Vampires, Wormholes, and #2 Pencils
A/N: This is my ultra crossover story. It incorporates many different series, among them BtVS, AtS, Farscape, Highlander, and Stargate SG-1. I'm planning on writing a prequel after this story but I will try to explain all the potentially confusing stuff as I go along.
Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the above series. I will have several original characters in this series, who I will cite as I go along. The first of these is Mina.
The alley was dark and dirty, as the alleys of Los Angeles often are at three in the morning. Garbage lined the walls next to a dumpster, positioned between the back doors of a nail parlor and a pizza joint that opened into the alley. Both were closed at this hour. It was so late that nobody would think of coming anywhere near this particular alley. In fact, there was no one around for several blocks, a rarity in so crowded a city. Nobody was there to see the flashes of light that illuminated the alley. No one noticed the huge gaping whole that opened in mid-air just to the right of the dumpster. And when a group of figures emerged from the hole, which quickly closed up behind them, no one batted an eye. There were no eyes to bat.
The figures that had emerged from the wormhole into the dark L.A. night were a raggedy band. Only a handful of them looked even vaguely human. The shortest of these struggled in the grip of a more alien looking female. The older female looked around wearily, while trying to keep a firm grip on the child in her grasp. She barked something to the others, in her native language. To most humans, it would have sounded like an unintelligible set of clicks and growls, but what her companions heard was: "Where the frell are we?"
"How should we know?" gurgled a froglike silhouette, "It was your idea to capture the brat. It was your idea to jump into that wormhole. Now we're the ones who are supposed to figure out where in Hesmanna we've ended up? You aren't paying me enough for this."
"Don't you talk to the Empress that way, you piece of dren!" a tall figure ordered. He practically hoisted the frog-creature off his feet. In the ensuing scuffle, the child finally managed to wrench itself from the Empress's grip and take off running. Before anyone else could react, another portal opened. It was just big enough to admit a tiny body, closing immediately afterward .
The frog-creature growled. "Great! Now we're completely frelled."
Spike was bored. And when a vampire, with an alias like William the Bloody, picks up a case of ennui, most people would not consider it a good thing. This held especially true for the CEO of Wolfram and Hart. Currently, the vampire called Angel sat across from his grand-Childe, trying his best to finish the paperwork in front of him. This was not so easy, considering the fact that Spike had just spent twenty minutes using Angel's electric pencil sharpener to make razor sharp tips on several packs of #2's. He was now throwing them at the older vampire's ceiling, trying to get them to stick.
Finally, Angel looked up at the bleach blonde and glared. "You know, I just had the most comforting thought."
"Oh, yeah? What was that, Peaches?" Spike replied, throwing another #2 skyward.
"I imagined that one of those pencils fell out of my expensive plaster ceiling, turned in mid-air, and permanently put me out of my misery."
The blonde smirked, "Taken the brooding to a new level, have we? Thinking about suicide now?"
"No simply amusing myself with images of you, staking yourself with a pencil."
The younger vampire held up two fingers in British salute. Before he could respond vocally, though, he was interrupted by a green demon in a bright purple suit bursting into the office.
"You guys have got to see this! It's a big...swirly... electric blue... thing!" Lorne made a frantic motion with his hands and then ran out of the office just as quick as he'd come in.
Angel looked perplexed. It was very rare to see Lorne so ineloquent or spastic. Spike jumped out of his seat with the excitement of something to do that was unrelated to writing utensils. The two vampires entered the lobby outside Angel's office to find that Lorne hadn't been kidding. There in the middle of the room, there was indeed a big, swirly... thing. Angel was able to recognize it as a portal through time and space, even though it didn't look much like the ones he'd encountered before. That didn't explain what it was doing in the middle of his lobby, though.
There was very little time to ponder the portal, however, before it expelled a small, darkly clothed figure and disappeared again. The small creature expelled by the portal scrambled across the lobby in full view of all of its occupants and hid under the stairs to spite the lack of cover therein. The steps were suspension engineered and weren't exactly the best place for concealment.
