Some very interesting choices. The selection of the character is very different which opens all sorts of potential directions. Your decision not to rewrite the entire episode and only include the highlights and the changes was a good one and you did a really nice job with the new pieces and moving the story forward.
Sirius disowned. Xander showing as the heir because chaos re-wrote RAB's and JLH's history? If so why / how did the dark mark stay. Xander's registered as RAB's son, which means he didn't take the mark personally, and its generally accepted that getting marked is a process which requires consent. This is fan fic so automatically AU, but this is something I think really needs some major in story support to ensure credibility.
good start mate, just wondering why did the Black family tree still lists the Harris name? should it not have been Alexander Lavell Black? since the same thing happened to Jessica's because the tree gave her the Black name instead of Lavell Harris. any way good start mate hope to read more soon.
Review By [darthridian] • Date [8 Jul 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
You have misused homophones, capitalized words that shouldn't be, Death Eater(s) is two words, not one... to sum it up, it'd be in your best interests to find a beta.
Review By [JoeHundredaire] • Date [8 Jul 10] • Not Rated
Looking forward to more, I can not think that Xander will react well to being a Deatheater. And I am curious if that magic will show to Buffy's senses. Thanks
Review By [LFW] • Date [8 Jul 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
I think I read this on FF.net and I was very interested. I can't wait to read more. I like the twist on the halloween and the inclusion of Xander into the Black family. I wonder how he's gonna change due to Reg's influence and what will happen when the Order finds out about the changes in the Black Family power. Please update a lot.
Review By [nightowl] • Date [8 Jul 10] • Not Rated
JoeHundredaire
SusanAnthony
