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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from MrSpotty

Great! There's so few Dawn/Xander stories out there, it's always nice to find a new one, and one that looks very promising.

*sigh* I need to write more now, I've been spending so much time reading that I've let mine stop...By Jove! You've inspired me! I will have to post something now.


....been reading too many Naruto fanfics...sorry about that....

Review By [MrSpotty] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [6 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Bluesnowman
interesting so far.
Review By [Bluesnowman] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Infinix
All kinds of interesting so far even if I don't see any hints of the crossover so far. The Joyce-Xander-Dawn interaction was well done... in fact so was the Forrest part so I am very much looking forward to you continuing this
Comments from author:
Unfortunately the only way you can post stories here is to list part of the crossovers you have planned in the story - I hadn't planned on listing ANY of them until after I had brought them in, but over half your stories here have to be Crossovers before you can post a non-crossover.

Thus I noted one of the Crossovers I intend to use during the story. I'm not sure where precisely the Crossovers will start becoming obvious - perhaps the third or fourth chapter. I may get to some portion of them earlier or a tad later, it depends on how everything flows.
Review By [Infinix] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from kayron
I don't know what to think yet, but I'll be tracking to find out.
Review By [kayron] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from XanderHalcyon
Love Joyce in this. I also like the reaction of Forrest when Xander killed the demon.
Review By [XanderHalcyon] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from missinglink
Nice and melancholy start there. The bittersweet tone to it touches on a common thread for Xan fanfic. Am curious at what age are you placeing Dawn here? I think canon would have her be 13, but it seems more like you are placing her at 15 or 16. Don't think Joyce would be that understanding if her daughter of newly teenage status were that forward and Xander noticing it that much. Then again there may be more to be revealed. She knows and trusts Xander from his time over the past three years. Still Mama Bear (protective side) should probably make an appearance if you take the teasing of Xander any further. Am interested in how you are going to introduce True Lies world to this. Should be fun. Keep it up. Later.
Comments from author:
Joyce's thoughts on the matter shall soon become more apparent, and Dawn's age shall be revealed in the story itself never fear.
Review By [missinglink] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Greywizard
Nice start, but I'm wondering exactly how old Dawn is in this 'verse?

In the Joss-verse, she was five years younger than Buffy, which would make her about thirteen to Buffy's eighteen, and that's a little too much of an age gap between the two at this point in time to be really comfortable - especially since it could get Xander arrested, even if this does take place in California. Making her just three years younger than Buffy, so that she's fifteen would resolve that problem easily.

Another question I have is whether the Initiative will act in a relatively intelligent and sensible manner and try to recruit someone from among the locals who obviously knows what's going on, appears to be relatively competent and actually saved one of their teams from an HST who was stomping them into the floor? The fact that he was carrying a weapon on him which could deal with the HST easily, while theirs were apparently completely ineffective, would seem to dictate that they do so, if only so that they could identify his source of information and possibly establish their own connections in order to expand their knowledge of the local environment.

It would be a great deal of fun if Xander was recruited into the group and had established a position of respect at the Initiative for his competence, obviously detailed knowledge of HSTs and his access to unspecified sources of detailed knowledge about HSTs prior to Buffy's existence as the Slayer being revealed to Riley, Maggie and the rest of the initiative. Having her come in and start making derogatory remarks about his competence and ability would make her appear to be either a ditz or jealous of his position within the group. ;-)

And the fact that Joyce can't stand Angel was just one of the reasons I loved her. ;-)

So, a good start and I hope we see more of this soon.
Comments from author:
I'm uncertain as to how I'm going to have the Initiative react to Xander and his obvious ability, that part hadn't crossed my mind when that part started flowing out. The Initiative as it stands in canon was run by a megalomaniac civilian with a god complex, I've determined that everything isn't going to pan out the same with them; but I can't reveal how because how it flows is going to have something to do with it.

Dawn's age will become apparent further on in the story... Everyone seems to be catching the subtle digs against Angel that I put in there as much as they notice anything else about the story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Review By [Greywizard] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from SFBKludge
Yes having the puberty fairy leave presents for girls AND boys is one of the great joys of being a teen. (Oddly enough its the same present.) Hope you do another chapter.
Review By [SFBKludge] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from IAMZIPPY
looks like a great story cant wait for more
Review By [IAMZIPPY] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from norgco

It will be interesting to see how this turns into a True Lies cross.

I look forward to more soon.
Review By [norgco] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ingvar
This looks good. More please.
Review By [ingvar] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Mamodo
Uhhh.... Joyce is a Angel basher! I knew there was a reason that I love her! XD
Dawn is great, I like her a lot more than Buffy and she won't treat Xan like he is a helpless little puppy in the lions den.

Review By [Mamodo] • Date [16 Jul 09] • Not Rated
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