Angel looked around the other faces in the lobby for any explanation as to what was going on. Harmony looked as clueless as always. Spike simply arched his scarred eyebrow. Wesley, who had exited his office, looked completely clueless. Gunn was somewhere going over legal briefs. Fred was immersed in work down in her lab. Lorne looked just as baffled as the rest. So, that left him to figure out what was going on with the small bundle quaking under the stairs. Surprisingly, Harmony was the first to round the stairs and approach the newcomer. "Um, hello."
A little face peaked out of a sea of black. Harmony took a few steps closer, and the little girl suddenly burst into tears. The secretary backed off, turning to her boss for help. "Angel! She's crying! Do something!" She turned back to the child. "Don't cry! Whatever's wrong, it'll be alright."
Angel approached the pair. He kneeled down a few feet from the girl and held out a placating hand. "Hey, it's alright. No one here is going to hurt you."
The cherubic face reappeared and Angel was struck with the odd mental image of his estranged son Conner. The black scarf covering the girl's hair fell back a bit revealing a head of hair that was streaked in equal parts black and platinum blonde. The vampire found this odd in one so young. She couldn't have been more than four or five. He smiled. "Hey."
She spoke one word in a beautifully flowing language that Angel didn't recognize, scrambled over the few paces between them, and threw her arms around Angel's neck. The vampire looked questioningly at Wesley who shook his head. He didn't know what the word meant either. Angel picked up the girl, who was dressed in all black, with the exception of a dark blue t-shirt that matched her eyes. He took her into his office, followed by his employees, and sat her on the couch. The dark haired man had a hard time dislodging the girl's iron grip around his neck, but managed the feat after a few minutes.
Again, she broke into tears and Angel had to reassure her that she was safe there. This elicited a snort from Spike. The older vampire glared at the blonde then returned his attention to the child. Lorne slipped down in the seat beside her and put a comforting arm around her. The dark-haired vampire smiled softly at her again.
"My name's Angel," he said. "That's Harmony," he indicated the blonde vampiress, who waved good-naturedly. "The green guy is Lorne. The man with the glasses is Wesley, and the goofy blonde is Spike. Don't worry about him. He's harmless." The last bit drew a growl from the younger vampire. To everyone's surprise the girl started giggling. Angel asked, "Can you tell me your name?"
The girl looked confused and mumbled something again in the language she'd used before. She paused as if recalling something she'd forgotten and then spoke in English. "Mina."
"Mina? That's your name?" Lorne asked. She nodded.
"Where did you come from Mina?" the dark-haired vampire inquired.
"Moya." she replied simply. Her eyes began to water again. "I want my Mommy."
"Where is your mum, Bits?" Spike piped in. He shrugged at the incredulous look he got from Wesley. "Hey, I'm evil. Not heartless."
"She's on Moya."
When it seemed Mina wasn't going to elaborate, Angel tried another tack. "Do you know where your daddy is?"
This threw Mina into a fit of giggles. "He's dead silly."
They failed to see why this was funny and asked her. Mina looked matter-of-factly at them and retorted. "Daddy was always dead." She pointed a finger at Spike and then at Angel. "He's like you."
She then addressed him in her own language again using the same word. Angel was taken aback by the implication that her father was a vampire. Wesley, however, couldn't hold his tongue any longer and interrupted his boss. "What is that language you keep speaking, Mina?"
"Sebacean." she said simply. For some reason she had taken to blatantly staring at Spike, who resolved to stare right back at her.
The former Watcher ignored this and continued, fascinated. "I see. Is that a demon language?" She shook her head and giggled some more. He tried again. "But that word, why do you keep saying it to Angel?"
Mina fidgeted. "It's what he is."
The others gaped at her. Spike spoke up, his stare unwavering. He had the odd notion that he knew this child somehow but couldn't place her. "You know what he is?"
The girl nodded. Angel's brow furrowed. "That word you called me before...it means vampire?"
Mina snickered. "No silly.'Vampire' means vampire. And Sebaceans can't say 'vampire' anyway."
"Then what does it mean?" Harmony countered. Mina just rolled her eyes.
"It's his name!...Peaches!"
