When I Woke Up (Xander)

Title: The Tangled Webs We Weave
Author: JoeHundredaire (joehundredaire@tthfanfic.com)
Rating: R/FR18.
Pairings: Xander Harris/Gwendolyn Reilly
Disclaimer: Marvel owns the Young Avengers, Spider-Man, and all related characters. Never quite figured out who owns the Buffyverse, but I know for a fact that it's not me…
Summary: Xander had WAY too much to drink last night… and wakes up not quite as single as he was the night before…
Joe's Note: I was actually informed that there IS no real database for marriages and so polygamy arrests only come when someone brings it to the attention of legal authorities. And Drunk!Giggly!Jen thought this would be amusing, and so I wrote it it up.


    Xander Harris knew before he opened his eye that the last thing he wanted to do was… well, open his eye. It was the same feeling he had on the first day of high school, the day of his aborted wedding to Anya, or before the battle with The First. That once he opened his eyes (well, eye now), nothing would ever be the same.

    So Xander kept his eye shut, trying to ignore the throbbing in his head. He wondered briefly where he was, since he had never even gotten to check into the hotel upon arriving in Vegas. The snotty woman at the front desk had informed him that 3:30PM was in fact NOT close enough to the 4PM check-in time to be acceptable, and he would have to wait for half an hour before they would process his reservation. So he'd thrown his bag back into the back of his rental car and wandered across the street to a casino. There'd been some gambling, some showgirls, a lot of drinking, and now he was waking up… somewhere. And he felt surprisingly good, considering how drunk he'd managed to get. Note to self: send Willow a present for the anti-hangover potion.

    Cracking his one remaining eye open, Xander stared at the bright red numbers on the alarm clock. 9:30. And there was sunlight coming in through the window. So it was 9:30AM, not PM. He wondered if he'd still be charged for the hotel room he never checked into. Did it really matter, though? He wasn't paying for the hotel anyways. The Council was financing his forced vacation. So a little annoyed part of him reveled in the waste of money… before he remembered that they had money but they weren't THAT rich, and he started feeling guilty again.

    Then again, should he? They were the ones who had sent him on this unwanted vacation. You're working too hard, Xander. You need a life outside of work, Xander. We're worried you're going to show up on Dateline if you keep hanging around nothing but teenage girls, Xander. So he'd gotten stuffed onto a jet by a Slayer escort, and flown off to Las Vegas. Now he was waking up in a strange hotel room after a night he could barely remember. Oh happy day.

    His thoughts were cut off as a previously-unnoticed person next to him grunted softly and rolled over, throwing an arm cross his body and snuggling against his chest. Xander froze, wondering what to do when the impossible happened and the process repeated itself from the other side. Pinned on his back by two softly snoring girls, Xander looked down and wondered exactly what the hell he'd gotten up to the night before.

    Lifting the sheet up a little provided at least something in the way of answers. There was a hot naked blonde and a hot naked brunette, with a not so hot naked Xander in the middle. Hey… even as a scarred pirate man, he still had it!

    Xander looked down at the two heads resting on his chest. One was a rather pale, blonde-haired girl who looked to be slightly younger than his other companion. That girl had tanned skin and black hair, and a slightly severe look to her features that didn't even relax fully when she was asleep. She almost reminded him of General Buffy of their last days in Sunnydale… although thankfully not as disturbingly skinny. The good-sized pair of breasts pressed into his ribs on her side was proof of that. A few memories from the night before drifted back through his mind. Just as bossy though. Not that he had minded at the time.

    His eyes wandered around the room, wondering exactly where he was and how to get out of there. His gaze stopped on a red and black jumpsuit thrown over one chair, with a compound bow and a quiver of arrows next to it. There was also a one-shouldered purple top hanging from the lazily spinning ceiling fan. And he had some fuzzy memories of the brunette in said top with the aforementioned bow putting an arrow through a vampire at nearly a hundred feet… and the blonde displaying some bizarre growth power and actually stepping on a chaos demon. Holy shit. Had he gotten laid by superheroines?

    Trapped between the two, Xander debated whether or not he should get out of there before they woke and he found out how good she was with that bow. Or the other girl got mad because he took advantage of her while she was drunk and stepped on him as payback. Although he'd been drunk too. Maybe they had taken advantage of him? Still… supergirls. And he was the Zeppo. If they woke up mad, he was in serious trouble.

    Suddenly, something clicked in his mind and he looked back up at the ceiling. There was a naked girl sticking to the ceiling, her Willow-esque red hair flowing down like a comet's tail. This was starting to get ridiculous. Spider-Woman? What's next, the Black Cat was going to pop out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel after a shower?

    His eyes shot over as something moved in the corner of his vision, but luckily the bathroom door remained immobile. He let out a sigh of relief and gave the girl on the ceiling another look before returning his attention to the biggest problem. Mainly, the two girls pinning him to the bed. Plans A, B, C, and D all failed to extricate him from their joint grasp and he was preparing to implement Plan E when something shiny caught his attention. There was a simple gold band around the ring finger on his left hand. And the middle finger. And the index finger. When had he turned into Mr. T? I pity da foo who wakes up and can't remember his hot superheroine foursome!

    Looking over at the nightstand on the other side of the bed, he saw a lamp… three tacky bouqets of fake roses… and three rather official-looking pieces of paper. Slowly rolling his body, he stretched his arm out and grabbed the papers and placed them on the bed beside the blonde before rolling onto his back again. Once the two girls had squirmed a bit and resettled into comfortable positions, he picked them up again and read each one.

    Alexander LaVelle Harris and Katherine Elizabeth Bishop

    Alexander LaVelle Harris and Cassandra Eleanor Lang.

    Alexander LaVelle Harris and Gwendolyn May Reilly

    Well, he knew from previous visits that Utah was a nice place to live this time of year…