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Zealot

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Review of chapter "And so lost child returned to the tainted land" from rothos
Review:
Well I don't see any glaring errors in the story for one. Two, I like the direction this is going in keep it up.
Review By [rothos] • Date [28 Mar 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "And so lost child returned to the tainted land" from KatieKat
Review:
wow that is cool so are you having it in this story that Dawn is Xander's sister or is she buffy's sister?
Comments from author:
Dawn is Xanders sister Buffy is a single child
Review By [KatieKat] • Date [28 Mar 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "As time goes by I change yet I remain the same" from djhardim
Review:
Looks good. A few corrections in the following paragraph.

I think I freak them out though. I don’t age. I eat drink my hair grows but I don’t age After twenty five months on the front line and all the months of training I’ve been through I should be showing signs of ware and tare. The archons both dark and light thing it is because I’m not in my universe. I have never spoken with the Greater Archons so no idea what they think of the freaky Xan-man.

I eat drink my hair grows but I don’t age After twenty five months on the front line and all the months of training I’ve been through I should be showing signs of ware and tare.

Commas after drink, and grows. A period after age. A comma after through.

".. I’ve been through I should be showing signs of ware and tare..."

I think you mean wear and tear rather than ware and tare.

"The archons both dark and light thing it is because I’m not in my universe. "

think rather than thing.
Comments from author:
cool, fixed all those errors. Thanks
Review By [djhardim] • Date [28 Mar 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "And so lost child returned to the tainted land" from XanderHalcyon
Review:
Love the interaction between Dawn and Xander, can't wait to see more. I'm glad you made them brother and sister because it seems like people often try too hard to make them a couple when they can be awesome together as siblings. Keep up the good work and I hope you update soon.
Comments from author:
Dawn and Xander as siblings just came naturaly in this story.

I'm also guilty of D/X (see Extracts from the New Dawnmeister Chronicles) but I don't like to force it...

Half of the next chapter is done but still needs a lot of work. 2 days minimum, realisticly 3-4 days till next update...
Review By [XanderHalcyon] • Date [28 Mar 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "As time goes by I change yet I remain the same" from Bobboky
Review:
pretty good
Review By [Bobboky] • Date [27 Mar 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Unto the breach, dear friends, once more" from Bluesnowman
Review:
Great start.
Review By [Bluesnowman] • Date [21 Mar 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Unto the breach, dear friends, once more" from spanderfan
Review:
I say have Faith save him. I don't care if he worked through his problems with Buffy, he should consider her an enemy. Or at least a reluctant Ally.
Review By [spanderfan] • Date [20 Mar 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "We shall fight on the beaches…" from mlock
Review:
Great story. Update soon.
Comments from author:
will do once I've watched a couple of buffy episodes... need referance material to keep it acurate (ish) for the next bit of story
Review By [mlock] • Date [3 Mar 09] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "We shall fight on the beaches…" from CPTSkip
Review:
I liked your action scenes. I would have loved to see a bit more detail, but combat exists in its own super accelerated time flow so I can accept it. I was confused about the Buffy part at the very end. More detail please. Not to mention more story. Lol!
Comments from author:
blow by blow is not my style this is more his memories and feelings there will be adrenalin and fear stress and exitement all messing with his memory plus that expotion and the gore... not good for a total recall
all the "Different Place, Different Time." will be a swich between starcraft gaveverse and buffyverse
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [28 Feb 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "I looked into the abyss, she looked back and cried" from speakerforthesilent
Review:
An interesting fic, but there are some spelling issues that detract from the overall impression.

I'd love to read more though, so keep up the good work.
Review By [speakerforthesilent] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "I looked into the abyss, she looked back and cried" from missinglink
Review:
I can see better some of what you are going with concerning motivation and how they will likely act when they meet again. Big thing you need to look into or get help with is spell checking/grammar checking. Phrasing and spelling in the second chapter need some polishing.

