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Prior Existence

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Review of chapter "Chapter 5" from JediKnight
Review:
Nice job on your new chapter, but shouldn't Tsunade be easier on someone SHE KNOWS ISN'T A TRAITOR?
Comments from author:
Probably, but Dawn has been gone for MANY years, and I think Tsunade would be a bit angry with her(though she doesn't really admit it, and puts it off as doing what she has too as a Hokage). Don't worry, I'll try to arrange a heart to heart and let them sort through all their problems. Thank you for reviewing!!!
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [29 May 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 5" from Jonakhensu
Review:
I haven't even seen it, and I know that's off. It was the immortal dude of the Akitsuki or what ever they call themselves... too tired to bother lookin it up. Shikamaru then offed the guy, more or less, by beheading him and burying the (still living) head.

As far as I know, only team 7 has a reason to hate Orochimaru on a personal level, and if anyone knows anything about being seen as something he's not, it's Naruto. He might be suspicious, but I doubt he'd be hostile.
Comments from author:
Thanks! Guess I'll have to work on that more.
Review By [Jonakhensu] • Date [28 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 5" from Rossell
Review:
Asuma killed by Hidan of Akatsuki who was killed by Shikamaru to avenge his death.
I was mistaken with the name of Shika, Ino, Chouji team. Theay are Team 10, while Team 8 is Kiba, Shino and Hinata.

I love the weapon shop scene.
"Shiny,"

I imagine that the two girls going on weapon shopping spree, watched by other Konoha 11 members and of course Shikamaru will be bored and said "how troublesome", while Lee said "the spring of youth are strong in them"
LOL
Comments from author:
Thank you!! You just gotta love Lee and his insanity. Thanks for the Asuma death info, I'll have to change that Team 10 part a bit .
Review By [Rossell] • Date [28 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 5" from Rebelgirl
Review:
It was the Akutsuki that killed Asuma, and Shikamaru killed, or at least decapitated and buried Hidan for it, whilst Naruto took care of Kakuzu.

And I can totally see Dawn and Tenten bonding over their love of shiny, pointy weapons. That part in the weapons shop was hiliarious.

Cushty!
Comments from author:
Thanks!!!!
Review By [Rebelgirl] • Date [28 May 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 5" from rothos
Review:
Technically its a good story, but personally I don't like it. You are doing a good job just I don't like nnja anime crosses that's all. Well bravo for good writing and its easy enough to read.
Comments from author:
Thanks, we all have our preferences!
Review By [rothos] • Date [28 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 5" from Tubataha
Review:
Looking pretty good but just for the record it isn't the sound that kills Asuma.
Not really a biggy though if it works better for your story, great effort so far keep going!
If you do want to check it out its 322 to 328 I think in the manga, there are some scans on onemanga.com. very sad but a cool fight!
Comments from author:
Thanks! I'm probably going to go back and change it, just 'cause it's easier. I'll try to check the manga out! It sound like a real tear-jerker (though this comes from the girl who cries at just about every book she reads.)
Review By [Tubataha] • Date [28 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mistrust" from Rossell
Review:
*look down .. read bellec's review*
ROTF ....
I can even imagine the scene ...
Dawn with bored expression while Tsunade is in full-Hokage-mode-ON.

Please update soon
Comments from author:
I'll try!!
Review By [Rossell] • Date [19 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mistrust" from bellec
Review:
I really like your story! Please update it soon (insert puppy eyes)

Here, a little gift to help you update:

*Dawn and Tsunade are talking about what has happened in 45 years*

Dawn: Okay, let's put everything together...There's an evil organization, with bad boys, capturing nine powerfull demons, and said bad boys want to rule the world.

Tsunade: Yes!

Dawn: And my brother is an evil snake trying to become inmortal, plus, he's a mad scientist.

Tsunade: Yup.

