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Ahn-pire

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Summary: Anya has some news for Xander.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Romance > Threesomes - MixedTheaZaraFR1573,07511712,23919 Jul 0625 Jul 06Yes

NOTE: This chapter is rated FR7

Ahn-pire

Disclaimer: Joss and Mutant Enemy own BtVS, and I only wish I did.


Ahn-pire

"Xander, I'm dying."

"What! Ahn, hon, we discussed this already didn't we? You're human and you're clock is ticking and all that?"

"We did, but this is different. My traitorous inside bits are shriveling up and betraying me. I think my ovaries are a man. Lying cheating things, promising lots of babies and instead I get tumors and unpleasant talks about radiation and chemotherapy. "

"Ovaries? What can we do? What can I do?"

"There is nothing we can do. There is something I am going to have done, but I needed to tell you first, because afterwards I don't think you'll still want to date me."

"Oh God, Ahn, honey. Whatever it is we'll get through it I promise. I love you and I don't want to lose you."

"You can promise that now, but you haven't heard my solution yet, so please don't."

"Is it D'hoffryn? Are you going to go back to being a vengance demon?"

"That is actually plan B."

"So what's plan A?"

"I am going to have Spike turn me into a vampire."

"WHAT!"

"That's why I didn't want you to promise. I know you hate the idea of sleeping with a vampire, and it's unfair of me to expect you to want to stay with me after I'm turned."

"Ahn, there are a lot of issues with that plan. Things you might not have thought through cause of everything thats going on."

"Oh, no. I have been very thorough about this. Willow and Tara are going to help me. They can make a potion that makes me just un-human enough so that Spike can bite me."

"But what about your soul?"

"Oh yes I am most certainly going to be keeping that. I would be very upset if my new demon did not embrace capitalism and cost me money. Oh or if she wanted to maim and murder our friends, that would also be bad."

"What about the..."

"Don't worry about that stupid happyness clause. I am really quite happy with my orgasms and had the witches rework the spell. There wouldn't be much point to saving me if I could no longer enjoy orgasms. It had better work properly, because it cost us a pretty penny in Magic Box stock to get that spell worked out."

"So you do all this, and suddenly you're going to go from human to vampire. Where does that leave us?"

"Where do you want it to leave us?"

"Anya, I love you, and I don't want you to die. If Willow and Tara can keep you yourself, I think I can learn to live with being a necrophiliac."

"Are you sure, Xander? I know how much trouble you had with Buffy and Angel."

"My main trouble with them was he was a 250 year old shmuck macking on a teenage girl, and all while hiding what a complete and total whackjob he was."

"So you won't leave me once I become one of the undead?"

"Of course not, hon. I already know what a whackjob you are, and love you anyway."

"Well that's ok then."
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