Xander, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
, and all related minutiae are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy Productions, and 20th Century Fox. Sliders
is the property of its creator, production company, and distributor. Same goes for Gobo Fraggle and Fraggle Rock
. No infringement is intended. No profit will be made. Not-the-Author’s Notes:
I did not write this. My brother wrote this. He is ranging off into territory strange even for a phoukabro. I have placed all the stories of his series into an actual series thanks to the improvement in board software (Thank you, Powers That Be!). The series is “Oh, The Places He’ll Go!”, which I like to think as an homage both to my favorite childhood author and my brother’s intractable immaturity. I doubt he’ll see it that way, but then, he should get his own flippin’ account, shouldn’t he? Slide on By
Xander Harris had just turned on the TV in his motel room, when he heard a knock at the door. He got up, opened the door and stood face to face with Xander Harris.
“So....” his double said. “You're probably wondering what this is about.”
Xander studied the figure before him. He was not identical. For one thing this person had both eyes. He also wore a neatly trimmed goatee.
“Look,” the double began. “It's a long story.”
“So you're what?” Xander asked. “Like from an alternate dimension or something?”
His double stopped. “Okay, it's a short story then. I'm here with some friends. Can we come in?”
Xander stepped back. “Hold on a sec. Let me straighten the place up.”
Xander backed up to the closet and started rummaging through it. His double stepped into the room and began looking around.
“Hey! I told you to wait outside.”
His double shrugged. “Thought I'd let you know that I wasn't a vampire. So what weapon you grabbing?”
“What makes you think I'm grabbing a weapon?” Xander asked.
“Cause I'm you, and that's what I'd do. So axe? Crossbow?”
Xander pulled out a pair of Colt .45 automatics.
Harris whistled at the sight of them. “Nice.”
“Okay, first off, I have to be sure you're me. I've just had dealings with a shapeshifter.”
“Not to mention robot doubles, glamour spells, and hypnosis.”
“Yeah. So better safe than sorry. Okay, anywhere but here?”
Harris laughed. “Amy Yip, waterslide park. C'mon, give me a hard one.”
Xander thought for a moment. “Last thing said to Jack O'Toole before he disarmed the bomb?”
The double smiled thinly. “I like the quiet.”
Xander nodded. “One last question. How did you earn the money to leave Oxnard?”
“No power on this earth will make me tell that story.”
Xander put the guns away. “Okay, you're me. So... what's up?”
Xander sat in his chair as the double introduced his friends. “Okay, this guy is Quinn Mallory. The angry looking woman is Maggie Beckett.”
“Watch it, Harris,” Maggie warned.
“And this breathtaking young lady is the ever delightful Wade Wells.”
“Nice to meet you,” Wade said, shaking Xander's hand.
Xander looked around. “This is going to get confusing between the two of us.”
The double nodded. “Just call me Harris. All the others do. And we'll call you Xander.”
“Okay. So, Harris. What's the deal here?” Xander asked.
Harris sat down. “Old Q-Ball over there invented a device that opens wormholes -”
“Einstein-Rosen-Podolsky Bridge,” Wade corrected.
“Whatever, which enables a person to travel from one reality to another.”
“You see there are an infinite number of parallel worlds,” Quinn explained. “Each one can differ in only the slightest -”
“I grew up on comic books and Star Trek. I know what a parallel world is,” Xander said.
Harris continued. “Quinn and Wade come from the same world. They picked up Maggie, then came to my world.”
“And you just decided to go with them?” Xander asked.
Harris shrugged. “It was the year after graduation. Me, Willow, Buffy, and Giles just had this huge fight. Throw in a government created demon trying to kill us. Then these guys popped up. We managed to trap ADAM underground and set the whole place to explode. Bad news was we were trapped with him. So Quinn offered me a ride out and I've been with them ever since.”
“You mind if I use your shower?” Maggie asked.
“Help yourself,” Xander replied. “So you guys just go from world to world trying not to die?”
“Pretty much. Quinn and Wade are trying to find a way back to their world. Maggie and I are tagging along. We have a timer that directs us to where the next portal will open. And we also have a tracker that leads us to any of our doubles.”
“AAUUGGHH! THERE'S SOME KIND OF CREATURE IN HERE!” Maggie screamed from the bathroom.
“That's Gobo! Don't worry, he's cool! Just give him a twinkie!” Xander shouted back.
Gobo Fraggle shuffled out of the bathroom, nibbling on a twinkie. “I'm going to explore the city. Have fun with your twin.”
