An excellent start! I can hardly wait to see where this story will go. :)

I am also excited abt the story as well :) thanks for the review!

Great start keep it up.

thank you!!

-Shift tenses, you need to work on them. If your writing in a tense like future or past you need to stay with in that tense.

I saw a few of these that were obvious to even me when I have trouble with this myself.

-You should have put an ending on a word in several places, like -s, -es, -ed, or -ing, but didn't and caused a sentence to look bad.

-There are places that you left out words altogether.

Before: “Oh stop looking like a fish and come closer, he should be here anytime soon.” The fox gave Xander and annoyed look. “And it's a strange situation you've brought us.”

After: “Oh stop looking ^at me^ like a fish and come closer, he should be here anytime now.” The fox gave Xander and annoyed look. “It's a strange situation we find ourselves in now."

You forgot the at me part of the first sentence.

While I'm at it now instead of soon sounds better, also don't start any sentences with and.

-A few places looked odd/very odd and could have been written better

Before: “I think someone must have put it wrongly, the cloth of the clothes alone would be worth more than $4.”

After: “I think someone must have put them in the wrong section, the cloth of the clothes alone should be worth more than the four dollars they are asking for.”

Always spell out your numbers when they are ten or under. Also don't leave out words assuming that others are going to just realize they should be there. If you mean it to be there then put it in.

-In short go find your self a beta reader.

The plot, what could be seen of it anyway, wasn't bad and disregarding the above stuff I liked it well enough but this was far from ready to be posted. Don't take this as a flame because I'd really like to see more of it, I just want you to find someone to help you with the stuff. From my own experiences you'll never find them all yourself if you try to beta your own stuff.

thanks ahdamnit! I really appreciate you taking the time to correct me and provide useful pointers. ^^ No no, I know you're only trying to help.

I've made some changes, flesh out some part, yeah, I'll need a beta reader but don't know who to ask. maybe I'll sniff around fanfiction.net and see. :)

Thanks!

good story looking forward to your next chapter.

thank you ^^

I Like the story, i like the premise, I'll definitely keep an eye on it.

I'm a fan of Naruto (in that i'll watch it without the desire to rip someones lungs out and feed it to them.) And i can understand the verse when it is brought up.

i can't see why everyone wants to cross it with 'Naruto' himself, Kiba/Shino/Lee (Already a short fic started by me.)/Gaara and my personal favorite (And most likely to be written by me.) Shikamaru Nara.

Hopefully this will be continued.

High 5! Shikamaru is my favourite character as well. Especially his shadow techniques which are just cool. It's just in this case I need the nine tailed fox and a master of seal for it to work. There's a lot of manuver space with a powerful fox demon as your backup :)

Yeah, I'll be continuing it, writing this has been fun.

well, interesting, though you would have to write very well from now on to evade the usual fickling of the power story.

That's the hard part but I'll try. I just have to keep telling myself, Buffy can beat Xander with her eyes closed and without the fox demon, Willow and Dawn would be more powerful than him in the future.

Plus with a whole array of costumes turned real for Xander and the gang to play with, it'll be a fun writing for me.