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Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from Crydwyn
Review:
Well this looks like it could definitely be interesting. Good first chapter, I look forwards to more :D
Review By [Crydwyn] • Date [22 Sep 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from Kirallie
Review:
Not bad. Two new stories starting at once? You're brave!
Review By [Kirallie] • Date [22 Sep 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from kaleecat
Review:
(the internet ate my first review, trying again).

An intriguing start, I will be interested to see how it continues; however, the chapter would benefit from a beta and more detail as parts of it are more like a word outline than narrative. You need to decide on one point of view & stick with it; at one point you switch pov three times within that many paragraphs. There are numerous spelling errors, starting with the name of the author who created Anita Blake (a very lazy error).

You say at one point that Xander has one eye, but when he goes hyena primal he suddenly has "eyes." Even if he suddenly grows the appearance of his lost eye when the hyena emerges, how would anyone see it underneath the eye patch?

The ending, after Buffy & Willow return, is very disjointed. After finding a busted in door & Anita holding a gun on Xander I seriously doubt either she or Willow would be in the mood to blurt out his life story. It makes no sense. Also, are they inside or outside? I would think that Buffy would throw them out of the house. Regardless, how does Buffy see the three people approaching: through the broken door, a window or when they got back? Then Richard suddenly appears. I doubt that Buffy would let him come up behind her like that considering the volatile situation. Basically, the end is rushed and suffers from the lack of detail.

These are things that are easily fixed by a beta and will make an intriguing story even better. I'm sure the archive has a list of people willing to help. Like I said, I plan to check out how it continues.
Review By [kaleecat] • Date [22 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from Kristy
Review:
You absolutely have to continue this story! I love this pairing, there isn't enough of it out there.
Review By [Kristy] • Date [22 Sep 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from nightslayer
Review:
smile can't wait for an update!
Review By [nightslayer] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from MistDragon
Review:
An interesting start, I hope it continues. So many good stories just trail off into nothing. I down graded it one point because your formating needs a tiny bit of work, other wise great. MD
Review By [MistDragon] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from neris
Review:
Quite good, if maybe a little rushed and it could use a little more work (like description of Primal and her interactions with others - why is Willow bowing to her). On the other hand I like the fact that everything happens quickly.
There are certainly not enough Anita Blake/Buffy crossovers and it's good to see someone doing something about it. Impatiently waiting for more.
Review By [neris] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from (Current Donor)SusanAnthony
Review:
Very interesting beginning!
Review By [(Current Donor)SusanAnthony] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from angelkitty
Review:
this is so cool i love it so much please you have to writemore soon
Review By [angelkitty] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from purrfus
Review:
Interesting beginning.

It maybe just that so much happens in a small space but it seems a bit choppy. There are also some spelling and grammar blips you might want to hunt down and do what needs to be done.

The story indicates Xander were-leopard has one eye, but while Xander hyena the eyes glow green. Is this real eyes or 1 eye glowing green and the other is a mystical replacement but either way only while the hyena is in charge?
Review By [purrfus] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Interesting and worth continuing. Good mix of the two worlds.
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from mithrilandtj
Review:
Good start!

Anita never learns. If someone doesn't want your help, don't push.
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Jesus, does it ever end? (REWRITTEN)" from ferball
Review:
Great start! Looking forward to more soon - please?

jen
Review By [ferball] • Date [21 Sep 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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