Prompt: #3 Woollyslash_100
Prompt: #89 Found (table
Warnings: minor bad words, a woolly sock
Summary: Severus Snape has a bone to pick with his lover. Wesley is pretty sure that he's amused.
Disclaimer: I don't own either boys, much to my own horror.
Author's Note: This is pure crack. I'm serious, there is no educational or intellectual value to this fic at all
"We need to talk." The silky voice, normally filled with malice, informed him. Wesley looked up from his paperwork to find Severus Snape, a wizard from England who had been ordered to take refuge with Angel Investigations not three months prior, standing in the doorway to his office. Just over Severus' looming shadow Wesley can see Cordelia arguing on the phone. Obviously there would be no help from her.
"Ah, come in," Wesley gestured. Severus strode inside, shutting the door firmly behind him. Wesley could tell Severus wished he were wearing his robes, if only so he could stalk around the desk like an overgrown bat. Severus still had no idea that his intimidating nature was not as scary as he thought. Though, this was probably because Wesley was actually turned on by Severus storming around in all black--robes or otherwise.
Wesley looked up at Severus as he approached, fighting down the urge meet his scowl with a cheeky grin. Sometimes it was best to simply not
torment Severus Snape. "May I help you?"
"I was attempting to clean our rooms when I discovered something," Severus informed him. His voice was like dark chocolate, sliding down Wesley's throat and igniting a fire. Wesley knew that sounded ridiculously romantic, but it amazed him that every time Severus spoke in that deadly tone he still reacted the same way.
"Indeed," Wesley said. "What was it you found?"
"This," Severus stated, holding up a pair of socks. Wesley had the intelligence to not snicker and instead pulled his glasses off in order to rub at his eyes. They were horrid looking socks, really. At one time in their sad and pathetic lives they had probably been made out of wool, but now they simply had the shape of a large ball of lint caught in the dryer.
"They're socks, Severus," Wesley calmly informed his lover. Severus scowled, not at all amused. Wesley, unable to stop himself, forged onward. "Did they offend you in some way?"
"I'd like to know why these were under our bed," Severus clarified. "I would not wear such a thing if Voldemort himself threatened to Avada Kedavra me."
"They really aren't your color, are they?" Wesley commented, taking the semi-woolly socks from Severus' disgusted grip and examining them. He supposed they used to be white, though he couldn’t be certain. They had an array of colors in their foundation now, ranging from light pink to speckles of black and brown.
"I refuse to acknowledge that comment, at all," Severus said. "As it were, if they are not mine then they are either yours or someone else's." Severus walked away, arms crossed and emotionless mask plastered onto his face. "I have taken it upon myself to have a quick peak at your collect of attire and have discovered that you own nothing made out of wool. Which is a good thing, because I'm afraid I'd be forced to never touch you again if you did."
"I see," Wesley slowly said. Truth be told, he hadn't a clue as to what the problem was, but he wasn't about to admit that to Severus.
"Taking all of this into consideration, I have come to the conclusion that the socks belong to neither you nor I." Only Severus could stand there talking about woolly socks and still sound like he was about to cut someone's head off. Wesley loved him for it. "However, this indicates they belong to someone else."
"Yes, I suppose it would," Wesley agreed. Severus spun around to give him a look of annoyance and, if Wesley looked close enough, uncertainty. "I'm assuming you think that's bad...?"
"As it were, yes," Severus hissed. Wesley frowned and stood up, setting the socks on his desk before moving toward Severus. The wizard glared at him, as though daring him to come closer. Normally Wesley wasn't one for taking risks, but he decided he would just this once and stepped closer to Severus, slipping his arms around Severus' waist.
"Let me be certain I understand this," Wesley started. "You found a pair of woolly socks under our bed. They do not belong to either of us, which has lead you to believe--very logically, may I add--that someone else owns the offending objects. Am I correct so far?" Severus nodded stiffly. "What I don't understand is how this is a bad thing. I would think not being associated with such an item would be cause for celebration."
"The question, of course, is how they got there." Severus raised an eyebrow and suddenly Wesley knew where Severus' train of thought was heading. "I have been sleeping in that room for over a month now. I'm a very clean person and as such would have seen such a thing under our bed long before now! Naturally, this means it's a recent addition."
"Severus, I'm not sure how the socks managed to get under my bed, but I can assure you that I have not allowed anyone entrance to our rooms since you moved in with me," Wesley said, trying to sound comforting. Severus brows furrowed as he thought, long and hard. "Perhaps they were placed there by some kind of demon?"
"Don't patronize me!" Severus snapped.
"I wasn't," Wesley told him. Severus muttered something foul under his breath. "Now, none of that, Severus. I have an idea, if you'd care to hear it?"
"I'm listening," Severus stated as he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
"I think we should leave those ugly, woolly socks on my desk for later inspection and go up to our rooms--" Wesley leaned forward to nip at Severus' lower lip. "--for some alone time."
"I'm not certain we should leave this topic so it can cool--" Severus started to protest.
"Nonsense," Wesley interrupted. He began tugging Severus toward the door. Really, he never thought he'd meet a man that could easily ignore the basic need for sex, but Severus could probably go years without even touching himself.
"I must insist!" Severus growled. "This could turn out to be something serious. I have no intention of accusing you of cheating on me with a woolly sock wearing whore, so I am left with the option of believing something sinister is occurring."
"Severus, it's a woolly sock." Wesley watched as Severus let out a long, annoyed sigh. "It's not the end of the world."
"Yes, I know this, but--"
"Fine," Wesley sighed. He moved past Severus and out the door, taking a moment to glance over his shoulder. Speaking in a low voice so Cordelia couldn't overhear, he said, "If you change your mind, I'll be in our room... naked."
He heard Severus mutter something that was probably filled with curse words. Then, the determined stride of an agitated and slightly turned on Potions Master was heard heading in Wesley's direction. Wesley grinned.