Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from MissArrowette
Really cool read. I enjoyed the Iron Man focus--the whole thing reminds me a little of the Journey 'verse stories, with the multiple well-done crossovers. Good voices and characterizations. I like what you've done with Jenny and her clan although I could definitely go for a little more SG-1 interaction. While I don't mind them coming off rather....slow? frustrated? it would be nice to see more of a confrontation, recruitment, or Pal-Core business deal crop up in the plot line.
Can't wait to see how it keeps evolving!
Review By [MissArrowette
] • Date [19 Oct 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Genesis
keep it up I am looking forward to the rest of the story
Review By [Genesis
] • Date [18 Sep 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from rankokunathree
cant wait for the next chapter love the story! cliff hanging it really annoys me! but then it usually means the next chapter is going to be fantastic!
Keep up the awesome writing!
Review By [rankokunathree
] • Date [6 Sep 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from greysh
Lovely fic! A new twist ^-^ I hope that you will continue with this wonderfull crossover.
Review By [greysh
] • Date [27 Aug 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Bunney
Beautiful...just wow :) Just read this all in one sitting and while you have admittedly skipped around you have done it successfully for this fic to be read as a universal plot with out having several different stories running at once. So that even in its unfinished state I feel like i know what's going on :) So Update as RL lets you and I shall definitly be waiting here on the other end to read it :)
Later and Love
Review By [Bunney
] • Date [17 Aug 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Speakertocustomers
I agree with Semil and Thedruid. This chapter is going in directions that make the story pretty much unreadable. A shame when it showed so much promise earlier.
Review By [Speakertocustomers
] • Date [27 Jul 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Darklight
Nice new part, like the change of plans of the Mayor, even with all the foresight Xander has with the knowledge of the starks, he still can miss stuff.
In some way I don't think the Mayor is going to turn himself in Lotesh, even with the increase in size, power and being able to fly, it wouldn't be enough against the silver paladine. Looking forward to see what plans the mayor made to make everything go down without a hiccup and kick some paladine and Mitril butt, or at least not go down in one fight of shot.
Like the idea of Xander going his own way, but have the option to call for help. Don't overpower Xander.
Keep the chapters coming
Comments from author:
Don't worry, Xander's not going to be overpowered. Yes, Wilkins IS trying to turn into Lotesh - but whether he gets what he wants in full is another matter entirely.
Review By [Darklight
] • Date [6 Jun 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Elleria
Looking forward to the next bit.
Review By [Elleria
] • Date [28 May 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from LFW
Michael Knight is a nice touch, but I do so love the touch of 'Full Metal Panic'
Is a dark haired school girl going to start hitting Xander with a paper fan now?
Looking forward to more
Review By [LFW
] • Date [25 May 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Semil
This chapter basically ruined the rest of the story for me. Involving Knight Rider and Mithril didn't bother me as much as Xander's seeming acceptance of the blockade and being followed. He was yelling at himself one sentence, the next he's perfectly fine with going along. Maybe its explainable, but it wasn't explained, so the incredible shift between the two makes absolutely no sense.
Add that to the sudden appearance of "wanded" magic users...if this is Harry Potter then I'm gone. I know there's a companion story that features Harry Potter with the Iron Magus Supremus armor, but because this universe and that one are almost entirely incompatible I just ignore it for the sake of my own sanity. At the very least you need to explain what wanded magic is, how its different from whatever other magics Xander might know about, and why he's so surprised to see her.
The appearance of Faith and Kendra...did Jenny not call them, do they just do whatever they want and fuck the consequences, or are the under mind control. This isn't even a cliff hanger, its just incredibly frustrating in its lack of explanation.
The entire chapter features a glaring lack of description and explanation. Unless your plan is to drive people to wikipedia to look things up you need to explain more. I'm of an age to remember Knight Rider, but I bet alot of people only know it second hand or from the horrible remake. Things just happen, people react, and no reason for either is given. There's a roadblock ahead of Xander and a car behind, but we get literally no descriptions of either. Are the people in the roadblock armed? Are they driving economy cars, Humvee's, or tanks? Why doesn't Xander go around them? I'm not even arguing about the direction the story takes, but it feels like you're a tour guide and the bus we're in has blacked out windows, we only get the barest details.