Still think the more interesting idea would have been Buffy trying the better living thru denial, but you found a way to still get her to LA, so now she may still help those being enslaved in that hell dimension. Would be interested if you have Angel do the rescue part instead of Buffy as the way you portray her she may not be healed enough to take a stand and fight.

Continues to look interesting and will see what you have planned next. Later.
Review By [missinglink] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "I looked into the abyss, she looked back and cried" from Wolflady
Review:
I have always been of the opinion that Buffy was damned anyway. Angelus should never have made it out of the mall. Canon never says how many kills a vampire that hunts makes in any given time, but Buffy was an accessory to every one Angelus made after that point. I can understand him getting away the first time in the school, shock can do that.
Review By [Wolflady] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "I looked into the abyss, she looked back and cried" from CPTSkip
Review:
I know this is just the setup, but I look forward to finally getting into the demonic butt-kicking part. Lol! You did make me laugh with: "Protoss humour go figure." There are problems with synonyms showing up. Like using "aloud" instead of "allowed". But that should be taken care of if you can find a beta-reader. All in all, I like your story and look forward to more. And thank you for showing us how Buffy is reacting to her angry, unthinking action. I dislike character bashing. At least for no good reason. Lol!

Edit: As a fellow dyslectic *and just why is that word so hard to spell?* I would suggest waiting for 15 minutes or so after you have written something and then read it fresh. Often if I read what I've written too soon after I've written it, I read what I think I've written and not what I actually have written. If I wait a bit, most of the time I actually read what I've written. Gack! I hope that makes sense to you. It sort of does for me. Lol!
Comments from author:
Buffy can be a pain at times but bashing without a reason is not good.

Psychologists like their hard words, makes them sound like they know what they are talking about. Thanks for the tip I understand what you wrote.
Review By [CPTSkip] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "I looked into the abyss, she looked back and cried" from Althalus
Review:
Great crossover. There are not many Starcraft crossovers. At least that I know of. So any story that does is a treat.
I like that you have Xander trained by the Protoss. A bit of training by Raynor miit be nice too. If I remember correctly, the Zealots are the Protoss footsoldiers. The title suggests that Xander will be trained as such. That means as a footsoldier, which is good. Not all-powerfull, but still quite powerfull in his own right. Or it good mean that Xander will be a Zealot in the religious sense. And a bit more powerfull than a footsoldier. But we'll see what you come up with.
I like the story so far.
Comments from author:
there are a couple of drables (sp?) here and there and one Metroid cross with the zerg... try doing a search for "zerg" I think there are 4 or so other stories on this site.

Xander has to earn the power not have it handed to him. Jim is helping but it is not like he can take time out against the zerg.
I've read that even the zealots have spionic powers so even with the best training Xander will never be equal to the lowest most crippled zealot... that said give him some power armor and some energy blades and train him in its use even without a shield he will be able to kick some serious arse if he gets home.
Review By [Althalus] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "I looked into the abyss, she looked back and cried" from (Recent Donor)Dakaath
Review:
Interesting concept, but you really need to improve your writing. You make several word swaps, switching similar sounding but completely different words.
There are also several spelling mistakes, and you need to work on sentence structure.
An example: "The blood on the sward was enough to base new weapons to fight the swarm the new units and tactics confused the cerebrates for a while."
It should look something like this: "The blood on the sword was enough to base new weapons on, which were used to fight the swarm, and the new units and tactics confused the cerebrates for a while." That is the minimum change needed, though further reworking is advised.
While you have an interesting plot idea, you need to work on your basic writing skills. I recommend reading the story aloud before posting, I do that to catch mistakes, and getting a beta reader if possible.
Comments from author:
I agree with your points I do read it back to my self but my dyslexia kicks in. Not fun trying to write with dyslexia. Will ask for beta's
Review By [(Recent Donor)Dakaath] • Date [26 Feb 09] • Not Rated
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