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The Forgotten One

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Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from BenevolentScribe
Review:
It was good, I liked most of it however the interaction after Samuel breaks Ethan's neck is kind of....well forced would be the word, perhaps it could have been a little bit more meshed... Another thing wouldn't Samuel have been a little bit more questioning of the 'sliver' of chaos thats in Buffy? From the sounds of him he seems like a real zealot.

Also I highly doubt Samuel would tolerate the presence of demonic infested flesh in the form of angel no matter how 'good' he is....Will there be interaction between them? Will it involve warp fire and large swings of a large heavy hammer?

Interactions with the Scoobies will I think be rather stressed as the characters are radically different; for example the age difference, a 500 year old will most likely have little to say to a bunch of, at-least in his eyes children. Another thing, what interest might Samuel have for the Scoobies past getting the books on daemons; too him they are amateurs playing in the big leagues at-least compared to him.

A question I have is how you will characterize the Emperor or 'Shaman', as most of the characters that I have seen written lack any sort of depth and are simply, 'super bad-ass guy who can beat anything' I would hope to see an original imagining of the Emperor, you've got lots of lea-way regarding this character anyway so lets see something unusual. For example an Emperor that doesn't know how to fight yet... or is more of a man of science than war as he is described as being in canon, Samuel could in-fact be destined to teach the emperor about Chaos; remember we don't really 'know' anything about the emperor apart from him being really old and being the accumulative reincarnation of thousands of shamans. These Shamans possibly only knew a general idea of what 'Chaos' was plus we don't really know anything about the Shamans apart from them 'guiding' humanity whatever that means....

Point being have the emperor as being something unusual to make things interesting instead of the boring Mr.I AM A GOD AND KNOW BETTER THAN YOU.
(which is basically what the emperor thought, that he knew better then the rest of humanity, not that he didn't know better lol)

Also you gota remember in the Buffy verse there was originally no Emperor cuase if there had been Vamps and hellmouths would never have exsisted as he would have closed them all and hunted all the vamps down, so you have think up a reason why the emperor didn't do this....

Also problems with balance are a bigy now, with Samuel most of the episodes of Buffy would be nul and void due to overwhelming power; the judge? pah piece of cake.
Hence I think daemons from the 40k realm will have to appear. Also I think it would be cool to have corruption feature more, such as in the case of willow.... Also could icons of the emperor be more powerful than catholic crucifixes?

I also think Samuel would go abit mad knowing that chaos was infesting Holy Terra and nobody knew....any ideas as to how he would solve that one?

I hope that was constructive....lol would you believe this is the first time I've actually reviewed a story O_o.

I know I'm kinda stingy on the rating but I really do hope the next chappies are even better:).
Comments from author:
No problem, I will go back see if I can make the sequence after Semual kills Ethan mesh more. That was the hardest part of the chapter for me to write and it still felt rushed. As for Buffy, since she does fight daemons he believes that it is The Emperors will, a kind of first test at making a super human. I wont say anymore since I have some plans for how it will be brought up and what it means.

Ah, Angel, his end will be funny for readers, I hope. They will probably only meet once, and threats will be given. The only reason he has not killed him already is because Willow interrupted in Chap 2 and Chap 3 he was not there. He also does not know that he has his 'humanity' back. Remember that Semual does not have his chapter for support, and the Dark Angel normaly keep to themselves. So he has to not antagonize the only people with information, for now.

His interactions with the scoobies will remain 100% professional, for him. I am thinking of having him see them as serf crew, there to help with administration and logistics. They will try and pry and change him. They do have home field advantage and knowledge of the time. He has to be somewhat subtle, whole time travel theory and all. A mistake could mean that The Lion never is created, I am pretty sure he would kill himself if he caused that, lol.

As for The Emperor, he wont be around for a while, and I have only started trying to write his backstory to better his introduction. When we do meet The Emperor it will explain what he did or didn't do about Hellmouths and demons.

