Too funny! I think, maybe, this would ease the awkwardness of the sentence, once again maybe: A large jagged stone that broke off the statue when it was raised, split his skull as he struck the earth, killing him instantly.
Comments from author:
I realize it's rather evil of me to kill them both, but to be honest, I was shocked that the cheesy 'I love you' approach actually worked.
Review By [vampygal] • Date [5 Apr 11] • Not Rated
Nice - You killed off one of my fave characters and I laughed..
As a quibble, something flows wrong in there. I'm not the best writer, so I'm not sure what it is, but the sentence where Xander dies jolted me out of the scene somehow. Seems weird to be jolted out of the scene in a drabble, but there you go.
Regardless, I still enjoyed it immensely.
I wonder if Buffy will try to slay the house.. or Dorothy. I can just imagine her charging at Dorothy (since she's obviously a demon since she just 'landed' a house), trips over Toto and stumbles off the cliff. ^_^
Comments from author:
I tried to fix the wording; hopefully it's better now. LOL. I can picture Buffy setting the house on fire 'cause it killed her friend.
Review By [uten] • Date [4 Apr 11] • Rating [9 out of 10]
Funny story and an excellent twist at the end. The only issue I have with the story is the way you phrased Xander's death. I don't mind that you killed him, but those couple of sentences describing his fate just feel awkward. The only reason I'm noting this is that your turn of phrase tends to flow, and this just doesn't. Like I said, though, neat twist.
Comments from author:
I tried a couple different phrases, and hopefully this last one works better.
Review By [poe] • Date [3 Apr 11] • Rating [8 out of 10]