I should add a disclaimer cos I'm not clever enough to have thought up the worlds and characters of Buffy and Harry Potter, who belong entirely to their creators and authors.
Disney, I think, will own all rights to Snow White and the Seven Dwarves - it's certainly not me
Willow looked at the wall and gave in to temptation. She gently, and repeatedly thumped her head against the concrete. "Not again!" she screamed silently not wanting to frighten Joey.
His mother had joked on the way out the door that after the last time she could cope with anything. “Way to go Mrs Green!” She muttered under her breath.
She now sat huddled on the roof with Joey waiting for rescue. Since the warning had been issued that a dam had burst upstate, due to all the heavy rain, they had watched with amusement as water covered the garden.
Then with concern as it lapped under the front door.
Then with panic as it chased them up the stairs.
Finally it had stopped rising and they were now waiting on the roof with a supply of chocolate milk, potato chips, diet coke, one overripe mango and two onions. Oh, and Mr Green’s collection of rare single malts and his Grateful Dead albums.
Joey tugged at her shirt “Willow?” He cleared his throat “Hagrid and the midgets?? Please??”
Willow looked at the boy and ruffled his hair, “OK Kid, its like this ……….”
Dumbledore was well and truly pissed off. Hagrid had eloped with Madame Maxime and left the school without a gamekeeper, resident giant and all round scary person.
What was worse, after the incident with Remus Lupin and Narcissa Malfoy’s poodle at the last full moon, he really could not afford another scandal – it was simple really - he had one week to find, or create, a replacement for Hagrid.
Joey grinned and passed Willow an onion “No thanks kid, prefer garlic myself.”
“Now” she said, “many miles away …….”
Many miles away Dopey was pissed off. Still no sign of work and nothing new at the employment agency or in the papers. They needed money and they needed it fast. Snow White was eating them out of house and home.
She had been depressed when she turned up at their home a week ago. Prince Charming had kicked her out of the castle and had gone looking for some princess who was asleep in an enchanted tower, or something.
When they asked her why, she eventually admitted that he was fed up being made to dress up in green tights and red and white stripy jumpers and being made to sing “Hi Ho! Hi Ho! It’s off to bed we go….” every night.
Dopey sighed. They had no work since Grumpy got a gig as an Oompah Loompah a couple of weeks ago. The mine had been closed down by the Mine Safety Board long ago and, obviously, Snow White was no longer sending them a pension.
He had been scouring the papers for work, but either the little fellow from Willow, or the bloke from Twin Peaks got there first.
An advert in the daily Prophet caught his eye:
“URGENTLY required: One Giant. No experience necessary. Must be scary and available to work weekends. Must not eat children or animals.”
An unbelievable idea crossed his mind – they had been practicing as acrobats for weeks now, hoping to join the circus – part of their act was entering the ring dressed in a huge overcoat before leaping down to show they were actually 7 little men and not one large one.
He shouted over to Sleepy and Happy. Quickly explaining his idea they sent off a response and would worry later about how to tell Doc and Grumpy. Sneezy and Bashful would just go along with what the rest decided ….
“And that,” Willow finished seeing a coastguard boat approaching in the distance “is how Hagrid is really a set of midgets”
“Cool” Joey said finishing the second onion. “Next time, can you tell me about how the octopus in the lake is really the child of Severus Snape and a mermaid?”
Willow resumed banging her head against the wall……