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Finding Jenny

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Review of chapter "Research" from (Recent Donor)DaveTurner
Review:
Plot lines coming along nicely. Dialog is better, I had a bit of trouble working out who was speaking at times. One or two typos that should have been spotted ('And explosion'...maybe that should have been 'An explosion'?).

Otherwise not a bad effort, I shall keep watching out for updates.

All the best,
Dave T.
Review By [(Recent Donor)DaveTurner] • Date [13 Sep 06] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Research" from war
Review:
good story looking forward to your next chapter.
Review By [war] • Date [13 Sep 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Research" from CPTSkip
Review:
Lol! Looks like Xander's luck continues in the same old way. I just hope the Feebes don't freak out too much. Lol!
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [13 Sep 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost? Found." from Bugeyedmonster
Review:
Not that I'm volunteering to be a beta... My work comes and goes, and when it comes, I'm really busy.

Anyway, you can take the challenge out, just put a link to it. That way your readers can concentrate on the story better. They jump right into the story, without wading through the challenge first.

If you can't find a beta, then let each chapter sit for a few days then look at it again. You'll be surprised at what you missed.

Some stuff...

This is a suggestion...

"Her school teacher had gotten concerned when she hadn’t shown up for the second day in a row ..."
"had become concerned" flows better to me but you can leave this as is. Another point to this sentence, I'm assuming that Jenny always attended school as it was a good escape from home. But not all kids from such homes attend school religiously. Many times they skip more than they attend. Not sure if you want to clarify that point or not. If Jenny faithfully attended school, then yes, her absence would really be noticed, especially if she seemed to prefer being at school to going home.

"Vivian wastalking " Need a " " (space) between "was" and "talking"

"They came faster than thought, until a young woman, hair white and eyes pure white, a weapon of some kind in hand." This sentence reads a little awkwardly. "Until" what? Until Jenny saw her? Or until the lady of white hair and eyes spoke? I'm needing something after reading that until and not seeing it.

"Stuff that feed on humans." Should be "feeds" not feed. Or you could say "feasts on humans." That sounds creepy cool.

"They started fighting, then knocked her over." I think it should be "then he knocked her over."

"then when identified myself," I think it should be "when I identified myself,"

"some innocent gets hurt,” You could use either "some innocents get hurt" or "some innocent person gets hurt."

Not sure if Danny is "agent Taylor" or "Special Agent Taylor." You might be able to go to one of the WaT groups and ask that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, end of critique section...

Anyway, now I'm wondering if Jenny's dad was put in prison for her "murder" or for the attempt on the mother. Logically I'd assume he was in prison for attempted murder of the mother, as they might not have had enough circumstantial evidence to try the father for Jenny's murder. But it would be interesting if her 'possible murder' had been tacked on somehow. (To the attempted murder charge.) Can you see Jack telling Jenny, "We thought that your father had killed you."?

Will say that I'm looking forward to seeing Martin interviewing Faith. Poor Martin, he's going to be blushing to the roots of his hair. Even his ears will be red.

May I also issue you an invitation to post this crossover at one of the Without a Trace fic groups?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WAT-AllFic/
http://tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/Without-A-Trace/
(The one above will moderate your first post.)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Without_a_Trace_for_fans_and_fiction/
(That last one doesn't have much posting going on.)

Anyway... Keep writing. Looking forward to the rest. (And Faith over-sexing Martin out. I should have made Faith intimidating Martin mandatory.)

(^_^)/
BEM
Review By [Bugeyedmonster] • Date [12 Sep 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost? Found." from Bugeyedmonster
Review:
*high fangirl sqee*

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Sorry, just tickled pink someone took my challenge. Keep writing!

(^_^)/
BEM
Review By [Bugeyedmonster] • Date [12 Sep 06] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost? Found." from (Past Donor)morgyair
Review:
I find myself intrigued and enjoying your set up.....
Review By [(Past Donor)morgyair] • Date [12 Sep 06] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost? Found." from (Recent Donor)DaveTurner
Review:
Odd I was sitting watching 'Without a Trace' last night and wondered if anyone had done a xover! Funny how things happen!
Anyway on with the review.

I notice this is your first story one this site.

I also noticed that there were one or two grammar foul-ups and maybe a few missed words. Its a bugger when you've not got a 'Beta'. The best thing you can do is to rest the work for a few days then read it through with fresh eyes. Even so a few things are still going to get passed you. I have to say it was better than some of my early Fics.
Some of your dialog was a bit stilted, but you should get better as you write more. I find if you imagine the character saying what you want them to say, this will help(That sentence didn't come out as I thought it!).

Plot.
This seems to be developing nicely and I'll be interested to see where you take this. I shall look forward to more updates.
Good luck, keep writing.
All the best,
Dave T.
Review By [(Recent Donor)DaveTurner] • Date [12 Sep 06] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Lost? Found." from CPTSkip
Review:
Very interesting beginning. I hope you post more as I like your Slayer and want to see her and the Scoobies interact with the Cold Case people.
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [12 Sep 06] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Lost? Found." from war
Review:
nice start looking forward to your next chapter.
Review By [war] • Date [12 Sep 06] • Rating [8 out of 10]
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