willow tells me it’s their ‘Party Piece’.”

The young Slayers sang on.

“Young girl, there’s a place you can go,
I said, young girl, when you’re short on your dough.
You can stay there, and I’m sure you will find,
Many ways to have a good time.”

“Omygod no!” groaned Giles as he watched the girls make sexually suggestive gestures.

“And this isn’t the worst bit.”

“It gets worse?” asked O’Neill incredulously.

“It’s fun to stay at the YSWA,”

The girls spelled out the letters with their arms.

“It’s fun to stay at the YSWA.
They have everything for a girl to enjoy,
You can hang out with all the boys.
It’s fun to stay at the YSWA,
It’s fun to stay at the YSWA,
You can get yourself clean, you can have a good meal,
You can do whatever you feel.”


O’Neill looked at Giles, “YSWA?”

“Young Slayers Wicca Association,” Giles replied with a sigh, “the world is doomed, truly doomed.”

“Yeah,” agreed O’Neill handing Giles another beer.


Willow walked over and stood next to Sam as she watched the girls dance and sing.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking,” started Willow, “but you’ve known Daniel for some time, haven’t you?”

“Yeah,” nodded Sam, “must be nine years now, why?”

“I just wanted to ask you if he’s, you know…nice.”

“Nice?” Sam took a swig from her beer and turning to look at the redhead.

“Y’know not weird or anything,” Willow was starting to feel the urge to babble.

“Weird?” Sam’s eyebrows began to knit together.

“Like he’s not a secret dope fiend or a demon or…you know…stuff like that,” Willow wondered.

“No,” Sam shook her head, “Daniel is one of the best, you couldn’t ask for a nicer guy. Why do you want to know?” Sam put her beer bottle to her lips again.

“Well,” said Willow shyly, “it’s just that I’ve been thinking; when Tara’s a bit older.” Willow hesitated for a moment. “Well, I’ve been thinking about having another baby, and I was wondering if Daniel would like to be the sperm donor?”

Sam choked as beer exploded from her nose.

“Colonel Carter!” Willow pounded Sam on the back, “you okay?”


Somewhere over the Rainbow.

Little-Tree and Ken-de looked at each other; then looked across the wide expanse of grassland to the mountains in the distance.

“I think we’re ‘sposed to head for those hills,” Ken-de hefted her rifle onto her shoulder and picked up her assegai and shield.

Little-Tree looked into her bag, “I think I’ve got everything I need,” she bent and picked up her staff. “Oh well, another darn long walk!” she looked at Ken-de and smiled, “A journey of a hundred days starts with one step.”

“Nice to be young again,” said Ken-de as they strode out together.

“I wonder if there’ll be hot showers?” asked Little-Tree.

“And soap,” added Ken-de.

“And soft toilet tissue!” they chorused and laughed as they walked into the sunrise hand in hand.


I’ve always thought of these stories as episodes in some Buffy/Angel type TV programme. So with this in mind…


The scene shifts back to the barbeque, as the end credits begin to roll we see and hear the Seattle Slayers sing yet another song!

(‘In the Air Force’ to the tune of ‘In the Navy’ by The Village People).

Where can you find pleasure,
Search the world for treasure,
Learn science technology?
Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true
On the land or in the air?
Where can you learn to fly,
Play in sports or sky dive,
Study meteorology?
Sign up for the big bang,
Or sit in the grandstand,
When your team and others meet.

In the Air Force,
You can fly with General Jack.
In the Air Force,
You can go there and come back!
In the Air Force,
Come on and bomb another land!
In the Air Force,
Can't you see we need a hand?

In the Air Force,
You can do things on the fly.
In the Air Force,
Sit and watch the snake-heads die!
In the Air Force,
Come on now people don’t be shy!
In the Air Force,
In the Air Force.

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

Who me?

They want you, they want you
They want you as a new recruit

But, but, but I'm afraid of flying.
Hey, hey look Man,
I get airsick even watchin' it on TV!

They want you,
They want you!

Oh my Goddess.
What am I gonna do in a B52?

They want you,
They want you in the Air Force.


The song fades out as the credits finish, a animated cardboard cut-out demon makes it’s way across the screen, it turns to the camera and says;




Knobkerrie: Or Knobkerry I’m not sure of the spelling, it’s basically a mace or long club.


‘Bloodbath in Paradise and there’s no where you can run to…’

Paradise is where I set all my wargames and RPG’s. The characters of; Two-Bulls, Angry, Misty, Olla and Tanna were the characters played by my friends. Nearly all their actions as described in this story are taken from gaming sessions even the bit about Olla and the Guard, which was particularly funny cos she missed with her knife the first time. She only did the guard one point of damage!! Oh how we laughed!

SR means ‘Standard Reckoning’, and CE means ‘Common Era’.


The End

You have reached the end of "Willow's Magic Portal Machine.". This story is complete.

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