I'm also fairly confused as to why Xander both put Jenny on speaker phone and didn't tell her. Did he get a lobotomy just for that paragraph? He's meeting with a clandestine group he's never heard of and people he's never met, but he's fine with letting Jenny say whatever she wants without knowing they'll hear? Its another point where your vision for the story overtakes (and violently bludgeons) both suspension of disbelief and any reasonable or explainable though process.
Overall I liked the story up until this chapter, when it took a turn into bizarre character interactions.
Review By [Semil
] • Date [25 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from AlexanderMcpherson
back in c27, I think... Janna told Xander about how she knew his involvement with the prophecy and forcing angel into the masters lair.
The thing is, that she *already knew about that stuff, and was there*. First appeared in "I Robot, you Jane" - the one with Moloch. Second episode was Prophecy Girl (the episode referred above and in the chapter).
she was already the IT teacher then, and after the first instance, in which she gave them the halftruth ("I'm a technopagan.") she presumably became an occasional visitor to the watcher, as Prophecy girl doesn't make her visit out to be anything out of the ordinary in happening, only in reason.
just so you know.
Review By [AlexanderMcpherson
] • Date [25 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from kyzhart
Holy buckets Ironman. Just reread from the beginning. I think it's even better the second time through! Love the Technites and their mother henning Xan. I like how you show different applications for the same tech ie the holo room. I'm very glad to see this is being updated again. You do excellent work.
Review By [kyzhart
] • Date [24 May 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Thedruid
This was a great story, but it starting to suffer from crossover overload. Your brining in alot of stuff from diffrent TV shows, and that is a mistake for two big reasons.
1. Just brining in another TV item just to bring in a charcter or idea from another TV item shows a lack of imgination.
2. Many of us readers don't know every show your crossing over with, so we don't have any of the backgroud that we need to understand what is happening, unless your regluate it to just something happening in passing, or let us readers who dont' know get it from your story. Neither of which is the case here with the "Knight Rider" crossover. It's seeming like they're going to be a big part of the story.
I've only knowen one story to sucessfully do alot of crossovers well. And it succeded only because most of the crossovers were just passing by, and it was actually fun to try to spot them before some reviewer pointed them out. That story was "Xata". I really hope you can recover from this chapter in terms of plot and continuaity.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review :)
1. Bringing in other characters from other shows rarely show a lack of imagination, especially if you can work it in well enough that they don't stand out. I planned this as a multiple crossover story and that is the way it WILL be for some of the things I am planning to work.
Basically, the mains are: BTVS, Stargate, Harry Potter - the rest are passers by but I expect Michael Knight by way of Mithril will be part of the supporting cast as they are my clandestine "go to" guys that will bridge the rest in the same vein that Phil Coulson did for the movies (in fact, I've had it planned that way in my outlines before Marvel got the same brilliant idea with Clark Gregg's Coulson character when I started the story in 2008).
2. As long as the story doesn't detract from its overall goal/conclusion, it's not really important to completely guess at who's who will appear as Easter eggs except for some major characters that will be used in more than just a cameo capacity.
I've know a lot of other stories that did major league crossovers well: Wandererverse, Journeyverse, etc with a ton more done in FF(dot)net - check out a writer named "Freedom Guard" - great stuff .... but I am not going to emulate them, I tried that with my Gods of War sequel because my co-writer was a fan - but after she died, I can't think in those grand terms of mega-crossovers.... which is why I am going to try to trim it way down.
I liked Xata... and there were only two main plot crossovers that I can clearly see there: X-Files and BTVS... him being an Android via Star Trek Halloween and Q was pretty much the only largely recognized cameo there and everything else was X-Files after the groundwork was laid down.
Review By [Thedruid
] • Date [23 May 11] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from Dhampyr
Nice nod to the Hasselhoff Nick Fury movie there. I honestly thought that deserved more attention than it got.
Comments from author:
yeah... :) they can say whatever they want about "The Hoff"... but I like his version of Fury due to the fact that he got the original attitude that the old Nick Fury I was used to had... which was, in my opinion, was a lot livelier than the stoic spook approach that they used in the new movies (no disrespect to SLJ).... in fact, I am amazed that some of the reviews privately messaged me about it when they spotted the reference as I was of the singular mind that people barely saw that movie at all.
Review By [Dhampyr
] • Date [23 May 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 29" from jtkirk
Review By [jtkirk
] • Date [23 May 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]