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Alexander Belmont

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Review of chapter "Chapter One" from Panaka
Decent start.

One thing that annoyed me were the thought "bubbles". They didn't seem to fit the style, you're not writing in first person, and could be handled differently. As it is I find the sudden intrusion of the inner thoughts jarring. For one, since this is a Xander fic we only have to know Xander's thoughts and you can tell us those instead of "hearing" them. Second, the other characters can use body language to display what they feel or think. Xander doesn't need to see it.

When Buffy calls Willow a Harlot, you could have said that Willow "didn't look pleased" the insult. The same with the scene with Joyce and Dawn. Their reactions can be done by body language and facial expressions.
Comments from author:
Actually the thought bubbles is caarry over from my other stories on
Review By [Panaka] • Date [14 Mar 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from euceri
good starting love the last part.hope it will be epic story as good as terran jedi
Review By [euceri] • Date [14 Mar 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from StriderMew
This is off to a great start.... only hope this ain't slash. IF this is a multi-cross then I've a few to suggest: Lara Croft (if for pairing), Danger Girls (the comic books - for pairings as well), Harry Potter (Probably any of the Harry Potter girls - ie, Hermione, Luna, Fluer, etc - I'd say this one would be a good crossover because of its in-built supernatural element already with everything a hunter like the Belmonts can fight against - Moldyshorts is right up their alley of "bad things to kill"), Supernatural, Dogma (even the PTB's have to have a boss - and GOD fits the bill), Charmed, DC comics (a lot of stuff there but too many to choose from to make a coherent story if you just want to concentrate on core characters - plus most of the heroes have a no-kill policy that is sooo fun to go against when you shove a true demon right into their face that really needs to be put down - of course, the "misunderstood hero battle" between him and Etrigan would be a hoot to read).

Just please no Twilight Saga.... can't stand that shite since my ex couldn't stop obsessing over it ever since the movie came out.

Basically, from what I remember, the Belmont's are their universe's version of Paladins in their Castlevania stories/games.... melding something like that in the Buffyverse is pure gold.
Comments from author:
Lara is in my lists, don´t know Danger grils, i am not a fan of HP crosses with anything so no, ´the DC element may work but i have to wait and see and i agree twilight blah!
Review By [StriderMew] • Date [14 Mar 11] • Rating [10 out of 10]
Review of chapter "Chapter One" from djhardim
So far so good. One correction, Buffy killed Lothos before she came to Sunnydale.
The vampire she killed in Sunnydale was called The Master. According to Joss Whedon's script for the pilot, his real name was Heinrich Joseph Nest.
Comments from author:
Yeah, i knew that and i thought i removed it before publishing sorry about that
Review By [djhardim] • Date [14 Mar 11] • Not Rated
start back Page: 7 of 7
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