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Review of chapter "Chapter Fourteen" from Dragonelf
Review:
::Feeds the plot bunny::
Review By [Dragonelf] • Date [24 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Thirteen" from Dragonelf
Review:
...a favor from Dehofrin and she used it...

Isn't that demon's name supposed to be spelled D'Hoffryn or are we talking about a demon with a similar name?
Comments from author:
No, I spelled it wrong. Sorry. I'll go back and fix it this week when I update.
Review By [Dragonelf] • Date [24 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Thirteen" from mithrilandtj
Review:
Cool.
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [23 Mar 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Thirteen" from (Past Donor)athenewolfe
Review:
easter present? Please? Just catching up on the story and am adoring it as always

this is an awesome crossover and fab fab series. Thanks for writing such an entertaining tale
Comments from author:
Thanks for the love. I will be posting the next chapter this evening. Didn't have time to get it on there this morning.

Happy Easter.
Review By [(Past Donor)athenewolfe] • Date [23 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Twelve" from (Past Donor)zephyrRS
Review:
Spent the last several days reading this entire series and truly enjoyed the craziness of it all. I look forward to more fromps in the contactverse.
Comments from author:
Thanks much. Glad you enjoyed it so far. I hope I can live up to the praise.
Review By [(Past Donor)zephyrRS] • Date [16 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Eleven" from RevDorothyL
Review:
I really enjoyed these latest chapters (except for the bit with Angel in the latest one, which didn't quite seem to make sense, as yet -- I'm sure the reason for getting such a lot of his back-story out of chronological order will become clear in future chapters?). I do hope Sam achieved her objective, after 'stalking' Ava for weeks.

One typo you might want to fix in this chapter, though, is the following: "...waited for Willow to finish her lemon locator check".

After a while, I figured out you meant DEMON locator check, but it took me some time to get past wondering why Willow was trying to locate citrus fruits or sub-standard automobiles.
Comments from author:
lol thanks for catching that.

I don't really care much about Angel, so I may just leave it. That was mostly to set up the reveal of the Spike stuff. Give a bit of his side. I may go back to it, or not.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [13 Mar 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Twelve" from mithrilandtj
Review:
Nice!
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [12 Mar 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Nine" from RevDorothyL
Review:
I'm always glad to read another chapter in this story.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [7 Mar 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Eight" from RevDorothyL
Review:
Ava exuding pregnancy hormones? Priceless!

One typo you might want to fix when you get the chance: "...she had finally gotten up the corsage [COURAGE?] to ask him to come to town to see her...." -- that is, unless she really did 'say it with flowers'?
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [11 Jan 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Eight" from mithrilandtj
Review:
Cool!
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [11 Jan 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Seven" from RevDorothyL
Review:
Love the chance to glimpse into where Jack's head is at (and absolutely love the idea that most of the 10 minutes after it was legal that he took to ask Sam out on a date was taken up with the polite pleasantries of the phone call). Jack definitely needs to be daddy-useful soon, unless he gets another chance to be save-the-world useful again.

Nice touches about Jack's viewing preferences.
Comments from author:
Glad you liked it. I know that things have been a bit rushed so far and I wanted to step back a bit. I might do a few of these chapters now, before anything else comes up.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [8 Jan 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Six" from darren
Review:
Slow down, you move too fast.

Last comment I'll make, and I apologise in advance. The first half of the first story in this series was excellent. The characters were introduced slowly; the relationships between each character was explained, demonstrated, and easily understood; there was no preaching, or long descriptive passages to explain what was going on, and no rapid fire, this happened then that happened scenes.

You're moving way too fast, and introducing too many new or unfamiliar characters with little or no back story. The golden rule, the first thing taught in fiction writing is: "Show, don't tell." Buffy as a character hardly appeared in your previous works of the series, and we need to see how she behaves, not be told. Adria's reincarnation is a huge event. We need to see how this occurred, and not just in a few lines. Or at the very least we need to experience who she is now as a Watcher - and the way to see this is in her actions and behaviours. Each of these characters, and their introduction to the SGC, is worthy of a whole chapter - not half a paragraph - "SHOW, DON'T TELL."

I'll reiterate what I said at the beginning - The first half of the first story in this series was excellent. You took your time, you didn't rush, you didn't introduce new characters into the storyline in every chapter - and it worked! The story worked, the plot was simple and believable.

Pick the last best-seller you read. How many lead characters were there? More than 3? I'm betting not, and there's a reason for this. You need to concentrate on one or two characters. Approach the story from their point of view, rather than presenting a historical narrative of what happened at the SGC in the year 2007.

Sorry again, but, you've got the skills and the talent, and I really don't want to see you waste them. Slow down! Take your time! Update once a week, not daily!
Review By [darren] • Date [24 Dec 07] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Six" from RevDorothyL
Review:
What a delightful pre-Christmas present! I logged in for the first time in several days, and found five new chapters to delight me.

Looking forward to the next installments after the new year.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [24 Dec 07] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from Marcel
Review:
Thank you for the clarifications... I'm uneasy about how accepting the SGC team is about the demons and magic, though. As a reader, this part is the first one I look forward to - though I understand that a writer might have problems with it :)
Comments from author:
Oh, don't worry we'll get to the freaking out.
Review By [Marcel] • Date [22 Dec 07] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Four" from traceyw
Review:
again WOW!!! this is so well written and thought out !! a brilliant Christmas present!! cant wait for the next chapter... Tracey
Comments from author:
Thanks!
Review By [traceyw] • Date [22 Dec 07] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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