Keep on writing! One question that comes up is, why doesn't Buffy recall any of this? 1st grade means age 6... unless the council planted false memories? Maybe if so, the spell would start to break down after the end of s1, when she died briefly? It'd be interesting if the kidnapper was Giles ...just to be different. Another question: Merrick comes up to her at Hemery High and says "you should have been contacted earlier" ie B. was never trained before she became the slayer. So...maybe one of the kidnappers had a change of heart and gave the child to the Summers' ? Something seems to have happened that caused her to be 'lost' until around age 15. Hm...turning to Jack--he might ask the Asgard, they might be able to 'track' her using his DNA profile & 'lock on' to her....just a few ideas-
Review By [AllenPitt] • Date [11 Jul 08] • Not Rated
What kind of question is that? Of course you should keep writing :)
Great start - I haven't seen this idea before. A few typos (it's Goa'uld, for example) but nothing extreme. Definitely looking forward to what's coming next - and PLEASE keep writing long chapters.
Review By [Marcel] • Date [11 Jul 08] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Answer to your question. Yes you should continue the story.
What I like is the tight story line you have going in the chapter. Jack is acting like he should be and I like your orginal character. You make the reader care what is going on and that is a good way to start a story.
Well done.
Review By [TexasAries] • Date [11 Jul 08] • Rating [10 out of 10]
This is good. Please don't make the girl Buffy: I don't think you are planning that but it would be a disappointment. Make her one of the mini-Slayers called after CHOSEN and that would be good. Looking forward to the collision between SG1 and the Council.
Review By [vogonguard] • Date [11 Jul 08] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Whoa! Great start! I'm assuming it's Buffy, but if so, I am really curious how she didn't end up like a Counsil-raised Slayer like Kendra. If not, it will be just as fun when Jack finds out that this isn't the first (or last) child that this happened to.
Review By [Wolflady] • Date [11 Jul 08] • Not Rated