Angel began to cough uncontrollably in shock. Spike deepened his stare. He was the only one who ever called his grand-Sire by that name. It dated back to an incident in the early days of their vampire band, involving Angel, Darla, and a plate of candied fruit. As far as the blonde vampire knew, no one else was even aware of what it meant.
The others murmured excitedly. Lorne was the first to recover and address Mina. "Baby cakes, where did you get that name from? Why do you call Angel …Peaches?"
The girl seemed to think this over a moment. "Mommy always calls him Peaches. She said my Daddy used to call him that. No one in our family calls him Angel, 'cept Aunt Chiana and Pilot."
"Is this ringing any bells, boss?" Harmony inquired.
Angel shook his head. He'd never met any of those people. "Never heard of them."
Again Mina giggled, "You're all funny! You don't know anything."
"What do you mean, luv?"
Mina stared at Spike again and looked slightly chastised. "I just meant cause he was sayin' he'd never met my Mommy or Pilot or Aunt Chiana. 'Course he hasn't met them. There still in the future."
Again, the group was stunned. This little girl was from the future? Well, it wasn't totally out of the realm of possibility. Considering her abrupt entrance into their lives, and her odd style of dress, it was entirely possible. That took care of some questions, but created many others. Angel decided to voice one. "In the future, how do I know your mommy and those other people?"
Her little brow creased in thought. "S'complicated."
"Just start with the simplest ways. Who are these people to me?"
"Oh, okay! Pilot is our pilot. Moya is our ship. And Aunt Chiana is your wife. Only she was Uncle D'Argo's wife first. But he died. Then, you two got married. "
Angel had given up being shocked as a given at this point. "Okay. So what about me and your mommy? Are we friends?"
"Yes." She replied still creasing her brow. "But that's what's complicated. Mommy says you were my Daddy's mommy's daddy… in the vampire way. So you're like my great-great grandpa. Only, me and mommy aren't vampires.... Mommy was daddy's Mate. So, you're…I dunno. All I know is we're family."
Angel turned to face Wesley who was obviously working out the whole explanation in his head. Wesley nodded before saying. "I think she's saying that you were her father's grand-Sire. Her mother was Mated to her father. So, both she and her mother are part of your vampire family."
"Yes!" Mina shouted excitedly, glad that she'd been understood.
"But that would make her father a vampire and vampires can't have children."
"Look who's talking, Peaches."
"That was a very special circumstance!"
"Perhaps," Wesley interjected, "in the future, vampires have found a way to reproduce other than Siring."
"That's all well and good, kiddies. But can we get back to the issue at hand? Like…" But Lorne was cut-off by an indignant huffing sound coming from the seat next to him.
They all turned their attention back to Mina, who had crossed her arms over her chest during their little discourse and was presently glaring at Spike. After all the staring, she seemed to have finally decided she didn't like him. "You're not my Daddy."
Spike gave her an odd look. "Of course I'm not your pop, luv. I…"
She cut him off too, shouting, "I want my Daddy!"
"We can't get your daddy, Mina." Angel said calmly, hoping to placate the increasingly angry child. "We don't know where he is or even who he is."
"Oh! I know this!" cried Harmony, seemingly coming out of her own little world. Of course they all ignored her in favor of the screaming girl.
But Mina refused to calm down. She just kept screaming, "I want my Daddy," over and over. After a few minutes, she turned her head to the ceiling and demanded of no one in particular, "Do you hear me? I want my Daddy! The bad people are coming and Mommy is too! But she can't stop them stop them without Daddy ! I WANT MY DADDY!"
The tiny girl screamed this last part and the room began to shake. A bright light emitted from a point in the ceiling just above Spike who backed up to the couch quickly, not knowing what was about to happen. The light grew to a blinding intensity and a nude figure dropped out of the ceiling, landing with a thud on the carpet. The light disappeared and they were faced with the extremely pissed off countenance of the vampire before them.
Mina tugged at the duster sleeve of the shocked bleach blonde vampire nearest her. He looked utterly dumbfounded. The girl repeated herself, pointing at Spike, "You're not my Daddy!" She pointed at the growling creature on the floor. "That's my Daddy."
"I knew it!" Harmony cried. There, on the floor, lie a groggy, spiky haired, tattooed, and naked William the Bloody.