“All right. Be back by morning. We head out early.”
Harris watched the Fraggle leave the room. He turned to Xander. “Interesting traveling companion.”
Xander shrugged. “He livens up the drive. So what do you guys need here?”
“Basically, we need a place to crash. I figure we can grab a quick meal, do some laundry, and get a good night's sleep before the next portal opens.”
“And you just bum off your doubles for that?” Xander asked.
“Mine mainly. Maggie's doubles tend to shoot at us.”
“So let me get this straight,” Harris said. “You leave Anya at the altar, driving her back to her Demon boss. Willow gets hooked on black magic, trying to destroy the whole world. Buffy sleeps with Spike. Giles takes off to England even though all you guys need him. But despite all this, I'm the evil twin?”
Xander shrugged. “You have a goatee. Everyone knows that the guy with the goatee is the evil twin.”
“You have an eyepatch,” Harris pointed out.
“Doesn't matter. There are loads of good guys with eyepatches. Nick Fury. Snake Plissken.”
“Technically, not a good guy,” Harris pointed out.
“Doesn't matter. He was the protagonist. But the end result is eyepatch is good, albeit in a dark mysteriously sexy way. Goatee is evil. It's a scientific fact,” Xander said.
“Whatever. You're the guy traveling with some demonic creature.”
Xander shook his head. “Gobo's harmless.”
“That's even worse. You couldn't even find a proper demonic creature to serve you. You had to settle for some kind of wussy, radish eating, glee club reject.”
“Dude, do not diss my Fraggle.”
The next morning Xander watched as Harris and his grouped packed up.
“So, you guys heading out then?” Xander asked.
“Yeah. Thanks for letting us crash here,” Harris said.
As the group made their goodbyes, and headed out the door, Harris turned to the others. “You guys go on. I just have a couple things to finish up.”
As the three companions of Harris left and closed the door, Harris turned to Xander.
“Xander, look, I just have a word of advice,” Harris said.
“If this is about protective eye wear, believe me, I know that one.”
Harris shook his head. “Xander, you're lonely. You need to be with your friends.”
Xander looked up, surprised. “What? Why do you think that?”
Harris sighed. “You're traveling with a Fraggle for god's sake. That tells me you're desperate for company.”
“So, what?” Xander asked. “You're saying I should go grovel to Buffy and Willow? Maybe they'll let me fetch their donuts for them.”
Harris shook his head. “The last time I saw them, Buffy cut me out of the Slaying, relegating me to delivery duty. Willow was bitching at me for dating Anya, yet neglected to tell me about her new girlfriend. And Giles was falling down drunk.”
“Ah yes, the good old days.”
“My point is that I have seen Xander Harrises in dozen of worlds. The one thing they have in common is being part of a team. The few that weren't were miserable,” Harris explained.
“So you're happy?” Xander asked.
“Yeah,” Harris said. “I'm probably never going to see my home or family again. I'm always on the run. And people try to kill me on a fairly regular basis. But I'm with my friends. So, yeah. I'm happy.”
Xander was silent for a moment. “I'll give it some thought.”
Harris nodded. “Of course the main thing that makes me happy is I finally found the right guy in Quinn to share my life with.”
Xander's eye widened. “You and him?”
“Yeah,” Harris nodded. “Can't believe it took me that long to figure out.”
The door cracked open and Quinn stuck his head in.
“Yo, Harris. Get a move on it. We've got...” Quinn noticed the bewildered stare on Xander's face. Quinn sighed. “Harris, quit telling people we're gay lovers. It wasn't funny the first time. It's not funny now.”
Xander turned to Harris, glaring at him. Harris burst out laughing. “Oh, man. That joke never gets old.”
“So you're not...”
“He's been involved with Wade since he began traveling with us,” Quinn explained. “I am so narcing on you, Harris.”
Harris shook his head. “Wade adores my sense of humor. Xander, thanks again for letting us crash here. And just think about what I said.”
Xander watched as Harris and Quinn left the room. Xander sat on the bed deep in thought. After a few minutes, he fished out his cell phone and dialed a number.
“Hey, Giles. How are you? Yeah, just checking in.... Say, I don't have an assignment right now and I was thinking a few things over..... What? Um... yeah, I'm not too far away. I suppose I can head on over there.... No, it's no problem. I'm on it.... What? No, I just... it's not important.”
Xander put his cell phone away. “Hey, Gobo! Get your stuff! We're heading out.”