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Speaking of Bond-age...

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Summary: A pimp finds out the hard way that he has bad taste in recruits... Another Wise Ass original. Warning: character death...

Categories Author Rating Chapters Words Recs Reviews Hits Published Updated Complete
BtVS/AtS Non-Crossover > Comedy > Fred/Illyria-Centered(Moderator)JoeHundredaireFR181267073,19031 Jul 0631 Jul 06Yes
Title: Speaking of Bond-age...
Author: Wise
Rating: R/FR18.
Pairings: None
Disclaimer: Not quite sure who owns the Buffyverse, but I know for a fact that it's not me...
Summary: A pimp finds out the hard way that he has bad taste in recruits...
Joe's Note: This one also belongs to Wise. I didn't write it, I'm not going to continue it, and the only reason I'm posting it is because he thinks it's stupid but I think it's too hilarious to let die. This is why you never tell him you're working on a story he disagrees with. Cuz he'll parody it.

     Illyria glared at the tiny man before her. "You will bow down and serve me."
     The pimp laughed. "Shit, girl, can't you do anything right? You gotta say 'ten dollars and I'm yours.'"
     Illyria's eyes narrowed. "Kneel, worm, and I may yet grant you mercy."
     The pimp just shook his head sadly. "This ain't gonna work, is it? You're one of them dominatrixes. Listen, I know a real nice place down on fourth that could use someone like you... oh shit...!"
     The man trailed off as Illyria seized him by the throat, lifted him into the air, and crushed his larynx. "Your death will be far more mercifully brief than you deserve, but know this: I will find your spirit in what passes for the human afterlife, and I will make you suffer forever for the insolence you have shown me this day."
     The pimp's eyes bugged out, and he struggled, and kicked, and bit at her hand, but it did no good. He had as much chance of moving a stone wall. He struggled, and he kicked, and he died.
     Illyria discarded his body without a second glance.

The End

You have reached the end of "Speaking of Bond-age...". This story is complete.

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