Dawn: And there's a pair of brothers, both traitors. One killed all his family(except his little brother), and the other one is seeking revenge for that. And there's a boy with an inner demon.... ¬¬u ...Home Sweet Home, I need to make that Itachi and Angel meet. Do you know if there's a hellmouth near here? ^_^

Tsunade: What?? o_Ou
Comments from author:
Thanks! I've been kind've busy with school and stuff lately, but I'll try to update soon, for you who have reviewed!! I have a pretty good idea of what I want to do next, it's just a matter of actually...writing it. I'm glad you like it, and the summary of current events is ingenius!!
Review By [bellec] • Date [18 May 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mistrust" from Skoellya
Review:
Excellent fic so far. Few typos- nothing big. The story is progressing at a good pace, and the attitudes of the characters are done very well, fitting their m.o. without being stereotypical. I would think the ANBU or Ibiki would be more effective at interrogation, although Dawn's attempt at confusing them would work for a bit, you can probably lengthen that scene- and you should probably be wary of turning Dawn into Super-D. I like strong, smart and funny characters but not to the detriment of the other characters there. Tsunade's reasoning as Hokage was very fitting, and every now and then it's good to see her get knocked down a peg. (When changing character backgrounds/storylines in a x-over stuff like friendly teasing often gets ignored between people from one show meeting another) Anyway, cool fic. Hope to read more.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the advice, I'll do my best! I shall try to write more soon, but I just can't talk myself into picking up a pen during spring break. Thank you so much for reviewing!
Review By [Skoellya] • Date [29 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mistrust" from Rossell
Review:
Suggestion for Sasuke???
Dawn can knock some sense to the Avenger, since she had the experience dealing with revenge and vengeance ... with Willow and her effort to ending the world and don't forget Anya, the vengeance demon. Even better, bring Willow and the other Scoobies to Naruto's world, so she can teach Sasuke the bitterness of revenge.

I would love to see those shinobi dealing with Buffy, Faith, Willow, Xander and Giles or even Spike and Illyria .

I like Tenten from Team Gai, the ones who used lots and lots of weapons. I think it will be interesting to see how she bonds with the slayer for their affinity with shiny, sharp things.

Team for Dawn ... I want her to be in Kakashi Team, but they already have a lot of members (Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, Yamato, Sai ... and even Sasuke), meanwhile Team 8(Shika, Ino & Cho) already less one of their members.


Btw, how older is Dawn in this story?? 17 ??
and what is her rank? Chunnin or Jounin?


PS: Its Shikamaru not Shikimaru
Comments from author:
Thanks!! I love the Tenten idea. Your completely right about the number of team members in Team Kakashi. What do you think about her being on Team 8, but going on a mission or two with Team Kakashi because of her Orochimaru knowledge? I don't think I'm going to bring any other Btvs characters in until Dawn's settled a bit more, but I think Illyria is a good idea. I'm not sure how old Dawn is, so I'm just going with her being as old as the other Konoha 9 ('cause I'm not sure how old they are). Dawn used to be a Jounin, but she's been gone so long they want to re-access her skill level. Sorry for taking so long to comment!! And thanks for the suggestions!!
Review By [Rossell] • Date [26 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mistrust" from Rossell
Review:
Its hitae-ate ... not hatai-ate

Good job on the story.
Are you going to put Naruto and the rest of Konoha 11 in this story??
also Orochimaru and Sasuke perhaps?? Since Dawn is Orochimaru's sister.

Wow ... Buffy and Orochimaru ... Dawn's sure has extraordinary siblings.
Comments from author:
Thanks!! I'm thinking of putting her into one of the Konoha 11 teams, but I can't decide which. Orochimaru will definitely be in it, but I'm not sure what I'll do with Sasuke. Any suggestions? Thanks for reviewing!!
Review By [Rossell] • Date [26 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Mistrust" from JediKnight
Review:
You made Dawn Orochimaru's younger sister, where did you get that idea? Nice job on the new part though, hope to read more soon
Comments from author:
I don't know were I got the idea. I'm glad you liked it!! I'll try to put a new chapter up soon but I make no promises. Thank you for reviewing!!
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [26 Mar 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Mistrust" from NutsContract
Review:
Haha, they made her take tests... even when she gets way from the modern educational system, she's still stuck with some type of standardized test... that just sucks... And oh em gee, she calls him 'Maru... really? That's such a cute nickname... I can see it now, the great Orochimaru bastard stages an amazing attack only to have his reputation destroyed by a brunette screaming "'Maru, you stop that right now, or I'll get Ma to spank you!"
Comments from author:
I'm glad you liked it!! I love your reviews, you always give me the best ideas!!
Review By [NutsContract] • Date [25 Mar 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3-Home" from JediKnight
Review:
Nice job so far, please post more soon.
Comments from author:
Thanks, I'm going to update in about five minutes.
Review By [JediKnight] • Date [19 Mar 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3-Home" from Kirallie
Review:
Different to the usual. Good work!!!!
Comments from author:
THANKS!!
Review By [Kirallie] • Date [13 Mar 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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