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Alexander Belmont

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from MelDarkthrop
Review:
It's a good beginning, please keep going.
Review By [MelDarkthrop] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Kethric
Review:
Whispering and regular speech denoted in the same manner? That seems like it would create room for confusion.

I recommend getting someone you will heed as a beta. There are a lot of places where your tenses are inconsistent, punctuation is lacking, and omit a number of pronouns. Those errors make the story harder to read than it needs to be.

Don't just rely on spell check. For instance, you have "What are you own" as one of Cordelia's lines. While "own" is spelled correctly, I have the impression that "on" would be the more apt word.

The story has potential, I await updates.
Comments from author:
Actually i made the mistake of asuming that a story uploaded here was the same as on FF.net, i willl have to make a note of that in my next chapter, also i did not write own, as before publishing i triple check, i know i am not the best writer but i do try for consistency
Review By [Kethric] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from CrystalBlaze
Review:
I think the Powers may need a bit of a bash. Not Whistler so much, he's just the poor bastard they send out to take their licks.

The Council, well.. if there's factions in the leadership, the Travers faction needs a few hits, maybe Wesley outright bailing on them?

This has potential, I hope to see it develop fully.

The Gods of old may have feared the Creator's judgement, but Free Will applies to them, too. I suspect the Creator will be glad they finally acted on their own initiative to redeem the world from the deadbeat-parenting the Powers deliver.
Review By [CrystalBlaze] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from kayron
Review:
I LIKE IT! I LIKE IT! I like stories where Xander gets to be powerful. I also like the idea of the ancient gods going behind the PTB's backs to power Xander up. I never liked the PTB much (or the Oracles from Angel the series). It seems to me that they are a bit too neutral, and when they do decide to butt in, things tend to get worse for the Champions. I look forward to reading more.
Review By [kayron] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from eriktheviking
Review:
A well written and entertaining start.
Review By [eriktheviking] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from DarthPayne
Review:
No Willow, Kendra, Faith or Anya? Is that permanently, or temporary?

Btw, this still leaves a lot of room for other. Dawn, Joyce, Jenny, Cordy, Kate...
Review By [DarthPayne] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from (Past Donor)Peaslums
Review:
Gah, tenses need an overhauling. Not sure how I feel about the rest yet.
Review By [(Past Donor)Peaslums] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from moringstar
Review:
keep the good stuff coming.
Review By [moringstar] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from darkplayer
Review:
Great start to the story. I like the whole background of the gods and the PTB. I look forward to seeing where it will go from here. Please update soon.
Review By [darkplayer] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from LordCorwin
Review:
It's good. just a small nit -- Janus mentioned that that PTB's would try to take the power ... can they is the question.... after all, Xander took the power from the OLD Gods, who are older than that PTB's.... and can help if called.
Review By [LordCorwin] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from shiorantou
Review:
Dawn, Jenny or Joyce
are the women to go
cu'z this Xander will rock
and these girls do so.

and check your spelling ;D
Review By [shiorantou] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Omegaprime
Review:
First, I am not doing this rhyme thing.

Second, this is an interesting start in which the higher ups start thier campaign against the PTBs.

I never expeted Xander to become a Belmont, those poor vamps and demons.

Keep up the good work.
Review By [Omegaprime] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Asterose
Review:
I have to say this fic is quite fine,
excellent really with plot characters and course.
a shame it is one chapter not nine!
Still i can only lay compliments on the source
Review By [Asterose] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from ConDaMon
Review:
Great start can't wait for more. I would like to see a xander cordelia pairing if possible
Review By [ConDaMon] • Date [15 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from LFW
Review:
How to rhyme so say I had a good time

And then to add, the Xander lad, can feel older and need a more mature woman at hand


Oh, and orange

Thanks
Review By [LFW] • Date [14 Mar 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
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