excellent EXCELLENT I SAY... (while rubbing my hands together in evil glee:) seriously though you need a good beta, but good job on the basics. though you could stand to give more back story or flesh things out more. The principle is sound but I feel like I missed something and at a few points the grammar was a little jumbled. Don't get discouraged though and don't give up no matter what people say, I once saw an original copy of one of the chapters of "Drums of Autumn" by Dianna Gabaldon (Google her if you don't know the name shes excellent) And that thing was covered with so much red it looked like it was bleeding. Every good writer needs a good editor or beta its a teem effort.
Comments from author:
thank you for that and I'm really lucky that I've Inachis looking over the story, without here it would be much worse than it is and yes read a bit of Miss Gabaldon, but I gave up after the book where they lived in the Colonies.
Review By [lillyb] • Date [23 Aug 10] • Rating [8 out of 10]
You know I pretty much hate Xander-Sue stories. But I like this one. Xan's mom - former potential???
Just 1 thing, please no Xander more powerful then Buffy, or Buffy jealous of Xander, or any of the other really bad standard crap people put in these kinds of stories. There a real turn off.
I would love that Xander's real power comes from 2 things, that the chaos blades can kill gods(or powers). Yes I can see him being utterly skilled in their use.
The other thing to do would be sort of like Sparhawk in the Books by David Eddings. Xander becomes a man 'without destiny'. Gods and Powers cant 'find' or see Xander in the spirit world. They cant see Xander's future actions, so they cant create a defense against him.
Just think that would be kind of cool to play off Xander ' man without a destiny' best friends with Buffy, who has an almost overwhelming one(how many prophesies are about her time?).
Comments from author:
to Xan's mom we will see....
to Xander his Olympian blood got activated which will grant him a bit more than a normal human, but doesn't make him into a god,yet, but he is currently trained by Kratos, a not so nice Spartan Warrior, so you can guess what Xander's training will look like and that his skill level will be far above that of Buffy, which just is a gifted girl with no real training, just a bit of sparring with her watcher and as shown in this chapter Buffy still acts more as a friend than the normal air headed attitude she has.
To the chaos blades...yes they can do that...just ask Kratos....he killed most of the Olympian host with them *g* and Xander will be skilled in their use and more *g* and Xander was already a corn in the powers eyes before *g*
Review By [evilredknight] • Date [2 Aug 10] • Not Rated
I really hope you were joking about 'no plans to continue' because leaving off at either ends of the chapters is not a good idea. I really hope that you continue with the fic its good.
Comments from author:
nah I really had not planned to write more after ch1, but then my muse clubbed me over the head with more ideas. I'm just not the fastest guy in bringing them to paper *g*
Review By [rocky] • Date [2 Aug 10] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Very nice. An interesting start to something that can most definitely be expanded upon. Are you going to make a sequel or continue this story further?
Comments from author:
not really sure yet.... I have a few ideas how to go on but nothing really planned out yet, but of one thing thing you can be sure...If Kratos teaches Xander he won't be the nice donut boy anymore *g*
Review By [ShadowKage] • Date [20 Jul 10] • Rating [10 out of 10]
dogbertcarroll
drdeth
