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Xander and the Himalaya Fortress Fantasy Hotel

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Summary: Response to the Xander's Real Dad challenge. Crossover with DC's Batman. Xander is heir to a scary old man, whom has recently discovered the location of his long lost son.

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
DC Universe > Batman > Xander-CenteredBugeyedmonsterFR1311,7674216,09121 Jul 0621 Jul 06No

NOTE: This chapter is rated FR7

Title: Xander and the Himalaya Fortress Fantasy Hotel
Author: Bug Eyed Monster
Rating: Teen
Spoilers: Post BtVS season 7.
Summary: Response to Xander’s Evil Dad challenge. Crossover with Buffy the Vampire Slayer and DC’s Batman comics. Xander is heir to a scary old man, whom has recently discovered the location of his long lost son.

Warning: I haven’t read Batman comics in a few years, so my info may be a bit dated, as in pre-Crisis. Will happily accept information links and helpful criticism Some hints at cussin’ (bad swear words) and nekkid (unclothed) Xander. Does have some American English slang, so if English isn't your first language and I've lost you, just ask me and I'll make with the explainy.

Disclaimer: I don't own either the characters from Batman or Buffy, I promise to put them back in their owners toyboxes when I'm done playing with them.

Notes:
{xxx} is thoughts.
/xxx\ is a language other than English. Consider it translated thanks to the TARDIS or that Babel-fish in your ear.

*****************************

Xander swung the axe at one of the demons, taking off its head. Ana and Yvette were the usual “Slayers Dealing Death to All Baddies.” Deadly poetry in motion. Eva worked her mojo, doing her best to protect the sixes of Slayers and Scoobies at this little party. And of course, he was the Zeppo Watcher, doing his best to keep all his Slayer-ettes and Scooby-etts safe.

The baddies were dusted, and the now empty nest checked for any funky mojo items. Then the members of the SWC (Slayers & Watchers Council) went back to their heavily warded hotel rooms.

Xander let one of the Scoobies drive. They’d kept with calling the non-Watchers who fought alongside (or just did research duty or cooking duty) Scoobies. It wasn’t Tuesday yet (though it was spring time) so if this had been any sign of a Big Bad trying to end the world, they should have a few more days.

They arrived at their hotel. Xander made sure everyone was tucked in for the night. Eva’s wards were set to wake them up if anyone came into the hotel with the intent of harming them. So Xander didn’t bother to assign guard duty or to attempt to stay up for very long. He took a nice hot shower and went straight to bed.

Three hours later, several individuals clad in black with gas masks watched as one of their number threw sleeping gas pellets into the rooms of the SWC members. They wrapped up the drugged Xander, gently lifted him into a helicopter and whisked him away into the night.

****************************************

Xander Harris woke up. It was so quiet. He could hear the sound of some air circulation system. But the slayers and scoobies were quiet. Too quiet. At the same time he realized that the sheets of the bed weren’t cotton-y, but smooth and silk satiny. The place didn’t have that hotel-y smell, nor could he smell coffee or hear the cleaning ladies rolling their carts.

He sat up.

Okay, definitely NOT the bed he’d fallen asleep in. Definitely not his room either. It was decorated by an interior designer who was all with the lavish ritzy look. Big honkin’ stone mantel fireplace, huge antique chest of drawers and wardrobe, small antique table with scroll accents and triffid feet by the bed. A carafe and drinking glass combo was on top. The view out the window showed not the large city-scape of L.A., but ‘empty of human habitat’ snow covered mountains.

Xander’s t-shirt and boxers were gone. He carefully lifted the sheet and checked to make sure his equipment was still there. It looked unmolested. And confirmed that he wasn’t wearing anything. He slid out of bed, half the slippery silk satin bedding coming with him. Through a series of fumbles involving the stupid fancy slippery bedsheets, he landed on his bare behind.

Xander got up, tip-toed to the door and put his ear against it. He could hear a man and a woman talking outside. Their voices got closer. Xander went into “Soldier Guy” mode. A quick glance around the room revealed no weapons. The fireplace lacked a heavy poker. On the plus side, there was a small light shovel. He grabbed the carafe first, breaking it noisily against the stone mantel as he grabbed the shovel and hid behind the door. Waking up in a bed, not gagged and tied to a sacrificial table, probably meant they didn’t mean immediate harm. He was hoping that the sound of the shattering glass would lure them in.

The door opened swiftly, the woman entering while the man snapped at her angrily. Xander hit the man as hard as he could but the shovel was a bit flimsy. The man was thrown only for a little bit. Xander jumped the woman, pushed her against the wall and put the broken edge of the carafe against her neck. The man had been ready to jump Xander but now stilled. He straightened himself and growled angrily at Xander in some funky foreign language.

“Ubu, I do not believe he speaks anything but English.” The woman said. She was rather pretty and Xander wouldn’t have minded rubbing his nekkid bits against her if circumstances had been different.

“Who’s going to make with the explainy?” The man and woman glanced at each other. “Like now, guys, ‘cause this sure ain’t South Cal and I’m ready to mojo my way outta’ here. I don’t like doing mojo.”

