A Dirty Shame Sunnydale StyleAuthor:
Xander/Ray Ray (that's man-slash just so we're clear on that)Disclaimer:
I claim no ownership to anything Buffy. I don't own or have anything to do with the movie A Dirty Shame
. So that means I am not the copyright holder.Summary:
Xander gets one too many hits to the head. The concussion opens him up to a whole new world of sexual rapture.Setting:
Takes place during Buffy Season 3 before Faith shows up and before the events of the movie A Dirty Shame.Author's note:
This whole story is complete insanity. I started it as a joke to post on the test site but like the movie this crosses with it just kind of took over and I decided it would kind of funny and probably a bit disturbing. So what the hell. Oh and I didn't get this beta'd AND
it's my first story so any constructive criticism about formatting or anything at all would be appreciated. After all, no matter how bad what you say to me is I will get the last laugh because you read this story!
Barely dodging another punch Xander quickly staked the vampire in front of him. Glancing around while he caught his breath he noticed most of the vampires seemed focused on Buffy. Buffy was simultaneously fighting four vamps. Scratch that, three vamps. Willow was holding her own against another one. Before he could rush over to help her, Willow took care of her opponent too. Which left Buffy to finish off her 3 bad guys.
"Come on, hurry up Buffy," Xander yelled with a smile "We might still have time to catch that movie."
"Hello! It was four against one over here. If you're in such a hurry feel free to jump in at any time," Buffy said as she staked another of the vamps. "One down two to go." Buffy sent a powerful roundhouse kick into one of the remaining two. While he was recovering she quickly staked the other. The last vampire recovered quickly and picked a large rock up off the floor of the alley they were fighting in. As he swung it up to try and smash Buffy in the head she quickly sent a stake through his chest turning him to dust. Which left a good sized rock with a fair amount of momentum still in the air. And as the dust from the vampire cleared Buffy saw Xander was directly in the path of the rock. "Xander! Look out!"
"Huh?" Xander turned to look at Buffy in confusion since he had turned away from her as she dusted the last vampire. All he saw was something large headed right for his head until said object actually hit him in the head. Then all he saw was the pavement of the alley rushing toward him fast followed by blackness.
Buffy watched in exasperation as Xander hit the ground like a sack of potatoes.
"Oh no. Xander!" Willow exclaimed.
Before Buffy or Willow could get to him an old red tow truck with 'Ray Ray's Service Center' painted on the side screeched to a halt at the mouth of the alley. The driver stepped out of the truck and
paused staring a little above Buffy & Willow's heads.
"My name is Ray Ray and I'm here to help. Why don't you go call an ambulance and I'll make sure your friend here is OK. It looks like a concussion. And a concussion is a terrible thing to waste."
Buffy & Willow looked at each other then looked at Ray Ray.
"Well, he's definitely human," Buffy said to Willow under her breath. Ray Ray was standing there in an oil stained white denim jacket with little silver stars attached along all the edges.
Willow shrugged. "The phone's just right across the street and he seems to know about concussions."
"All right. We'll just run across the street and use that pay phone," Buffy said to Ray Ray.
As they started across the street Ray Ray knelt down in front of Xander who was starting to groan and open his eyes.
"Wha huh?" Xander asked groggily. Looking up he saw a slightly blurry and seemingly glowing man in a white jacket.
"My name is Ray Ray and I'm here to service you," the man said as Xander tried to figure out what was going on. The man's face seemed to be getting closer to him until it disappeared from his field of vision. A second later he heard the sound of a zipper and felt a little tug at his waist.
WHOA! I'm pretty sure a concussion doesn't feel like that thought Xander as he tried to get up. But between the spinning of his head and the combination of pleasurable feelings he was experiencing it wasn't that easy. The sensations of pleasure seemed to swell and grow with every passing second until with one final surge of pleasure the world seemed to fade to white around him. Every scratch, bruise and pain that he had from fighting the vamps was gone. He felt as good as new. In fact better than new. As he opened his eyes everything was perfectly clear.
Ray Ray was standing over Xander with a smirk on his face. From the other side of the truck Buffy and Willow were rushing back to see what all the commotion was about.
Xander leaped up from the ground and threw his fist in the air and yelled out "LET'S GO SEXING!" as Buffy and Willow looked at him in utter confusion.
"My work here is done," Ray Ray said as he put his sunglasses on and got back into his battered tow truck and drove away.