Corruption and Chaos God influence will begin to crop up to even things out a bit. Also there are some demons in the Buffy cannon that would be a problem for Semual. The mayor and Glory for instance. As for magic users I have another idea for them. The Icons of The Emperor, I am not so sure. For now I am making them even in power, maybe I bit more so.

And Semual was a bit overwhelmed with the knowledge he was on Ancient Holy Terra. His mission will be defined quite clearly in Chap 4.

The review was great! Any ideas and observations help me, this is my first time writing! :)
Review By [BenevolentScribe] • Date [20 Oct 09] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from uten
Review:
Another very good chapter.

There were several spelling errors this time - 'town boarder' instead of 'town border' and 'His will be cared out!' should be 'His will be carried out!', and there were also a couple of grammatical errors, but they were only minor ones.

This chapter was very good. I really liked learning more about Semual, including how he viewed the gang, and the place that they live. I think it will be very interesting when he and Giles talk about the Hellmouth, and Buffy. It will be really interesting to see if he can close the Hellmouth, given that it isn't just a mere rift, although it's size may make it easier too.. I'm also looking forward to his reaction to the planet's location and time. I also look forward to him learning about the Powers and Balance Demons. I can't imagine that would be a good meeting if they ever turned up. *grin*

I really can't wait to see where you take this story. It's awesome so far.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review and pointing out mistakes. I will be the first to admit my grammar sucks, and I write late at night so I miss things sometimes due to my eyes bleeding, lol.

Yes, the Hellmouth, I tried to make the 'rift' a conundrum. It's small but extremely powerful, yet it does not have the presence of a powerful rift.

Ancient Holy Terra, yup! He is going to be quite overwhelmed, what Imperial wouldn't.

I've got a idea in mind for the Balance Demons, no further comments on that. :)
Review By [uten] • Date [19 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Dragonwolftiger
Review:
Yup, Holy paladin you're on Terra. Ha! Wonderful.
Review By [Dragonwolftiger] • Date [19 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from eriktheviking
Review:
Great writing and it will be even more interesting when the Watchers and PTB get involved.
Comments from author:
I've got an idea about the PTB, but that is a ways away. Thanks for the review!
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [18 Oct 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from IzAzEL
Review:
Definately worthy of recomendation.
Comments from author:
Thank you!
Review By [IzAzEL] • Date [18 Oct 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from nemogbr
Review:
Not sure how you will be able to carry on with this story, unless it's about teaching Semuel/Xander about his past and allowing him to become human again.

Perhaps Xander was just changed into another Semuel and the original is still in the future.

Will he attempt to find the God Emperor and prevent the Horus Heresy or is it too far in the future the GEoM would forget till it's too late?

Would Semuel now be known as one of the Fallen?

Perhaps he might end up becoming even more enhanced and have the powers of the Primarchs before going back to the future as Alexander Harris, Inquisitor?


Looking forward to the new chapters.
Comments from author:
I have some ideas about The Emperor and Semual. That would not happen until later though. As for Semual becoming a Fallen, no. The Fallen are the members of the Dark Angels who turned to Chaos and were sucked into a Warp storm. Semual would be classified as MIA. The Primarchs, from what I remember are a breed apart from Space Marines. Space Marines have similarities to their Primarchs, but I do not think it's possible for them to become one.

Thanks for the comments!
Review By [nemogbr] • Date [18 Oct 09] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from HolyKnight
Review:
So there its a circle.....more than likely there its a DAMN fine reason why the Librarian CHIEF of the Dark Angels would be sent into Ancient Holy Terra on the Second Millennium.....Add, that given the massive Psyker gift of Semual, he CAN feel and follow the psychic trail of "The Shaman" what its the nickname that the Emperor itself has on this age. Seems that more than likely Tzeentch its behind this, and the "attack" that hit the Rift, may have been done by a Eldar Force, in order to ensure that Tzeentch's plot would be countered, by sending a appropriate counter to whatever the Ruinous Powers have concocted.

