It was entertaining, though the beginning was abrupt. Easing into a completely different backstory helps and is less confusing. I found it interesting enough to get past the paragraph issues. I like the premise, though bring some people more in character would help. I just can't see Joyce being that cruel. Good job, keep it up.

To have a list so long of things the reader has to keep in mind before the story even starts made me not want to give it a chance, but liking most SVU/Buffy fics, I did.

Most AU stories that work do so because the characters are in character. They retain their core selves and even though, let's say Spike and Angel are humans in jail, they are recognisable that you don't feel like you're reading original work.

The formatting was what really did me in though. For example, dialogue needs its own line.

Don't get too discouraged though, keep writing what you like and you'll find your audience.

I can deal with AU elements in a story if it is well written. But I honestly did not read past the first half of chapter one. Your formatting makes the story nearly unreadable. You hit on one of my biggest pet peeves.

Remember, paragraphs are your friend. A basic writing tenet, when a new character speaks, you start a new paragraph. Right now it is virtually impossible to distinguish who is talking at any given point. It makes your story confusing and difficult to read. Especially given that it appears, based on a small sample, that you are going for a dialogue heavy story.

If you fix the formatting I will probably give your story a try. But for now, I just can’t get past the first page.

Interesting. Can't wait to see where it goes.

This was not a Buffy story, as the character you called "Buffy" wasn't Buffy. This was not an SVU story, as none of the characters were themselves either. One wonders why, if yoiu had to change the background assumptions of both shows so much to fit your premise, you didn't just write an original story with original characters.