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The Daughter

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Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from mithrilandtj
Xander must be going bug-fuck when his "sister" vanished.
Comments from author:
I know. It great isn't it? (rubs hands together and laughs best MAD SCIENTIST laugh)
Review By [mithrilandtj] • Date [30 Jul 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from war
well this should be a interesting meeting.

good story looking forward to your next chapter.
Comments from author:
Thank you. And yes I think the meeting will be interesting.
Review By [war] • Date [30 Jul 08] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from kayron
I was expecting a Buffy's Real Dad story too, but this is so much better. Buffy was the unknown do-it-yourself slayer. She didn't follow Council rules. Zabby comes from the other side of the coin. The Council kidnapped her to have control over her, and she winds up living alone hiding among the regular people. Xander is very protective of his girls. He'll go crazy to find Zabby missing. AND JACK! He lost two kids, got one back, and there's no way he's going to want to let anyone with Council in their title near his daughter. This is SO much better than a Buffy's Real Dad story! I look forward to more.
Comments from author:
I am trying to make Zabby as different as Buffy as possible. I'm glad to know, that I'm having some success.
You're right about the Jack/Xander overprotectivness though. I'm going to have a lot of fun writing it.
Review By [kayron] • Date [30 Jul 08] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from (Past Donor)mpop
Can't wait to see Xander ripping the government apart looking for her, he'll probably get the president to order O'Neill to hand her over just to minimize the damages.
Comments from author:
You know now that you got me thinking about the President getting involved, I just might have to write that in.
Thanks : )
Review By [(Past Donor)mpop] • Date [30 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 3" from (Recent Donor)MissingAuthor
Very nice chapter and can't wait to see Jack's daughters reaction!

Comments from author:
Glad you liked. The next Chapter should have her reaction.
Review By [(Recent Donor)MissingAuthor] • Date [30 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from ecifrog
Interesting angle. I am looking forward to reading more. And don't worry, Zabby doesn't seem like a Mary Sue at all :)
Review By [ecifrog] • Date [27 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from HeatherDee
Hmm, count me in with the "I thought it was Buffy." people.

I agree with some others here about the abduction though. The only way this would work would be if the Council wanted to frame some other group in order to throw investigation off. Just covering this sort of thing up would be rather clumsy and resource intensive.

There are a lot of descriptive blocks. The story is pretty well thought out, nicely integrated, and for the most part well paced, but the big blocks of text do make things a bit clunky. It's a bit early to tell about the Mary Sue thing yet but from what's here I'd say you're doing well in that regard.

All in all it's a good run so far.
Review By [HeatherDee] • Date [20 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from (Past Donor)morgyair
OK I was resiting another take on the Buffy's real father story then I took a chance and discovered a real gem...I do not however think that Zabby could possibly be a Mary Sue. Hey Slayers are suppose to be all that and everything else. Just remember to throw in enough of the other characters to keep yourself in crossover territory....and your story will stay refreshing and just a little different!

PS is there any chance Jack talked Thor into helping him out....???? Cause Thor could come dangerously close to being a Mary Sue if a canon character can be classified as a Mary Sue.
Review By [(Past Donor)morgyair] • Date [19 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from MountainWilliam
OK, the second chapter was better than the first.


I will admit that I thought this was a "Buffy's real family" story, as well, but you've done very well explaining the back story, so far. And I like the "Real Slayer" idea, as well.

More, soon, please.
Review By [MountainWilliam] • Date [18 Jul 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from MountainWilliam
Good start! And very well written, as well.

Now to see if Chapter Two is as good.
Review By [MountainWilliam] • Date [18 Jul 08] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from Tempe
So Asguard? Maybe Loki, perhaps? Great chapter and I loved all the info you threw into the story to make it seem more complete. I can't wait to read your next chapter and hopefully we'll see some crossing of the two verses soon.
Review By [Tempe] • Date [18 Jul 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from RevDorothyL
I'm not usually a big fan of OC's in major roles (partly because of the Mary-Sue factor, and partly because it means less attention on the canonical characters we already know and love), but so far I'm enjoying Zabby's part in the story. As long as Xander and some of the other characters from the Buffyverse also have major roles, I don't think the OC need detract from this story's status as a BtVS crossover.

I AM wondering, however, if there's a good reason why Zabby is described as fourteen years old in chapter two, but Jack's missing daughter is described as sixteen years old in chapter one -- especially if that was an Asgard beam that just snatched Zabby from her hospital bed (implying that Jack's brought in his 'big gun' alien friends to help with the search -- or else that this is another example of Loki trying to mess with O'Neill DNA).
Comments from author:
She was described as a 14 year old two years ago, so she would be sixteen now.
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [18 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from RevDorothyL
A very promising start! I'll have to keep reading to give you an opinion on your BtVS characters, but you've nailed Jack's character dead-on, and I love the way you start out by showing how his parental instincts are so often directed towards the 'brainier' half of his team: "but at least he could send some food home with Daniel and Carter, so that tomorrow at lunch all he had to do was call them up and tell them, to get away from the translation/calculation, heat up the pizza and eat." I adore Jack when he's being a special-ops mother hen for his people!
Review By [RevDorothyL] • Date [18 Jul 08] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from slightlyeccentric
I'm really enjoying this story. I like the character you've created in Zabby, it will be interesting to see her relationship with Xander through her eyes.
Review By [slightlyeccentric] • Date [18 Jul 08] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter 2" from (Past Donor)TraceyC
Good job with chapter 2 - I like Zabby too, I think she isn't much of a Mary Sue - looking forward to more.

Review By [(Past Donor)TraceyC] • Date [17 Jul 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
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