There its also the highly likely chance that we may see HIM, also dragged into Ancient Holy Terra...you know.....a master of firing with Plasma and Bolter pistols, carries the Lion Sword with him, and EVERY and EACH of the Dark Angels-Founded Chapters seeks him throughly Dead?
Comments from author:
The Librarian Chief, was Semuals poor use of English. He is a Chief Librarian under Ezekiel Grand Master of Librarians. If this is not possible please let me know and I will edit the chapter to make him a Epistolary. I do have ideas for Semual and The Emperor meeting, nothing concrete though. Remember time travel, Semual may do more harm than good to the future by interfering. Also remember that three of the four Chaos Gods are active at this time...
As for Cypher, dunno about that, could be interesting, but I am currently focusing on how I want Semual to effect the rest of Season 2.

Thanks for the comments!
Review By [HolyKnight] • Date [18 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from Loatroll
Review:
So will it be Semual/Xander that starts the Empire whom the God-Emperor is emperor of? :-P
Looking good. Thanks for the excellent read.
Comments from author:
Not sure yet, I do want Semual/Xander to meet His Holiest God-Emperor though.

Thanks for the comment!
Review By [Loatroll] • Date [18 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Three" from thales
Review:
That should be a shock for him :)

Not some backwater world on the rim of the galaxy but Terra a few thousand years in the past...

Now the bit wait for the reaction ^^

Keep up the good work!
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review. Yes now it gets complicated, to interfere or not? That is the question. And what about The Emperor, he is alive and wondering the world, what should he do? I don't even have an answer to the last question....yet *cackles
Review By [thales] • Date [18 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from eriktheviking
Review:
Cracking good update, thanks.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the comment!
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [17 Oct 09] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Loatroll
Review:
Awesome stuff. Thanks for the read.
Review By [Loatroll] • Date [17 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from uten
Review:
I like this a lot.

It will certainly be very interesting to see where this goes as a 500 year old Librarian, especially one in Terminator Armor, is used to operating in chaos infested worlds, cleansing and purging at will.

I can see lots of options for confrontations given the policies of the Scoobs and the policies of the God-Emperor and the Dark Angels Chapter aren't anywhere close to meshing. And that's once they get over the obvious snafu of taking the relics from him in the first place, and then there is the fact that both Buffy and Angel have a demon inside them.

I'm definitely interested in why he ran. I'm also intrigued on how long it will take Semual to learn English, given the level of intelligence that Librarians have.

Dru's mention of Khorne is also interesting, given that I had assumed that the original warping of the spell was caused by Tzeentch. And it will be very interesting if a Daemon makes it to Sunnydale, as no matter how strong Buffy is, she isn't capable of defeating one.

I REALLY liked how you showed how easy it was for Buffy and Angel to be beaten as well. It was really well written.

Can't wait for more. Awesome stuff.
Comments from author:
Thanks for the review, I will say that things will remain complicated between the scoobs and Semual for the forseeable future. Also, don't count out Tzeentch yet, who know what that crazy god of schemes may have planned :)
Review By [uten] • Date [17 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from thales
Review:
Interesting start!

The "first" meeting between the Scoobies and Xander is not a good one, i hope he does not kill them before it all can be cleared up...

Keep up the good work!
Comments from author:
Thanks! All I can say for the future is that tension will be thick.
Review By [thales] • Date [17 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Mcspender
Review:
(Ork Mode On) So, Xander iz reedy ta kick arse an' take namez fer 'imselph... Goood, let da hummin shows da Slaye' how a Waaagh!! iz made.
Let da Stummping Time Beginz!!!.(Ork Mode Off)
Cool chapter, see ya!!!.
Comments from author:
LOL! Thanks for the review!
Review By [Mcspender] • Date [17 Oct 09] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter Two" from Jearom
Review:
I for one could do without rehashing all the Ford episode bits line for line. The last part made up for the rest of the chapter though.
Comments from author:
Well, I am trying to use the scenes to show some changes that are happening to the world. Changes that have plans to show up again later. I will keep that in mind though, and try to reduce the amount of lines I take from the script. Thanks for the comment!
Review By [Jearom] • Date [17 Oct 09] • Rating [7 out of 10]
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