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A New Life

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Review of chapter "A Visit From An Old Friend" from (Current Donor)mmooch
Review:
Things are getting very ugly. Gee, I don't understand why Xander wasn't able to win Buffy back with a fabulous sales pitch like that! Of all the horrible things, it probably was saying Dawn wasn't her sister that was the unforgivable part.
Comments from author:
Yeah, cause even if some of her memories are artificail she still has real ones from when dawn was 16-19, plus 'the monks made her outta me' i love that quote, I'm gonna try and work it in
Review By [(Current Donor)mmooch] • Date [7 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Case" from serenityselena
Review:
Buffy is great....
hopefully things will be ok for her here ^_^
Comments from author:
A few more rocky chapters before she starts trusting the team
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [6 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Case" from Misty
Review:
Ok, really liking it, but one tiny, little thing: Will Buffy start to.... relax & calm down? If not now, maybe later? Thank you very much for a good story
Comments from author:
Yes, but right now she is very much alone and it will take some persuasion but it WILL happen
Review By [Misty] • Date [6 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Case" from darkplayer
Review:
Interesting start to the story. It has potential. I look forward to seeing where it goes from here. Please update soon.
Comments from author:
I will definately update on Friday if not earlier but I have Exam Week this week so my days are filled up with revision, might be able to get it done for Wednesday or tonight at best
Review By [darkplayer] • Date [6 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Case" from spk
Review:
I love Buffy/NCIS crossovers, so I'm definitely intrigued to see what you do with this. :)
Comments from author:
Mee too, and I couldn't find enough so I decided to write one
Review By [spk] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Rating [7 out of 10]
Review of chapter "First Case" from VillageOrchid
Review:
Well... if this was your first draft - sorta outline, okay. As is the writing style has a lot of weak points, but you have some good characterization moments.

EDIT: Okay. Try reading it out loud. You could use a little more description exposition, and transitions between scenes. Also try reading the dialog between the villain in the warehouse and Buffy out loud. It kind of comes across as two crack rabbits. All, I'm saying is. Don't post your first draft. Put it away and read it the next day. See if you want to make some edits, yourself.
Comments from author:
Could you be a little more specific, also, this is my first attempt and I'm trying my best seeing as how I'm staying up all night just to get it started
Review By [VillageOrchid] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Rating [5 out of 10]
Review of chapter "First Case" from (Current Donor)mmooch
Review:
Uh-oh, not gonna be good. Either they'll find out about her juvie stuff or the Council will come to retrieve Buffy.
Comments from author:
With Buffy's 'juvie stuff' it was all about Buffy working under the council so wheras it is still on her record she was cleared of all charges, and the IWC WILL try VERY hard to get her back, but a lot of this is about Buffy trying to grow as a person rather than a slayer, a friend or a mother for Dawn
Review By [(Current Donor)mmooch] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "First Case" from kaekae
Review:
FYI - his name is Dr. Mallard (as in the duck)
Also, I would work on your points of view. First, it was Buffy and then it switched to I. If you need to switch points of view - have an indicator.
Comments from author:
Sorry, must have been typing too fast, also, I knew about the point of view that's why there was a couple of lines but of course that only made sense to my in my sleep deprived brain! I've added a line and changed it to Dr. Mallard, thank you!
Review By [kaekae] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Love at first sight...or not!" from clarityfades
Review:
Interesting beginning. Love the way she quit. I do hope we get to see why she's so willing to quit at this point, and in such a way. I'd also love a little more fleshing out of future chapters, this was just the set up, but I think the others will need to be longer so that you can show each person's POV (when appropriate). But also so that you can describe the scene in a little more detail. Other than that, very good start.
Comments from author:
I am going to reveal more every few chapters, my 2nd chapter has 2991 words in and took over three hours but I'm glad you enjoyed it, I wasn't expecting such good reviews
Review By [clarityfades] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Love at first sight...or not!" from (Recent Donor)SlayerandWereLeopard
Review:
LOL. great start! Can't wait to see what happens next. Love how buffy quit!
Comments from author:
Can't update the 3rd chapter till Friday but I promise I will!
Review By [(Recent Donor)SlayerandWereLeopard] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Love at first sight...or not!" from (Current Donor)mmooch
Review:
Loved the way she quit IWC. Guessing we'll learn more about why later?
Comments from author:
Yeah! Got to use all the tricks I have to keep you interested
Review By [(Current Donor)mmooch] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Not Rated
Review of chapter "Love at first sight...or not!" from serenityselena
Review:
oh my ...
what an amusing start...
it promises to be a very interesting story...
hope to read more soon ^_^
Comments from author:
Hope to tommorow, btw, this is my first attempt at writing, constructive criticism is v. helpful and much appreciated
Review By [serenityselena] • Date [5 Jun 11] • Not Rated
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