The man growled. “He does not speak proper English. I have never heard such Engrish.” The last word was spoken with a slur.

“We are in my father’s house. I am Talia.” the woman said. Xander narrowed his eyes at her statement, that wasn’t what he meant. “My father’s fortress, in the Himalayas.” Talia quickly added.

“I know my plane ticket didn’t have ‘Himalaya Fortress Fantasy Hotel’ on it. And seeing as how my luggage ain’t here either, I think...” Xander swiftly flipped Talia so that he was behind her, twisting her arm and keeping pressure against a particular spot on her palm. She cried out in pain. “... I’ll just hitch a ride outta’ here.” He pushed the broken carafe against her neck and used his head to motion Ubu (whom was kinda’ big) towards the door. “C’mon, Big-Boy. Move. Back.” Ubu was taking his time moving back, keeping his eyes solidly on Xander. Xander wondered what Ubu wanted, other than letting Talia go which so wasn’t going to happen.

As Ubu stepped carefully over the slippery bedsheets, Xander caught a glimpse of metal. It wasn’t the shovel. He kept forcing Ubu back and maneuvered close to the metallic thingy. Ubu paused. Xander poked the metal with a bare foot. Ubu tensed up. Xander really surprised himself when he managed to throw the carafe at Bigboy, snatch the gun off the floor and keep Talia from making a getaway. Yup, his good ol’ friend adrenaline. He put the gun to her cheek.

Once they were out in the hall, Xander was really on edge. There were some men but they made no attempts at disarming him. Instead they put their hands up and backed away with wide eyes. Maybe they were afraid they’d be in a world of hurt if anything happened to the boss’s daughter. He also didn’t like the way the hall was so open. He gestured Talia’s Daddy’s minions to move in front of him and away. Surprisingly, they did.

Ubu merely grinned. “You do not know this place, boy. You know nothing of exits.”

Xander smirked. “Yeah, maybe not. But I’m gonna get outta’ here or die tryin’.” {‘Sides, you wouldn’t want Darth Willow and my friends to show up.} Xander didn’t want his crew hurt, so he didn’t want them to show up either. Best if he could make his own getaway.

“NO! You don’t understand, no one here wants to kill you.” Talia had a rather seductive way of talkin’.

“Talie, I ain’t staying to become demon chow or turned into a cyborg soldier or whatever.”

Talia really started twisting now. She managed to gasp out, “You don’t understand...” despite the pain.

“Lady right now I don’t give a f-...”

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!” A tall dark-hair man stormed into Xander’s view. Xander hoped the guy didn’t have any mojo as he looked about two seconds away from going all dark and Darth-y.

“I’m guessin’ you to be the Boss man. Nice ritzy place you’ve got here. Don’t like the room service or your bellhops.” Big-boy growled at that one. “You don’t get four stars. So not sorry I’ve gotta’ leave soon. But you know how it goes, nests to burn down, vampires to dust, demons to kill. I’ll let your daughter go in exchange for a ticket outta’ here.”

Talia’s Daddy paused. Xander shivered as the man gave a wide smile and laughed. “Such a spirited boy. I am glad to have recovered you. I had always wondered where your mother took you, Alexander. Luckily for her that she perished in the sinking of Sunnydale, otherwise I would have her punished for taking my son to La Bosca del Inferno. Her stupidity could have killed you.”

“Huh?” Xander said.

“I am called Ra’s al Ghul and I am your father.”

Xander couldn’t think of what to say or how to respond. His facial expression was a picture perfect definition of “pole-axed.” His hold on Talia slackened and she slipped out of his grasp. Ubu’s sudden movement brought Xander out of his stupor. Xander brought the gun up and cocked it even as Ra’s al Ghul’s voice thundered “DO NOT HARM HIM.” Ubi stopped. Xander blinked, and licked his dry lips. He tried to work some spit into his dry mouth.

“I don’t care if say you’re my dad. ‘Cause I’m a little past the age of needing one now. So if you don’t mind...” Xander made to slip away.

“Oh, but I do.” Ra’s said so quietly that Xander almost couldn’t hear him. Xander turned and tried to run, but noticed that Ra’s men had taken advantage of his momentary state of being pole-axed. He was outnumbered and pretty much surrounded. These new men didn’t have guns, instead they were armed with blow-darts. Xander glared at Ra’s as he let the hammer down on the gun and jacked the round out of the chamber. He really didn’t want to be unconscious in a big bad’s hideout.

“You may keep the gun. It’s a rather nice model. It was Ubu’s.” Xander could hear a note of “I’m not pleased” in that last statement. He looked at Ubu. To Xander’s surprise, Ubu looked abashed as he got down on one knee beside Ra’s. Ra’s threw off commands to a couple servants to fetch Xander clothing. “Talia, guide your brother back to his room.”

{Ewww... I was nekkid and groping my sister.}

The End?

You have reached the end of "Xander and the Himalaya Fortress Fantasy Hotel" – so far. This story is incomplete and the last chapter was posted on 21 Jul 06.

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